


Broken Bird

by griiffn



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Coming of Age, Crimes & Criminals, Difficult Decisions, Duty, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Mild Gore, Military, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Responsibility, Rivalry, Strong Female Characters, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 11:10:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 75,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1345297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/griiffn/pseuds/griiffn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're more than just a thief. Promise me you'll see the stars. "</p><p>You escaped from a life of crime in the Undercity and saw the worst that humanity has to offer. To keep an old promise, you join the military in the hopes of redeeming yourself and earning the life you've always wanted in the Military Police.</p><p>But then you meet Eren Jaeger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Undercity

**Author's Note:**

> This is a reader-insert fanfiction following the canon storyline of Attack on Titan, with minor-to-major changes in plot to adjust for the reader's presence. Some scenes with other characters may be altered to accommodate the reader and the purpose of this work.
> 
> The minimum age for military enrollment is adjusted to fifteen, rather than twelve. The attack on Shiganshina still occurred when the 104th Cadet Corps trainees were ten years old. After the three years of training, this will make Reader and Co. eighteen years old.

"[Name], he saw you! Run, _run_!"

You threw your heavy satchel over your shoulder and turned quickly on your heel, sprinting in the opposite direction of the vendor whose goods you had just stolen. You could hear the portly man struggle to remove himself from behind his stall, grunting angrily and knocking over several crates of goods. You distinctly heard a loud, muffled thump and an ' _oof!_ ', and assumed the man had fallen over in his struggle to catch you. You smirked and looked over your shoulder at the merchant struggling to pick himself up off the dirty ground.

"Thief! There's a thief, _get her_!"

Several men wearing strange uniforms stepped out of the crowd of people on the main road and immediately honed in on your still form. Who were they? Mercenaries? Thugs? The kicked-up dirt from the street made it difficult to make it out.

" _Damn it..._ " you hissed under your breath, continuing your retreat. Your bare feet were hitting the wet, dirty ground and kicking up mud at a rapid pace. More than once, you stepped on some debris that sent a ray of pain shooting up your leg, but you gritted your teeth and ignored it. You slid on your heels and took a sharp left, exiting the main square and sprinting down a dusty side road.

The alley was dark, as was the rest of the Undercity, and you could barely see a thing. The only light provided to you was from a single grate high above, opening up to the Stohess district. You could faintly see some phosphorescent crystals embedded into the stone, but the ceiling was too high in this section of the underground district to offer any real light.

You were rapidly approaching a prone form in the dirt while you were dodging the garbage piled up into the alley, but managed to lithely jump over it at the last minute. The person - a man, you noticed - sat up in a rage, yelling at you for disturbing his rest as you moved further and further away. You heard him yelp in pain as he was run over by your pursuers, and felt a pang of guilt. He didn't deserve that. Few did.

This sort of occurrence was not uncommon in the slums where you grew up. The Undercity, as it was called by its unfortunate residents, was the remnants of what was once the ultimate plan to escape the titan threat. Everyone would move underground, and all of humanity's problems would be solved. It didn't take long for them to figure out how faulty that plan was, and the half-built subterranean city was abandoned.

As the years went on, many lost their homes above-ground due to poverty and lack of resources, and criminals ran underground seeking cover. As a result, the maze-like passageways and hastily-built structures began to fill with Wall Sina's most-wanted and downtrodden, and the slums of the underground district were born.

Due to its confusing and difficult-to-navigate layout, the police always avoided the Undercity unless something within its depths directly influenced life above ground, and even then would only venture forth in large numbers of a dozen or more. As soon as they completed their task, they would leave. The lack of authority or enforcement by any law-abiding officials festered a negative environment for anyone not in good shape to care for themselves. Those too young, old, or weak to fight to survive were frequently taken advantage of and walked over. Figuratively and literally.

Crime lords became the only authority whose word was respected.

You had lived on the streets of the Undercity for as long as you could remember, avoiding the gangs and criminals to the best of your ability. It had just been you and your sister, Amelia, for a decade, forced to resort to petty crime just to survive, like so many of your fellow Undercity unfortunates. Unlike the others, Amelia served as the anchor to your humanity, keeping you in line even when you weren't sure you were capable of it.

In this stagnant pit of darkness, Amelia shone more brightly than the star-like crystals that littered the ceiling.

You moved as quickly as your legs allowed, but it still wasn't fast enough. You heard shouts and heavy footfalls behind you, as several of the men in the narrow alleyway kept in pursuit, each kicking the homeless man as they pushed by. With a panicked gasp, you noticed that there was easily at least ten of them. And they were gaining on you.

Letting out a string of curses, you darted right into another, much smaller path. Merely a space between two hovels, it could barely be _called_ a 'path'. The cold sides of either structure scraped against your arms, leaving red, irritated skin in its wake. You whimpered as a sharp brick cut into your arm.

"Fuck! She's gone in there, follow her!" one of the men screamed behind you.

"Just use 3DMG -" another replied.

"We _can't_ , jackass! Look how narrow it is!"

"Are we even sure it's her?"

"She matches the description!"

Your eyes furrowed in confusion. _What the hell are they talking about? What description?_ you thought angrily.

Your chest burned from breathing the dead air, but you pushed on. You could see the end of the crevice, and put on an extra, last burst of energy.

Your heart sank when you felt a hand on your satchel yank you back.

"Come here, you little shit!" gritted out the man behind you, dragging you further and further back by the straps of your satchel. Your eyes widened and you tried as hard as you could to pull free, but you were not strong enough and did not have enough room to maneuver your arms out of the straps.

You heard the sound of the satchel's fabric tearing, and tried to escape before he realized what was happening. Unfortunately for you, he did. You lost your balance when he ripped the rest of the satchel off your shoulders and threw it unceremoniously to the ground. He grabbed your hair roughly before you fell, yanking you around to look him in the eyes. He seized your wrists in one hand while you struggled. "So, you think stealing is a good way to make a living, huh? You've caused an awful lot of trouble for us, you know."

The man had eyes the color of stale water, and pale, clammy-looking skin. He had slicked-back, black hair and thin eyebrows, and his features were twisted into a nasty sneer, revealing a row of yellowed teeth. His breath reeked of alcohol.

With a strangled gasp, you noticed the insignia on the strange man's uniform. A horned horse... you've seen that insignia before.

 _Shit!_ you thought.

"So tell me, little thief," the Military Policeman cooed, twisting the hair at the back of your head painfully. You winced and felt tears of pain gather at the corner of your eyes. "What ever possessed you to think that stealing above ground was a good idea? You've raised quite the uproar with your little antics. Stolen a lot of important things from important people. Normally, we wouldn't bother arresting some street rat from the underground, but you... you're special. So, what's your name, sweetheart?"

The Military Police weren't supposed to be down here! You'd never seen one in the Undercity in all fourteen years of your life. The only other times you'd seen them were when you and Amelia were seriously in need of food and had snuck above ground to steal provisions from the Stohess market or take a fancy bauble or two from a noble for an Undercity vendor in exchange for supplies and protection. You did what you had to do to keep her safe. You felt rage and panic bubble up inside you as you realized that this could be it. You were going to be arrested. Or killed. And Amelia would be left to fend for herself down here in the stagnant dark. You narrowed your eyes at the man in anger.

"Aww... what bright eyes. I'm not sure I've ever seen such a [eye color]," he almost purred, drawing his hand across your cheek.

You cringed, and managed to break one hand free to slap his away. "Get your hands off me, pig," you spat. He growled and grabbed your wrist again, squeezing it so hard against your other wrist that it brought tears to your eyes.

"Now, that's just bad manners," he scolded, and you shivered. "Why don't I teach -"

Then, he just froze. Staring at your hand. You noticed his eyes widen considerably. He was staring at the ring on your right index finger. His mouth nearly dropped open, but he shut it just as quickly. His eyes snapped up to yours.

"Where did you get this, thief?" he barked.

You gaped at him in horror. Your ring? You'd had it as long as you could remember. Your mother had given it to you - it was one of the only memories you had of her before she disappeared. It was silver and had a tiny, beautiful bird, against a backdrop of fire, etched into it. Why did he care about that silly little thing? You continued to stare at him in confusion and anger, saying nothing.

The man chuckled darkly, eyes narrowing. You felt his fingernails dig into your skin. "Awfully quiet, aren't we, thief? See, that doesn't belong to you. Maybe we'll just have to take you upstairs for a nice, long stay in the dungeon. See if that'll loosen your lips."

You grunted and struggled to free yourself from his iron grip. You cried out when he yanked on your hair.

"Oh, no," he said sweetly. "Perhaps we'll have to engage... alternative tactics to get you to talk."

"Fuck you," you gritted out, spitting in the man's face.

Suddenly, a rock about the size of a clenched fist hit him square on the temple and clattered to the ground. The man looked at you in shock for a split second, before you saw his eyes roll into the back of his skull and his legs buckle beneath him. His grip in your hair loosened and he hit the ground, hard.

"[Name]! Go!"

You looked up to see Amelia standing on the roof of the building, her matted [hair color] locks, so much like yours, hanging over her shoulder. You would have smiled if your situation wasn't so dire. Abandoning the satchel with the policeman, you turned and forced your way through the rest of the alley and out into the open.

Amelia leaped effortlessly off the roof and onto the ground beside you.

"We need to hurry," she said in a low voice. "It won't be long before the others manage to get through or go around."

You nodded and ran deeper into the slums, deeper into the darkness, praying that you'd both be able to get away unscathed this time.

~

Finally, you and Amelia made it back to the small dead-end corner of the Undercity you called home. Dirty water leaked from the sewage pipes overhead, pooling at the bottom in a stale puddle, before sinking into the damp earth. You threw yourself down on the rock heavily, leaning back and letting out a shaky breath. "That was too close."

"At least we got away alive," Amelia said shortly. "We need to find you new supplies, though. All of your stuff was in that satchel."

"Thanks for reminding me, Amelia," you snapped, rolling away from her on the rock. Your blanket, your extra clothes, what remained of your food - all of it was in that bag. And now it was gone.

"We can share my food until we get more. Otherwise you'll starve."

You looked up at her from your rock, bewildered. "No, Amelia. That's yours. It's my fault I lost all of my supplies." You sat up, sighing. "I think I'll just run to the Old Man's place tomorrow, see if he needs any favors."

Amelia looked at you sternly. You were older than her by a year, but she always managed to make you feel small. "You don't need to do anything for that old bastard. We can share until we're able to restock. Stealing above ground for him is what got us into this mess to begin with."

You looked at her sadly. "I know. I'll see if I can find some straight work from him then. Delivery or something." You sat silently until what Amelia had said sunk in. "Wait... so you heard what the MP said?"

She scowled at you, tossing her thick, matted hair over her shoulder. "Of course I heard _some_ of it. I tried to follow you from the rooftops, but had to go a bit further to find some boards to cross over the alley without being seen, so I got there a little late. That cop was a creep, but what was he talking about? What was he saying didn't belong to you? Besides, you know, the obvious."

You snorted, twisting the ring off your finger and tossing it to your sister. "This." She caught it nimbly in her hands, eyebrows raised in surprise. "He almost pissed himself when he saw it," you explained.

"This? But we've had this for ages," she said, depositing the ring on her right index finger and holding out her hand to examine it the waning light. "It's one of the only things we _haven't_ stolen. Why did he care so much?"

"Hell if I know. Maybe the bird symbol has something to do with it?" you suggested.

Amelia was quiet, still observing the silver ring. "Maybe," she mused, dropping her hand. "Either way, I was serious about us finding another source for supplies. We don't need the Old Man anymore. He's done nothing but cause us grief. Plus, he's an old pervert," she huffed, turning to dig into her bag.

You snickered softly at her remark before sobering up. "That's true enough. But we need the food _now_ , Amelia, you know that."

Her shoulders drooped. "I know. I just don't like it."

Your eyes dropped to the floor. "I don't think we'll be able to go above ground at all anymore anyway. They came down here looking for me, _specifically_ me. They said I've been causing a problem for some, quote, important people."

Amelia swore, pulling her bedding and a piece of bread out from her satchel. "That's not good. I knew stealing up there would catch up with us sooner or later, but damn. How much did they know?"

"They didn't know my name, so they can't ask around for us. I don't think they know about you. It seemed like all they knew was what I looked like. They must have been speaking to the merchants."

She grunted, laying out her bedroll. "Well, that's something, at least." She patted the spot next to her on the blanket. "Come on, [Name]. I'm not letting you freeze tonight, either. No excuses. Our combined body heat will keep each other warmer anyway. It's gonna be cold tonight."

You sighed and got up off your rock, crawling beneath the blanket next to Amelia. She broke off half of her bread and handed it to you. "Here. Eat."

You reluctantly took it and smiled at her. "Thank you, Amelia. Really. Who'd have thought that you'd be the one taking care of me?"

She smiled softly, the last of the tension leaving her pretty face. "We take care of each other. We always have."

"Yeah. We have," you said, taking a grateful bite of the bread. It was disgustingly stale, but that was to be expected. You and Amelia never stole from the poor, and tried to only take the worst of the stock from the merchants, and always just what you needed to get by. Occasionally you took a job taking some haughty noble's jewelry for the Old Man. Nothing serious, just pick-pocketing and the like. After jobs where you brought back enough that the Old Man could pawn off, he'd supply you and your sister for a week or so. Amelia hated having to steal just to survive, but the two of you had no choice. So, you did the stealing, and she kept watch. You'd been doing this since you were both small.

Once you finished your bread, you lay back on the blanket, staring up at the glowing crystals embedded into the stone ceiling of the Undercity.

"[Name]?" Amelia asked tentatively.

"Hm?" you replied drowsily, barely able to keep your eyes open. All that running today had left you exhausted and drained of energy.

There were a few moments of silence from Amelia's direction. "Do you remember mom and dad?" she asked, her voice quiet.

You paused, surprised by her sudden question, thinking hard. "Not really," you answered slowly. "Sometimes, I feel like I can remember mom being there, giving me that ring. But not her face or anything. I'm not even sure if it's a real memory."

"Do you think they were from the Undercity too?" she asked quickly, rolling over to look at you.

Your eyebrows drew together in confusion. "I... really don't know, Amelia. Why? Why are you wondering this now?"

Her face fell into a deep frown. "I just... wanted to know if you thought they'd be disappointed in us. We're thieves, [Name]. We're criminals." Her eyes shone with unshed tears. You looked at her in surprise. She was twisting the ring on her finger, agitated. "Why would they leave us? Why did they leave us here alone? All we have from them is this!" she yelled, gesturing at the ring. "What good does _this_ do us?"

"Hey, hey..." you said soothingly, wrapping your arms around Amelia's smaller form tenderly. "Don't think like that. They left us here to fend for ourselves. I don't know why they did it, but they did. Besides, we don't need them. We have each other." She sniffled quietly, snuggling into your shoulder. "And whether or not they'd be proud of us..." you continued tentatively, not sure of what you should say. "I think they would be. I only just take what we need to live. And we look out for each other. I'm... we're doing the best we can."

You held her in the dark until her sniffling finally fell silent.

"I'm sorry," Amelia said, so softly you weren't sure you heard her correctly.

"What?" you asked shocked, pulling back and looking at Amelia's face. She looked ashamed. "What for?"

"I'm sorry," she repeated, "that I wasn't paying enough attention today. If I had been watching that merchant more closely, I would have been able to tell you he was turning around, and we would have been able to get away and you wouldn't have lost your bag," she said in a rush. "It's all my fault. I wasn't fast enough. And now you don't have any of your clothes or your food or -"

"It's not your fault," you said harshly. "Don't ever think it's your fault. Accidents happen. Sometimes we get away without being caught, sometimes we don't."

"But today you could have gotten away unnoticed if I just -"

"Don't. Don't think like that. It's not your fault, and I'm not angry. We'll figure it out tomorrow."

Amelia sniffled one last time, and then rolled over onto her back. The two of you sat in silence for a few moments.

"[Name]?"

"Go to bed, Amelia."

"Do you ever wonder what real stars look like?"

You stilled and looked up at the ceiling of the Undercity. That late at night, after the grates to Wall Sina closed, all the phosphorescent crystals in the ceiling began to glow, speckling the ceiling with dull lights. You didn't know what real stars were supposed to be like, as this was all you'd ever known. The few times you'd been up above ground at night, the stars were always invisible because of the lights and pollution from the Capital City. You would never get far enough away to see them, most likely.

"I think they probably look like this," you answered shortly.

"I don't," Amelia said.

You looked at her in confusion. "Why not? From what I've heard, the stars above ground look exactly like these."

Her lips tightened and her brows furrowed together in thought. "These aren't stars. They're dull. They're... yellow," Amelia said disgustedly. "I heard stars _shine_. They're the purest white. I bet they're much brighter than the crystals. Bigger, too. And they're much, much farther away. The float in the sky like little fire birds and we can see them from all the way down here on the ground." She stared up at the ceiling, her voice reverent, her eyes unfocused.

"They sound amazing," you say, looking up at the ceiling with her.

"Some day, I'll see them."

You had never heard Amelia sound so sure about anything. Her determination and fire put a smile on your face. "I know you will."

She turned to you, a radiant smile on her face. "When I do, you'll be there too. I'm counting on it."

You both returned to a comfortable silence, staring at the ceiling, imagining the little fire birds that were the stars. Amelia broke the silence again.

"I think I'll join the military when I come of age."

You chuckled softly, still staring up. "No, you won't."

Amelia looked at you indignantly. "Yes, I will! I want to join the Scouting Legion. Then, I'll be able to look at the stars all I want."

You looked at her with a raised eyebrow and smirked. "You don't mean that. People who join the Scouting Legion are suicidal."

It was Amelia's turn to look amused. "Maybe so, but they have more power than anyone to make a difference. Should I join the Military Police instead? They almost arrested us today, but to be fair, we _were_ breaking the law. Again. Not that it's _our_ fault that we were left to die down here... if I joined them I could take care of the poor in this pit."

You sighed wistfully. "The Military Police would be nice, but you'd be wasting your time patrolling the Capital. They would never assign you to the Undercity... but they have so much power. You'd never have to steal anything again."

"That's not why I'd join them!" Amelia said angrily. "I just want to help. Somehow. However I can. I wouldn't stop until they started helping the people down here. The Military Police are corrupt. They need good people to join them. They need good people to change them. People like you and me. But you would join them to have the same power over people as those guys from earlier?"

"I'd join them so that we could be safe," you answered simply. "If I was in the Military Police, I could have a nice house for you up in Wall Sina. Then you wouldn't have to steal _or_ be titan food."

Amelia scoffed, sitting up. "Maybe that's not such a bad plan, but I want adventure! I want to see the world! I want to make a difference," she said, throwing her arms up triumphantly. "I think I would make a good scout. I'm brave, I think. And fast. The titans can't eat what the can't catch!" she giggled, falling back into her bed. "I would help them take back Wall Maria."

You shook you head, laughing with her. "Amelia, the Hero of Wall Maria! I can see it now!"

Eventually, your giggles died down. Amelia turned to look at you. "I wouldn't mind dying, if it was for a cause like the Scouting Legion."

"Don't say that, stupid. You're not joining the Scouting Legion, and you're not dying," you shot her a look out of the corner of your eye. "Now, try to get to sleep. We've got a busy day tomorrow."

"Yeah," Amelia said, yawning. "We've got to get you some supplies." She fell unusually silent. "Do you think I could join the military? Would you?"

"You definitely could, if you wanted to. I'm just a thief, though. They'd never let in somebody like me."

"Oh," Amelia said quietly. There was a pause. "Goodnight, [Name]."

"Goodnight, Amelia."

~

You woke up long after the grates in the ceiling had already opened, letting in the harsh midday light. It filtered down through the darkness, allowing you to see every particle of dust that floated through the rays. You pulled yourself up off the grimy floor, and looked around for your satchel.

_Oh, right. Shit._

"Hey, Amelia, time to wake up," you said drowsily, crawling out of the blanket and standing up, stretching like a cat and hearing a few of your joints pop. Ouch. "I'm gonna head out to see the Old Man."

After a few seconds, you heard no reply. Grunting in frustration, you turned around.

"Amelia, come on -"

With a feeling of dread, you noticed the spot next to you on the blanket was empty.

Normally, you wouldn't have been too concerned that she wasn't there. But you and Amelia had always had one rule living in the Undercity that must never be broken.

_Always tell me where you are._

Amelia had said nothing to you, nor had she woken you up. She left only one thing.

The ring sat where her head should have been.

 _Stupid girl_ , you thought in a panic. _Where would she have gone without telling me? If she had gone to relieve herself, she'd have told me. We have water -_

With a pang of realization, you looked around. The satchel was gone.

"Shit!" you swore loudly, not caring if you were heard. You never took the satchels with you unless you planned to fill it or were moving camp, and Amelia would _never_ leave you behind. You remembered what Amelia said last night about blaming herself for losing your stuff. "Stupid, _stupid_!" you muttered distractedly.

Completely ignoring your blankets, you grabbed the ring, throwing it on your right index finger, and were on your feet and racing through the Undercity in a second. _Where would she have gone? The Market, the Old Man's... there!_

Deciding to check at the Old Man's first, you veered sharply to your right and continued on your way through the alleyways and paths. Your bare feet still ached from your escape yesterday, but you couldn't have cared any less. You ran into several people who shouted obscenities at you as you passed. You didn't care. You only had one thought on your mind - find Amelia. Now.

Whether it took fifteen minutes or two hours, you weren't sure. Eventually, finally, you stood in front of the massive, dirty shack that belonged to the Old Man. That bastard. He pulled more strings down here in the Undercity than King Fritz himself ever could. If anyone knew where Amelia was, he would.

You threw open the door without caring to knock, and marched in, eyes looking wildly about. The bastard himself looked up from his kettle by the fireplace and stared at you complacently. "[Name]. What a pleasant surprise. And what can I do for you this afternoon?"

"You _know_ what," you snarled. "Amelia. Where is she?"

He chuckled, his long white hair falling over his shoulder. His lips curled, his rotten, disgusting teeth bared into a grotesque smile. "Why, the both of you are quite spirited, aren't you? At any rate, your sister isn't here. I sent her out."

Your face blanched and you growled. "What do you mean, _you sent her out?_ "

"She came here looking for supplies, and I told her I didn't have any to spare for someone who couldn't pay the price. So I sent her out to fetch me something," he chirped, turning back to his kettle. "I could tell you where she went... _if_ you agree to my terms."

You were across the room and in his face before he even drew his next breath. You ripped him from his chair by the collar of his shirt and threw him against the wall. As frail as he was, it was not difficult. "Tell me where she is and I'll _consider_ not killing you. Those are _my_ terms."

He merely chuckled again. His breath almost made you gag. "You won't kill me. Whatever would that sister of yours think? Either way, I've dealt with thugs _far_ more threatening than you, and I'm still standing here."

You stared at him for a few more seconds, before releasing his collar. He sank to the floor, expression unchanged. "Bastard," you sneered.

"I take it we have a deal?" he asked smugly.

"I'll do whatever you want. After I find my sister."

"Excellent. When the time comes, I will call on you for a favor." He stood up and walked over to you, smiling his best smile.

"Fine," you snapped.

"Should you fail to pay your price at that time, I will be sure you pay a far higher one." If he looked any more pleased, you swore you'd punch him in the jaw.

" _Fine_. Tell me where she is."

"She left for the Capital City. Food down here has been scarce recently, but she said you were desperate. I told her I would spare what little I had if she could fetch me an appropriately valuable item. I directed her to the Capital."

You felt all the blood drain from you face. _No... The Capital is crawling with MPs..._

"When was that? When did she leave?" you almost yelled, getting in his face again.

"Well, it must have been close to four hours ago now," he sang, turning around and returning to his kettle. "Better hurry."

~

_"[Name]! You'll never believe what I found!" Amelia yelled, returning to your meeting point after a long day working the market, hands held behind her back._

_You turned to her, trying to pick some of the debris out of your foot._

_"What?! I told you not to take off on your own! Always tell me first!"_

_Amelia giggled, her round, childish face spreading into the biggest shit-eating grin you'd ever witnessed. "I couldn't help it! It just looked too good!"_

_You sighed in resignation, picking the last of the debris out of your foot, and turning to your little sister. "What did you find?"_

_Amelia could barely contain her excitement as she removed her hands from their place behind her back. In them, was a small, hastily wrapped piece of cake that looked like it'd seen better days. Probably literally. Her smile touched her ears. "Happy birthday!"_

_You couldn't help the smile that snuck its way onto your face. "It's not my birthday, Amelia. We don't even know what day it is. Or what my birthday is, even."_

_"Don't care!" she chirped, sitting down in front of you and unwrapping it quickly. "I wanted to make one up because you've never had one before."_

_"You've never had one either," you pointed out._

_"I know, but today is your birthday, so I brought you cake!" she giggled._

_"Well, then, it's your birthday, too. We can share it."_

_If it was even possible, Amelia managed to look even more excited. "Oh, really? Thank you, [Name], thank you!" she yelled, lunging forward and wrapping her arms around your neck, very nearly squishing the cake she had gotten so excited over._

_"You're welcome, Amelia," you said quietly. "Thank you."_

~

 _That was years ago,_ you thought sadly. _Why am I remembering this now?_

You're not sure how you managed to get to the Stohess District, then to the Capital. Everything after seeing the Old Man seemed like a blur to you, from leaving his hovel to racing through the streets to ascending the grimy stairs to the world above.

As usual, the second you hit the top stair and saw the bustling streets of Stohess, you had to squint at the harsh sunlight, and lift your arm up to cover your sensitive, not-yet-adjusted eyes. Regardless of your temporary blindness, you moved forward, through the Stohess Market, bumping into many angry citizens. Finally, the Stohess Gate was in sight, leading into the Capital. You stealthily slid into a crowd of commuters to get past the guards stationed there.

_Please be here, please be here..._

Your feet carried you forward, although they were losing feeling. It must have been approaching winter, because the bite of the air was cold, far colder than it had been the last time you'd been above ground, and your toes were getting stiff with the chill.

You burst into the main market of the Capital City, finally, almost being swept away by the crowd of bustling upper-class shoppers finalizing the day's purchases. You ran from stall to stall, your heart pounding in your chest, asking vendors if they'd seen a young girl wandering around alone. No one had seen anything.

It isn't surprising that they hadn't seen anyone, however. Unfortunately for you that day, your sister was a master at staying undetected in large crowds. You began to panic. It was getting darker.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a commotion from up the street. Scuffling. Shouting. A high pitched scream.

Your feet mindlessly carried you towards the source of the scuffle, every other sound in the busy district draining away, until all you could hear was the scream. No one else reacted. You just flew by them, seeing their mouths form into silent laughs, not hearing the sound. A few small children, no older than five or six, ran by you, playing a game of tag. A young couple held hands and looked at the assortment of vegetables in a nearby stall. A young, uniformed man walked an older woman down the street, arm-in-arm. An infant cried in his mother's loving arms.

So much life. You couldn't be bothered to notice any of it.

As you rounded the corner into the side street, feet skidding on the smooth stone of the road, your jaw dropped. There was an officer standing, in full uniform, chasing Amelia as she tried to get away. In slow motion, it seemed, you watched him grab a fistful of her hair and throw her to the ground, landing a hard kick directly to her abdomen. You didn't notice much else. You didn't need to.

You chased them a ways down the alley, until you finally caught up to the soldier mid-stomp. You flung yourself onto the soldier from behind, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck, and he reacted immediately, spinning around and trying to grab hold of you. You wouldn't let go.

You saw Amelia lift her head from the ground and turn around to figure out what was going on. Her face melted into one of shock and anger. "What are you DOING!?"

"Get out, now!" you screamed, clinging onto the flailing soldier for dear life.

You saw Amelia struggle to decide what to do from the ground as she heavily picked herself up. You screamed and screamed at her, not even noticing the words that left your mouth anymore. _Get out, go back, I'll take care of it, go, go, go..._

Amelia didn't move.

The man reached back and attempted to grab you, anywhere, trying to get you off of him. He swung a little to close to your face. You took his hand in your mouth and bit down savagely.

He howled in pain, and began backing up, clutching his bleeding palm. You tasted his blood on your lips.

Then you heard a shattering sound and felt a sharp pain all over, and you hit the pavement, dazed. You looked up through a shower of glass and saw the soldier standing over you, a strangely pleased look in his eyes, hand going into his jacket and pulling out a tiny, glittering object.

You looked at it, a strange sense of wonder and fear overcoming you. You'd never seen anything like it. Your head swam, eyes going in and out of focus.

The object made a clicking sound, and the officer pointed it directly at your forehead.

In your moment of confusion, you had forgotten about Amelia. Until she did the same exact thing you had done seconds prior and jumped at the Military Policeman.

He was prepared this time.

"NO!"

You weren't sure which of you screamed. He immediately pressed the end of the object to Amelia's stomach, and a loud sound rang out through the alleyway.

It's funny how the first thing you noticed was the hand mirror that fell out of her bag and shattered on the ground. It took you an extra second to see the blood splatter across the wall behind her, or hear her pained grunt, or see her fall, limp, to the ground.

_No. No. Not Amelia. Please, not Amelia._

Amelia had plenty to live for, and she had never committed any real crimes. She had everything ahead of her. Everything you had ever done had been to keep her safe, _everything_. She was a smart girl, bright, and kinder than anyone else you'd ever met. She had a future.

_I'm just a thief. I've only ever been a thief._

_Take me instead._

You sat on the ground for a moment, in complete shock. Your mind was swirling with anger, hurt, pain, grief, confusion, guilt, despair. Then every emotion faded away from your body and you were left with only one.

**Rage.**

You looked down at your lower body on the ground, seeing that you sat in a bed of broken glass from the window that had been smashed above you. Small cuts littered your body and you noticed vaguely that there was something sticking out of your right cheek. Your hand reached up and pulled the shard of glass out with a steady hand. You felt the blood begin to ooze freely from the gash.

Dropping the small piece that was previously embedded in your cheek, you picked up a long shard and stood on sturdy legs, squeezing it so tightly in your palm that a thin trail of blood leaked out from between your fingers.

It dripped lazily over the ring.

You took a step out of the pool of blood and glass, tiny shards cutting into your already injured feet. Coldly, you walked towards the soldier, leaving bloody footprints in your wake. He stared down at Amelia with ice in his eyes, kicking aside her limp leg with his foot. He turned around to face you.

And the last thing you saw was his look of absolute shock before you slid the shard of glass smoothly across his throat.

Gurgling and wide-eyed, he fell to his knees, clutching his lacerated neck. You went around him as he fell face-first to the ground and knelt by Amelia, pulling her body into your arms. You vaguely noticed the gory tear in her shirt that was steadily leaking her lifeblood.

You didn't even have the strength to cry.

You sat for a few seconds, clutching Amelia as though she would disappear if you let go.

"[N... Name...]," she said weakly. You looked down at her bruising, pale face, steel in your eyes, but a storm in your heart.

"Yes, Amelia?" Your voice sounded stronger than you thought it would.

"Promise me you won't let this break you."

You looked at her in disbelief, and then your eyes burned with unshed tears and a burning, red-hot rage. "I'll try. I promise."

She nodded weakly, eyes drooping. "Promise me you'll try to make a difference. Join the military. Help people. Anything, just... get out of the Undercity. Promise me. Don't spend your life rotting down in that dump."

The first tears started traitorously sneaking their way out of your eyes. There was no stopping them now. Each one landed on Amelia's bloodied cheek, sliding down into her hairline. "I promise."

"You're more than... just a thief. Promise me... you'll see the stars..." She took one last, shuddering breath, and closed her eyes. For the last time.

"I promise," you whispered.

You let out a strangled sob and held her small form to yours, crying openly into her matted hair. You looked behind you and saw the military policeman lying in a pool of blood, as still and pale as Amelia.

You didn't feel rage anymore.

Just overpowering despair.

You looked at the sky now that night had fallen. It was an uninterrupted black.

_They Military Police are broken._

_They're killers._

_They forced our hand._

_They must be made to care._

_I **will** make them care._

"Officer! Officer! I heard a gunshot and screaming from down that alley..."

You heard the woman's voice and sat up abruptly, head snapping to the mouth of the alley as you saw several people jogging in. Amelia fell from your lap and hit the ground with a dull thump. You looked around you in a panic, from Amelia, to the officer, to the mouth of the alley. You stood there, surrounded by two corpses, covered in blood, trying to find a way out, until you heard the heavy footsteps pounding down the stone alley behind you.

You took one last look at your little sister, and then darted down the road in the opposite direction, leaving a pool of blood in your wake.

After you rounded the corner, you could hear the two officers confirming that Amelia's [hair color] hair matched the description of the thief that had been hounding Stohess.

You kept running.

You never looked back.


	2. Welcome to the Cadet Corps

_One Year Later_

You had washed your tunic, and now stretched it out on the wooden table, trying your damnedest to make it look less wrinkly than it obviously was. You let go of its frayed, slightly ripped edge, and the shirt almost immediately shrank in on itself. It almost looked as if it was going into the fetal position.

You frowned. This was _definitely_ not going like you planned.

After several more minutes of struggling with the shirt, you gave up entirely, throwing it over your head in all its semi-cleaned, wrinkly glory.

At least you didn't smell anymore. You have to be grateful for the little things, or so you learned.

But this? This was important to you. Today was the day you were finally going to do it.

Today, registration opened for the Cadet Corps. All year, during the day, you'd been hard at work in the fields, doing whatever tedious task your supervisor had assigned for you, earning yourself a measly income. At night, you'd been training and training, working on getting better in every aspect of combat and stealth that you could. Anything that could help you get into the Military Police. Unfortunately, combat training by yourself could only get you so far.

 _Top ten,_ you reminded yourself. _This isn't a game. You've got to make top ten. And besides, training is what the next three years are for._

You stepped out of the tiny room you had rented in Trost, and exited onto the street, patting yourself down and brushing off the invisible dust that always seemed to cling to clothing.

You looked up at the early-morning stars shining brightly overhead and drew your eyebrows together sadly. You twisted the ring on your right index finger absently. You had developed a habit of doing that over the last year. Especially when you thought about her.

_You were right. These are far more beautiful than those in the Undercity._

You walked a ways down the street, hands in the pockets of your trousers. You knew the women above ground were supposed to wear skirts; somehow, you never saw the point. Skirts were impractical. If you wore one in the Undercity, you wouldn't last an hour. Either the cold or the men would get to you. You still didn't know which one was worse, but you saw no reason to start wearing skirts now.

 _A half an hour,_ you thought, looking up at the sky. _Registration opens at dawn._

You knew you wouldn't be starting actual training for another week or so, but you couldn't help but go through everything you'd worked hard to learn in your mind.

_Strike hard and fast._

_Stick to their blind spots._

_Breath in through your nose, out through your mouth._

_Never let them know what you are._

You knew that having "Undercity" listed as your place of birth would be a surefire way of getting the Military Police to hone in on who you were, so... you'd have to lie. You didn't make any friends over the last year. You felt no desire to, but you did overhear some of the other field workers' conversations. Jinae District was relatively obscure, not too much going on there. It'd have to do.

In an hour's time, you would officially be [Name] [Surname] of Jinae, trainee in the Cadet Corps.

You couldn't tell whether you wanted to laugh or cry. Maybe both.

There was a nagging fear at the back of your mind that you'd have to fill out some paperwork, but hopefully the paper-shortage in Wall Rose would allow them to cut some corners.

You weren't sure how to explain to the registry that you didn't even have the education required to write down your full name.

Ten minutes or so later, you came across a building with ivy crawling it's way up the side. Perfect.

Grabbing hold of one of the dark, leafy vines, you hoisted your lithe body up and climbed quietly to the roof. You still had some time to kill, and you wanted to watch the sunrise.

You've had a year of seeing it, and you're still not tired of it. You doubted you ever would be.

Every time you saw one of the wonders of the world above, you'd think of her. You found yourself wishing, each time, that she'd be there to witness it with you. But each time, you'd never been anything but alone.

You climbed over the peak of the roof to sit on the other side. As you walked carefully over the loose shingles, you froze.

Someone else had gotten there before you.

You _weren't_ alone.

The figure rotated from his spot at the edge of the roof, looking at you in confusion with brilliant green eyes.

"...Hi," you spat out intelligently.

He quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head, shaggy brown hair falling in his eyes. "Hi."

You both stood in silence for a few seconds, staring at each other on the desolate rooftop.

_Awkward._

"What, are you some kind of criminal?" the boy asked suspiciously.

"No!" you answered quickly, defensive, feeling a bead of sweat form on your forehead. _Shit, am I that obvious? Really fucking smooth!_ you thought. "I just have something I need to do soon and I couldn't sleep, so I wanted to watch the sunrise." _What are you doing? You don't need to explain yourself to this guy, stupid!_

He seemed to deliberate on your answer for a moment, before nodding and turning back to face the sky. "Alright then. We can share the roof."

You stared at him for a few moments, confused. _Who does he think he is? I'll use the damned roof if I want to use the roof!_ you thought, crossing your arms across your chest.

You were too lost in your internal sassing to notice you hadn't moved since the boy spoke. "What, you just gonna stand there? You can sit, you know. Sun's coming up in a minute."

You started and tentatively moved to sit next to the boy, feet dangling off the edge of the roof. You both sat in silence.

"What's happening today that's so big you can't even sleep?" he questioned.

You were surprised by his curiosity, but saw no reason to lie. You narrowed your eyes. "I'm signing up for the Cadet Corps."

He turned his head towards you, eyebrows furrowed. "You don't look like the soldier type."

You looked at him indignantly. "Who are you to judge what 'type' I am?"

He looked away again. "No one, I suppose." He paused. "I'm registering, too."

You weren't shocked. Your smile was almost feral. "So we'll be competing for top ten."

The boy snorted. Outright _snorted_. "Yeah, right. I'm not competing for anything. I'm joining the Survey Corps."

That was enough to wipe the smile off your face and you balked. "Are you serious? You're not even going to _try_ for the Military Police? Are you suicidal?"

"I'm going to work my hardest and become the best at killing titans. Then, I will kill the titans. _All of them_. If I happen to end up in the top ten, then great. If not, it won't ruin my day."

You looked away from him, thinking that maybe you wouldn't like this guy very much.

"So, I guess you're one of the cowards who wants to earn an easy life by riding with the Military Police then, huh?"

Your head snapped towards him, face curling into a sneer. _Oh, yeah. I definitely don't like this guy._ "Is valuing my life really a trait to scoff at?"

"What life?" he shot back. "Cowering behind the walls in the hope you'll never have to see a titan isn't much of a life. You're just livestock, waiting to be slaughtered and eaten." He turned his head away from you, a frown on his face.

"Oh? And what would you know of cowering? I'm sure you haven't seen any of the evil this world has to offer, and you certainly haven't seen any titans. Those who have are dead."

He fell completely silent and glared at you mercilessly.

Your voice was quiet as you continued. "Once you get a taste of what real fear is, you won't be so keen on going nose to nose with a monster."

His eyes narrowed. "And you have so much experience in dealing with evil and fear?"

You looked out towards the sky, lips falling into a deep frown. "...Yeah. Some."

You hadn't even noticed the sun coming up. He looked at the sky and then back to you, green fire in his eyes and stood up, turning away from you. "I'm heading over to the military headquarters. Registration opens soon."

You sat for a few more minutes, staring at the brilliant oranges and pinks splayed across the sky.

You frowned.

_That guy is suicidal._

~

Eren stomped away from you, anger ebbing away at his heart.

 _Great job, Eren. Making friends already,_ he thought heatedly. _Are they all gonna be like that? I sure as fucking hell hope not._

He returned as quickly as possible to the room where he, Armin, and Mikasa were staying, opening to door without so much as a thought for courtesy. He looked at their sleeping forms and frowned. "Hey!" he barked. "Get up! It's time to go!"

Armin sat up quickly, blonde hair sticking up in a messy halo and looked around in a panic. Mikasa didn't move. She simply opened one eye and glared at her step-brother.

"There are kinder ways to wake someone up in the morning, Eren," she said scolding.

"Sure. Next time I'll be sure to splash water on your lazy ass."

Armin looked absolutely horrified at the thought, but shook it off a second later, along with his bed-hair. "Where did you go?"

"I just went for a walk. Met another registrant."

"Oh, yeah?" Armin asked curiously. "What was he like?"

Eren pursed his lips, looking at nothing in particular. "She's going to try for the Military Police. She doesn't matter."

Eren's frowned deepened. If you didn't matter, why did what you said bother him so much?

~

"Sasha Braus. B-R-A-U-S. Dauper Village," said a brunette with her mop of brown hair tied back into a high ponytail. Bits of hair fell down into her face, obscuring it slightly. Overall, she looked physically fit. Competition.

"Sasha Braus. You are assigned to the 104th Trainees Division. Next!" shouted the angry looking man with the clipboard, waving away the girl and glaring at the next in line. "Name and place of birth."

You looked away, overcome with relief that the registration process was verbal and not written. You were double relieved that it seemed only some of the registrants decided to spell out their names, but you had yet to see the man with the clipboard ask someone to spell their name. You had a small thought to look around again and observe your competition, but decided against it. It didn't matter, anyway. Stats show that more than half of them would end up dropping out or dying in the first six months. That's when the contenders for the top ten really begin to show themselves. You played with the ring on your finger.

_I promise you, Amelia, I will make it to the end._

"Eren Jaeger," said a familiar voice.

You looked curiously up to the front of the line where the guy from the roof stood with a small, blonde boy and beautiful girl with long, black hair.

_Pfft. Figures._

He stood there, looking as proud and angry as ever, eyebrows furrowed.

_Guy needs to calm the fuck down for -_

"Shiganshina."

All the blood drained from your face.

You weren't the only one, either. It seemed like everyone within earshot had turned to look at the boy from Shiganshina District.

_You've got to be kidding me... how is he even alive?_

As it turns out, the two he was standing with, Arlert and Ackerman, were also from Shiganshina.

You then felt a very small, familiar bug called 'guilt' begin to crawl it's way under your skin.

_**"And what would you know of cowering?"** _

_He's not cowering. He's here to join the damned_ Survey Corps _. After having seen what I'm sure he's seen, that's about as far from 'cowering' as it gets. It's... brave._

_**"You haven't seen any of the evil this world has to offer."** _

_Shiganshina witnessed first-hand how bad the world gets. I was miles and miles away, and I still had nightmares about just what I'd heard through gossip in downtown... I can't even imagine..._

_**"You certainly haven't seen any titans."** _

_He's probably seen more titans than anyone else not in the Suicide Corps. Damn it, I'm so stupid..._

_**"Those who have are dead."** _

_He must have lost so much._

_**"Once you get a taste of what real fear is, you won't be so keen on going nose to nose with a monster."** _

_Great job, [Name]. Making friends already._

_Oh, Sina, I'm a piece of shit._

~

"Name and place of birth."

"[Name] [Surname]. Jinae District."

"104th Trainees Division, [Surname]. Report to the Cadet Corps HQ a week from today. Next!"

 _That was it?_ you thought, walking away. _All this time worried I wouldn't be able to get in, and that was it?_

_Guess they can't afford to be picky nowadays._

You heard very faintly the voice of the freckled boy who had stood behind you in line. "Marco Bodt, Jinae District."

 _Hey, looks like I've got friends from home_ , you thought wryly. _Here's hoping Jinae isn't a small as they say it is._

You passed the group from Shiganshina as you were leaving the HQ. You could feel the boy, Jaeger, look at you as you walked by.

You averted your eyes and stared straight ahead, iron in your eyes, the whole way out.

~

A week later, you were finally there.

Finally standing in the sweltering sunlight wearing thick trousers, knee-high boots, and a dark, heavy jacket. Not to mention the criss-crossing straps that seemed to pinch you in _all_ the wrong places.

You thought you might be sick.

You heard the instructor, Keith Shadis, harassing the poor kid named Armin from down the line a bit. You vaguely recognized him as one of the Shiganshina trio. You could swear in that moment that his voice went up about three octaves in fear.

You would have smiled if you weren't afraid you were about to lose your breakfast.

Shadis made his way down through the line, stopping at every doe-eyed recruit to give them shit simply for existing. You swallowed what felt like a stone in your throat.

Oh Sina, you were sweating like a pig. _Is it always this hot in Trost? Or is it the uniform? Is it just me, am I nervous? Come on, suck it up!_

You noticed Shadis passing by the green-eyed boy and black-haired girl from Shiganshina. There was no need to toughen them up or put the fear of God in them; they'd already gone through their rites of passage.

Some poor sod from Trost was picking himself up off the ground from a vicious headbutt for wanting to live the high life in the Capital, courtesy of Instructor Badass, when the devil himself stopped in front of you.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU."

You plastered a look of pure steel on your face. "[Name] [Surname] of Jinae, SIR!" You were pleased your voice sounded much stronger than you felt. Especially considering your knees felt like jelly beneath you.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, CADET."

"To join the Military Police, sir!"

Shadis looked at you scornfully. Thinking back to the way he'd handled the Trost kid, you thought maybe you should have said "Garrison Regiment" instead.

"What makes you want to join the Police?"

You gulped, but your resolve didn't fade. "To serve justice, sir."

"Interesting," he said thoughtfully, "that a slob like you wants to serve justice. TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT, [SURNAME]. The Military Police don't deal in your brand of shit!"

You would never admit it and promised to probably pummel anyone who mentioned it, but you squeaked in fear and hurried to tuck in your shirt, hands shaking. Shadis moved on to the next cadet, the same freckled boy from registration.

With your shirt tucked in more neatly than ever before in your life, you stood at attention and looked around you at the other cadets. You caught the boy from Shiganshina, Jaeger, looking at you out of the corner of his green eyes. As soon as yours met his, he looked away and stared straight ahead, fierce determination evident on his features.

You swayed a little where you stood, and it had nothing to do with the downright _attractive_ shade of his irises. Not that you'd ever admit _that_ , either.

"FOURTH ROW, ABOUT FACE!"

You pivoted, grateful for a reason not to have to look at Jaeger for a second longer.

~

Eren was glad that Shadis decided to pass him by. It was hot as hell, and he wasn't sure he'd be able to speak without his voice cracking from being so dry.

Yeah, it was dry. That was it. It had nothing to do with slight pull of nervousness in his chest.

He glanced at Mikasa. She looked as stony as ever, a look of complete self-control on her face.

Damn, he wished he could that.

"[Name] [Surname] of Jinae, SIR!"

He turned slightly too look at you. You swayed slightly where you stood and your skin looked clammy, but your voice was stronger than most of the other trainees here and your face held a mask of stoicism and determination.

 _Hell,_ he thought, astonished. _She's serious about making top ten!_

Shadis finished his interrogation and moved on. You clearly looked relieved but had to keep readjusting your feet to stay standing. You looked like you might collapse. _Maybe it was too hot?_ Eren thought.

Your eyes flicked in his direction and he avoided them, looking straight ahead.

Not before he noticed the pretty [eye color] of your irises, though.

~

Once you were nauseous, lightheaded, _and_ weak-kneed from the unrelenting heat on the training field, Shadis finally finished with his harsh dehumanization of the 104th trainees.

You tried to maintain your composure on the way back to the mess hall, watching the pony-tailed girl from Dauper, Sasha, run her millionth lap. You couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity for her.

Quite frankly, you would have taken the potato, too. Old habits die hard.

You heard the chatter and bustle of all of your fellow trainees around you, but really had no interest in joining them. They were competition, nothing more. Making friends was pointless.

You fell behind the large group quickly enough, unsteady on your feet. Finally, you were almost to the mess hall. You could hardly believe it. Just a few more feet - 

Your eyes could have popped out of your head when you felt your knees buckle.

"Oof, shit - " you cursed, rapidly approaching the hard ground. You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to brace yourself for impact.

It never came, though. You felt a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around your waist, preventing you from falling. You opened one eye cautiously.

"How do you expect to be in the Military Police if you can't last a single day of standing around and doing nothing? That's basically their entire job description."

Your face turned a deep, embarrassing red.

Eren helped you to stand up, keeping a steadying hand on your waist. "You good?"

"I'm fine, Jaeger," you spat, looking at him fiercely. You knew you reacted a bit... harshly because of your embarrassment. You couldn't help it.

He looked at you in surprise and then anger (you were beginning to realize it was a frequent expression for him), and then turned on his heel, heading for the mess hall. "Fine. Whatever."

You closed your eyes and took a deep, calming breath. "Wait. Jaeger."

He stopped and turned to face you once again.

You met his gaze. "What were doing all the way back here and not with your friends?"

He actually looked a little flustered at your question, cheeks turning red and eyes lowered. "I... told them to go ahead. I noticed you didn't look good, and I just wanted to make sure you made it back okay."

_He was worried about me? After what I said?_

You looked at the ground in shame. "Thank you. And... I'm sorry."

He looked genuinely confused. "What are you sorry for?"

You felt your cheeks flush again. "For what I said before."

He looked smug. "Oh, well then. I forgive you."

You looked up at him and crossed your arms. "Don't start being all cocky! I still think you're an idiot."

He scoffed. "I still think you're a coward."

"Fine!" you said, pushing past him.

To your horror, your knees buckled again and you fell against him.

"You know, if you wanted me to touch you, there are better ways to go about doing it," he said, a clear smirk in his voice as he held you up.

You gritted your teeth in anger. "Fuck you. Help me up."

"Whatever you say, boss," he mocked, wrapping an arm around your waist and helping you up the stairs to the mess hall. Once you reached the top, you leaned against the wall gratefully.

"Don't tell anyone about this," you said. You meant for it to sound like a demand, but instead it came out as a weak plea. You could have died from shame.

Eren just laughed. How _infuriating_. "Fine."

 _Sina,_ you thought angrily, gritting your teeth. _I hate that guy._


	3. Where We Differ

You waited a few minutes after Eren had entered the mess hall, watching poor Potato Girl run her final laps, before you decided to follow. Truth be told, you didn't look forward to having to go in anyway. You weren't exactly a 'people person', as you were more than aware.

Finally, Shadis' unfortunate victim pulled up in front of the mess hall and collapsed, sweating heavily and panting like a parched dog. Which she may as well have been, as far as you were concerned.

You shot her a look of pity and were about to finally enter the mess hall when a tiny blonde girl darted out, hands full with a loaf of bread and a skein filled with water. She slowly walked down the stairs to the ground. "I've brought you food," she called shyly to Potato Girl, who was already picking herself up off the ground.

She was across the ground and tearing apart the bread in her mouth so quickly that you thought she might have taken the girl's fingers with it.

You sighed and turned away, passing a taller, dark-haired girl as you finally entered the mess hall.

You regretted it almost immediately.

The room was filled with several dozen loud, chattering trainees. It seemed like everyone had already found their cliques and were talking animatedly. Barely any seats remained.

Except for the two that must have previously belonged to the two girls outside with Potato Girl. As it would happen, those two seats were very, _very_ close to where Jaeger and Co. were sitting.

_Fucking wonderful._

You collected your own piece of bread and bowl of colorless slop, before heading over to the table and sitting down heavily, happy to finally be off your feet after such a long day. The three looked up at you curiously, before getting the hint that you didn't want to talk and returning to their own meals.

Well, two of them at least.

Jaeger shot you a strange look, but you narrowed your eyes at him and he also took the hint.

Thank Sina.

"Not a lot of spare seats, huh?" Eren said obnoxiously. You knew he wasn't talking to you so much as _about_ you. That made it even worse. Your face burned.

"More will free up as time goes on. There was a whole carriage of drop-outs leaving for the fields, and today's only the first day." That came from the blonde boy, Arlert.

"If you can't cut it here, you can't stay. It's as simple as that."

Now _that_ you could agree with at least. The fewer people in the Corps, the fewer you had to compete with to make it into the Police. You could live with that.

You blocked out their conversation and decided to take a look around you at some of the other cadets in the mess hall.

At the other end of the table where you were sat two scary-looking blondes, a male and a female, and a sweaty, brunette giraffe who looked like he wanted nothing more than to become one with the wall and disappear completely. Despite their silence, you could tell that all three of them, even the giraffe, were going to be difficult to beat. They already had the look of hardened warriors.

The table across, however, was a different story. A small, almost-bald boy sat talking very loudly to an even smaller girl with dark pigtails, who was quick to insert her cheerful input. Next to them sat a tall boy with dark, slicked back hair who was talking quietly with his quiet, pale-haired counterpart. The way they spoke to each other made you think they must have known each other from before.

At the other end of that table was the Trost boy who had been headbutted earlier. He sat rubbing the angry-looking red mark on his head while the freckled Marco from Jinae spoke to him animatedly. It looked as though the Trost guy couldn't care less what was being said though, and ended up resting his head on his fist, looking as dejected as a lost puppy. Next to them sat a red-headed girl blushing fiercely at a tall brunette boy. All in all, they didn't seem like too much of a threat either.

Having observed all the others within your immediate vicinity, you looked to the Shiganshina trio to your right. It didn't take much to tell that the black-haired girl was going to be a serious problem. Her eyes were as hard as stone and she was obviously very physically capable. The blonde didn't look like much, but you decided that he had survived a titan invasion and deserved to be treated cautiously anyway. Then there was Jaeger.

His turquoise eyes were as bright as ever, alight with a fire that looked like a mixture of anger and determination, but his brow was relaxed as he spoke with his friends. He had a lean, slender body that had clearly developed some muscle in his teen years, and broad shoulders that supported a loose, tan tunic with ties at his throat. His skin was slightly tanned from spending time outdoors, and his dark, chocolate hair lay in a messy pile atop his head. His hands looked rough from work, and he seemed to have a habit of tapping the table.

That was when you realized he was staring at you.

His eyebrows furrowed again. "Are you sure you're alright? You still look a little pale."

You stood up quickly, taking your half-eaten dinner with you. "I'm fine. Goodnight."

You were out the door before he even had a chance to look surprised.

You padded down the stairs, and stepped back onto the grass, quickly walking across the field towards the girl's dormitory you had moved your scant possessions to earlier in the day. There really wasn't much need for you; you barely owned anything worth taking with you to begin with. The only thing you cared about was the ring that sat comfortably on your right index finger.

As you entered the small dormitory room you'd be sharing with seven of the other girls, you were greeted with the sounds of soft conversation and a loud, guttural snoring.

_Oh, Amelia, give me strength._

You tip-toed past the snoring Potato Girl and made your way over to your bunk, climbing up quickly to grab the knapsack with your meager possessions before pulling the knee-high boots off your legs and depositing them neatly beneath the bunk bed. You sighed in relief. _It's gonna take me a while to get used to this whole 'shoes' thing..._

The small blonde and tall brunette were talking quietly in one of the bottom bunks in the corner of the room, in their bedclothes, clearly having already showered. You pulled your bag down and carried it swiftly to the locker rooms in the back of the dormitory. You really wanted nothing more than to take a shower as well and call it a night.

If you were being honest with yourself, you were quite excited at the prospect of a real, working shower. You'd never used one before, and were shocked (and pleased) to hear that the military had full access to entire _rooms_ of them. You even heard that each dorm room had it's own locker room! You smiled in excitement as you opened the door.

It fell off your face as soon as you saw that none of the showers had any sort of barrier. It was just a square room with a few stalls for toilets (thankfully, _those_ had doors), a pair of sinks that sat before dirty mirrors, and a long wall of thin, metal lockers. On the wall opposite from that was a row of four shower heads. So you'd have to shower naked with the other girls.

You knew it was too good to be true.

~

Twenty minutes later, you stood before one of the foggy mirrors in your new, plain nightclothes. You were happy that at least this once, you got to take a shower in solitude. You knew the opportunities for such luxury would probably be rare in the future.

You rubbed away the fog on the mirror with the back of your hand, and stared at your reflection. Your skin was tinged slightly red from the intense sunlight today, and you had dark circles under your eyes from the lack of sleep. Your wet hair was pulled back, and your eyes fell to your right cheek. A long, thin scar stretched from the corner of your mouth up to your ear from that window, all those nights ago. You'd never be able to look at yourself again without being reminded of your failure.

With a pained exhale, you picked up your bag and re-entered the main dorm area just as all the other girls who you'd be living with were returning from the mess hall.

To your annoyance, one decided that now was a good time to commence introductions. 'After all, the eight of you would be living together for the next three years!'

_Ugh._

The ring leader of the horror show (Mina Carolina, she said her name was) was the dark-haired girl with the pigtails from earlier. The petite blonde introduced herself as Christa Lenz, and her tall companion said her name was Ymir. You noticed absently that her face was covered in freckles. The blonde, Christa, pointed to the sleeping Potato Girl and told us her name was Sasha. Again, you vaguely remembered her from registration day. The quiet redhead introduced herself as Hannah.

You recognized the pretty girl with the unique features from Shiganshina, who quickly introduced herself as Mikasa before grabbing her bag and entering the locker room. The scary blonde revealed her name was Annie, but looked none too pleased to do so, before following suite. Then the attention fell on you.

Might as well get it over with. "[Name]," you said quietly.

Mina looked positively thrilled and approached your bunk with a skip in her step. "So you're my bunk-mate!" she squealed.

You quirked an eyebrow at her, but she seemed entirely unaffected, holding out a hand and shooting you her widest smile. "Nice to meet you!"

You noticed a familiar spark of hope in her eyes.

_Amelia smiled like that, too._

You gave her a half-hearted smile before crawling under the covers. "Yeah," you said, yawning. "You, too."

Mina's expression didn't change in the slightest at your lack of enthusiasm as you hid your face beneath the blanket. "Goodnight, [Name]!" she chirped, before grabbing her own bag and heading off to the locker room with the others.

 _Finally,_ you thought, as your eyes drifted shut. _Goodnight, Amelia._

Within seconds, you were fast asleep.

~

Waking up the next day felt like hell. Your face and chest were tight and dry from the sun yesterday, and peeling in some spots. Your skin was incredibly sensitive as a result of living underground and away from the sun for the first fourteen years of your life, and the consequences of that were really starting to show. Even the year of working in the field didn't help all that much. At least then you had a hat to cover your face and neck and gloves to shield your hands.

You groaned when you sat up and your bones cracked audibly. Stretching like a cat, you jumped down and quickly changed into your uniform. Several of the other girls were still sleeping, Annie and Sasha among them. Mikasa was already in her uniform and stretching, and you could hear the distinct sounds of chatter coming from the locker room.

 _Okay,_ you thought fiercely. _Day one._

~

Turns out 'day one' was going to consist of an awful lot of conditioning exercises and running.

You were all seated in rows in front of the Instructor, who was directing you into certain stretches to loosen up your muscles. It seemed like no one but a few of the girls were very fond of this warm-up. You certainly were not one of them. You didn't see how holding your leg above your head for x amount of seconds was useful in any way to killing titans. You could think of a few things it might be useful for, but you doubted the military held any things such as that in high regard.

You chuckled softly at your own joke, causing Hannah to give you a strange look from your right, as she tried (and failed) to stay balanced on one foot.

You would have laughed aloud if you could have seen Eren fall on his ass three rows behind you.

He nearly laughed out loud despite that, seeing as he had the perfect view of yours.

~

It was good that you'd spent the entirety of your childhood running, so you at least had a leg-up (you chuckled again to yourself) when it came to the running. You were towards the front of the group and barely breaking a sweat when you heard a pair of heavy boots approaching you.

"Hey," Eren said between breaths, moving at a crisp speed to come up beside you.

"Hello," you said shortly, picking up the pace and darting ahead of him.

"You know, you could at least try and be civil. We _will_ be training together for the next three years," he called sternly, jogging more quickly to catch up to you.

"As far as I'm concerned, you're competition. Nothing more," you shot at him, without so much as a glance in his direction.

"Isn't that a bit lonely?" he asked, sounding genuinely curious.

Mikasa silently jogged up next to Eren and slowed, maintaining his pace with the straightest of faces.

You huffed at this. "Unlike some, I don't need a group of sycophants following me around to make me feel good about myself," you said haughtily, increasing your speed again and moving to the front of the group.

Even if he were able to move that quickly, Eren would have let you go ahead without him.

God, you put a bad taste in his mouth.

~

You were all winding down from the harsh day of exercises in the mess hall when Eren approached you again. You had been seated on the railing in front of the building, adjusting your boots. Sina, were they uncomfortable on your feet.

"What's your problem?"

You looked up at him from your boots, a single eyebrow raised.

"Excuse me?"

"What's your problem?" he repeated. "You've been nothing but hostile to me and everyone else since we got here."

You scoffed, straightening your back and looking him in the eye. His pretty, turquoise-colored eye. "I told you, Jaeger," you said coldly, hopping down from the railing. "I'm not here to make nice. I'm here to get in the Military Police."

His eyebrows furrowed even deeper, if that were possible. "That's bullshit, and you know it. You intend to not make a single friend for the entire three years we all train together? You're just going to sit alone every day, and eat alone and train alone and go to bed without talking to a single person, every day? For three years? Do you really want to be so isolated? Don't you care about _anyone_?"

His words struck a chord within you and you felt a twinge of pain. "I did," you forced out. "I've been alone since then, and it hasn't done me wrong yet."

You started away from him then with stiff limbs, wanting out of the uncomfortable subject.

Eren's soft voice stopped you dead in your tracks. "If you've lost someone, then you should know what it means to appreciate what you have while it's still there."

You looked back at him, all the hostility gone from your face. "What I've learned, Jaeger, is that you can't lose what is never yours to begin with." You turned away again, but didn't move. "It's a dangerous world we live in. I refuse to get attached to anyone else, only to lose them in some horrific way... you should understand that."

To your shock, your words didn't seem to anger him. He looked at you seriously. "That's where we differ. I lost someone, too. I lost them horrifically. But I won't distance myself from everyone as a result. I learned to take nothing and no one for granted, and let those I care about, here or gone, motivate me to become a better person. And every day, I become better."

You sighed, facing away from the boy completely. "You're right, Jaeger," you said softly as you began walking away again.

He could barely hear your next words, but sadness rung in them as clear as the green of his eyes.

"That's where we differ."


	4. Belief

"Christa, who do you think is the most attractive?"

The petite girl blushed furiously at the question, looking at her tiny feet dangling over the edge of her bed. "I - I - I really don't know," she stammered. "I've never really given it much thought. I really just like everyone."

"Oh, come on!" Mina drawled, throwing her head back dramatically. "Don't be such a saint! We've been here for weeks! There must be _someone_ you like especially well. Or at least someone you find to be better-looking than the others!"

Christa looked positively alarmed. She didn't want to have to choose a favorite. This was just like Christa; she made it a personal goal to be kind and helpful to everyone, no matter what the personal cost. She'd been this way since day one, sacrificing her own dinner to help poor "Potato Girl" who'd been unlucky enough to attract the instructor's ire.

The price she was paying for not picking favorites now was Mina's full, undivided attention. And incessant badgering.

This sort of girl-to-girl bonding had been happening more frequently lately, to the displeasure of everyone in the 104th girls except for Mina. She seemed to think that forcing each of us to spill our guts about things we'd rather keep secret was a surefire way to get all of us to become stronger as a whole, creating a better 'team dynamic'. Mina was always spouting something or other in favor of becoming stronger as a team.

"She likes me," Ymir cut in, throwing herself down on the bed beside Christa and wrapping a slender arm around her shoulders. "Don't you?"

Christa giggled and leaned into her friend. "Definitely. I'd say Ymir."

Mina frowned. "No fair! We're talking about the guys!"

Christa's high laugh died down. She paused thoughtfully, before finally giving in to Mina's prodding. "If I had to pick a guy, I'd say Reiner. But that _doesn't mean I like him_ ", she clarified, blushing fiercely. "He just seems like a really nice guy."

Mina looked satisfied at this answer and giggled. "He definitely likes you! You two would make an adorable couple! Imagine the little blonde babies!"

If it was possible, Christa flushed an even deeper shade of red. Ymir's face darkened with something akin to murderous intent. Every ounce of it was directed at the host of this little 'slumber party'.

Mina decided it was a good time to turn her attention to someone else before she incurred the wrath of the freckled demon of the 104th Trainees Division. Her face lit up with curiosity. "Annie! Who do you like?"

Annie glared at Mina silently, shooting daggers with her eyes.

Mina quickly took the hint and withdrew nervously, searching for her next victim. Annie was the sole exception to the 'team dynamic' Mina was always happy to say was developing nicely. No matter how hard she tried, or how nice she was, Annie was never receptive to her questioning. A loner down to her very core, the steely blue gaze of the girl in the hoodie never failed to make even _you_ uneasy. And you grew up among the gangs and crime syndicates of the underground district. Annie truly was something else, and as competent as she was, you weren't entirely sure that fact was a good thing. When it came down to it, the blonde scared you out of your wits.

You were pulled away from your thoughts by a loud _bang_. "[Name]!" Mina called cheerfully, brunette pigtails bouncing as she rapped on the boards above her bed.  "Who do you think is the best looking?"

You peered from over the edge of the top bunk where you sat, raising an eyebrow at your bunk-mate. "I don't like anyone," you replied, turning back to continue folding your uniform.

Mina jumped from her bed and grabbed hold of the edge of the top bunk, pulling herself up to the chin and looking at you innocently. "Come on! Who's your favorite? You _have_ to have a favorite."

You gently placed your folded shirt down before looking at Mina with an expression of complete severity.

"Instructor Shadis."

"Ew!" Mina shrieked, laughing. "Come on, [Name], please?" You were silent, so she continued. "How about Eren? I've seen the way he looks at you!"

You froze, halfway through folding your standard issue trousers. "Why would you say something like that?"

Mina practically flew up into your bed. You pulled back, nearly falling off in the process. If looks could kill, Mina would be titan shit by now. "Don't act like you haven't noticed! He always has this funny look on his face when you're around."

"Yeah," you agreed. "It's called _anger_. We haven't exactly gotten along, Mina."

She looked positively affronted. "Don't be silly! Eren's always angry. We know what his angry face looks like. The one he gives you is different."

"Doesn't look any different to me," you said curtly, moving your laundry out of Mina's overexcited way.

Mina pouted. "Humor me! What do you think of Eren?"

Your lips fell into a frown at her eagerness. "Jaeger's a suicidal bastard running headlong towards an early death," you said with forced calm, resuming your chore.

_Why did she have to bring up Jaeger, of all people? Even talking about that dolt Kirchstein is preferable..._

"Maybe... but that doesn't mean you can't like him, does it?" she asked coyly, waggling her eyebrows.

You gave her a tired look, and didn't reply. Realizing she wouldn't be getting anymore from you, she gave you a wide grin and dropped back down to her own bunk.

"Hannah! Who do you think is the best?"

"...Franz, I guess..."

The sound of Mina's excited squeals were drowned out by your thoughts on her words, and a familiar voice echoing in your mind.

_I let those I care about motivate me to become a better person._

You never even noticed Mikasa looking at you curiously out of the corner of her eye.

~

"CADETS! Today we begin 3DMG training! DOUBLE-CHECK YOUR GEAR, AND THEN CHECK IT AGAIN. We will start with a balance assessment!"

You wiped the sweat off your brow as you stood towards the back of the group, adjusting and readjusting your already-uncomfortable harness. The straps dug painfully into your skin, but you hadn't yet developed any of the rumored bruising you'd heard so much about. You hadn't had much use for the strapping yet in your training, but Shadis said that you must wear it each day, as you'd be wearing it every day until you were finally, mercifully swallowed whole by titan. The man certainly knew how to raise morale.

 _Too bad I'll never get close enough to a titan to get eaten,_ you thought smugly.

Top ten. You just had to make it into the top ten.

You finished tightening your leathers for at least the fourth time, before twisting your ring off your finger and depositing it safely into your pant pocket.

_Bring it on._

You moved your way to the front of the crowd, watching the other trainees having varying degrees of success during their own balance assessments.

You stifled a giggle as you saw Eren fall forward and bash his head on the ground. Hard.

Shadis' eyes shot towards you and narrowed dangerously.

"[SURNAME]."

You squeaked embarrassingly and jumped, throwing your fist into a hasty salute. "Sir!"

"RESPECT YOUR COMRADES, [SURNAME]. THEY ARE YOUR BROTHERS- AND SISTERS-IN-ARMS, AND THEY ARE THE ONES WHO WILL COVER YOUR ASS WHEN THE TITANS COME KNOCKING."

Your face burned as the eyes of the other trainees fell on you (you distinctly noticed a pair of bright greens looking up at you from their location on the ground), and you looked at Shadis meekly. "Yes, sir."

His eyebrows knotted together and he looked at you fiercely. "Go assist Jaeger with restarting his balance assessment. If I see you laughing again, you will run laps until your lungs collapse and you never laugh again."

"Yes, sir." _I wonder if it's possible to melt into the ground and disappear?_

"Get to it, [Surname]," he grunted before walking towards Armin, who seemed to be struggling with his balance.

You sighed and walked quickly towards Jaeger, keeping your eyes on the ground.

_My brother-in-arms?_

"Jaeger," you said dully as you approached the boy, cranking the contraption to ease him onto the ground. "Unclip your harness. You need to reset."

He looked at you upside down with a scowl, before reaching up and snapping the small metal clips off, falling to the ground with a soft _thump_ , the dirt fanning out beneath him.

You walked over to him, tentatively offering a hand to help him to his feet. He gave you a dirty look and struggled to a standing position on his own. "I don't need your help."

You returned his glare. "Fine! I was trying to help. What happened to being 'civil'?"

"I tried that with you. Didn't seem to take," he spat, dusting off the back of his trousers. "Besides, you only care because Shadis chewed you out. For _laughing_ at me."

You tried to keep the look of shame off your face, but failed. "...I know. And I'm sorry."

He seemed to appraise you for a moment, before grunting a 'fine' and re-securing his gear. "I'm ready. Let's do it again."

You nodded and made your way back over to the crank, rotating it slowly and watching as Eren's straps tightened and he slowly lifted off his feet.

 _Crack!_ You cringed as he fell forward sharply, smashing his forehead against the ground.

"Jaeger!"

He groaned into the dirt.

You slowly lowered the boy down and jogged towards his still form. "Jaeger, you alright?" You knelt beside him, and gently rolled him over onto his back. "Shit," you cursed quietly.

Blood streamed down his face from a shallow cut on his temple, and his eyes were unfocused. You waved your hands in front of his face, but he didn't respond.

"Jaeger, come on, look at me," you said, worry taking over your tone. You shook his shoulders lightly, and his eyes flicked to you, still not completely lucid.

"So... pretty..." he muttered quietly, attempting to lift a hand. It fell back to his side heavily.

You blanched. "Come on, Jaeger, it's not funny. Snap out of it!"

Eren giggled. _Giggled._

So, naturally, you slapped him.

He jolted. "Urggh, geroff me," he grunted, pushing you away. He seemed to think better of it, though, grabbing your arm and pulling himself up into a semi-sitting position, nose almost touching yours as you still were bent over him. "I can do it. I'm fine. Let's start again."

"You're bleeding," you pointed out, red traitorously sneaking it's way to your face. _Did he call me pretty?_

He glared at you from his place on the ground, resolve evident in his turquoise eyes. "I can do it."

"Don't be an idiot, idiot," you said harshly. "Your head is bleeding. You should get medical attention."

He gave you a look of poison.

You growled in frustration and stood up quickly. He lost his grip on your arm and fell back against the ground. "You want to do it again, fine! But find someone else who's willing to help you kill yourself. I'm leaving."

"Fine!" he shouted, trying (and failing) to lift himself off the ground once more.

"Fine," you said coolly, marching away. "Mikasa, your brother is going to crack his skull on the ground over there. I can't handle him. Can you take over?" you asked the quiet girl.

She raised her eyebrows at you incredulously, but nodded, heading over to where Eren was still struggling in the dirt.

~

It had been about an hour since your conversation with Eren, and finally, it was almost your turn for your assessment.

"You know, he's really not all that bad."

You looked beside you to find the owner of the voice. "Huh?"

"He's more... intense than many of the others here, but he has a good heart," Mikasa continued in a quiet voice. She looked at the struggling boy fondly. "He hates it when he feels like a failure, and he's got a bit of a temper so sometimes he takes it out on others. But he is a good person and he cares about people. Sometimes it's just hard to tell."

You looked at her quizzically. Mikasa rarely spoke, and when she did, she always had a purpose. Honestly, you respected the girl more than you'd ever be willing to admit.

"Why would he endanger you and Armin then? You're easily one of the best soldiers here. You could join the Military Police. Asking you to follow him into the Legion -"

"He never asked that of me," Mikasa interrupted gently. "I choose to follow him."

You'd never heard anything more shocking in your life. Over the course of the weeks you'd spent in the military, you learned that Mikasa was Eren's adoptive sister and a part of his family. You knew that Mikasa was loyal to him. You just never expected her to be willing to literally throw away a life of comfort and luxury to follow him into hell. Willingly.

Your words were almost impossible to hear. "Why would you do that?"

Mikasa did not hesitate in her reply. "Because I believe in him, and he believes that we can win. But in order to win, others need to believe, too."

With that, she strode away to see her brother, who had finally given up on his assessment and sat dejectedly on the ground. He looked almost like he could cry, if he wasn't so completely dazed by the numerous hits to his head.

~

You gasped as your feet lifted off the ground, hovering for a second before becoming uneasy in your balance. You drew your legs up a little, bending at the knee, and held you arms out to steady yourself.

The wires stopped jerking and you were suspended, perfectly still, in midair.

You grinned triumphantly, gracefully maintaining your posture in the strange contraption. Shadis walked over to you, appraising your form. "Nicely done, [Surname]," he said sternly, before continuing his rounds. "Maintain that posture for several more minutes and then you'll be let down."

You experimented a bit with your suspension, leaning forward and straightening your legs, moving forward slightly before swinging back. You pulled your knees up to your chest and leaned all the way backwards, gracefully completing a midair somersault, your harness clinking quietly, before coming to an upright halt and grinning.

"Hey! Awesome job, [Name]!" you heard a high voice call from your left side. You rotated in your harness to see Mina with a smile, eyebrows furrowed slightly in concentration as she struggled to keep upright in her own harness. Her smile struck familiar with you again, and you heard the familiar voice ring through your head, as it had so many times in the last year.

_Don't let this change you._

_Because you're more than just a thief._

_Promise me you'll see the stars._

All this time, you'd kept yourself in complete darkness. You deprived yourself of the light that Amelia had always offered you, the light of love and companionship. The light that so closely resembled that of the stars that shone in the sky at night.

You realized that you hadn't taken a moment to appreciate their beauty since the morning that you registered for the military.

You'd allowed your grief to change you. The warmth from her light had faded away, leaving your heart encased in hard ice.

Suddenly, the voice changed. A deeper, impassioned one took over, each word driving straight into your heart.

_I won't distance myself from everyone... I learned to take nothing and no one for granted, and let those I care about motivate me to become a better person._

_Jaeger, you idiot. What have you done?_

You felt some of that ice that surrounded heart for so long begin to melt, and you basked in the warmth of a fire burning as brightly within you as the phoenix emblazoned on your ring. 

You returned Mina's hopeful smile, and her face literally lit up.

"You're doing great, too," you said quietly.

You had never seen Mina look happier.

~

Later that evening, you were sitting with Mina in the mess hall. You were starting to become rather fond of the irritatingly cheerful, pigtailed girl. As you sat, chewing on your bread, she chattered animatedly with Sasha and Hannah, who were each laughing at something the smaller girl had said. Now that you were thinking about it, most of the people you had met so far... weren't that bad. Even Kirschtein had his good qualities. You thought that maybe, eventually, you could learn to care about them as... brothers- and sisters-in-arms... maybe, eventually, as friends.

You were pondering this when Eren, Mikasa, and Armin came in through the front door.

Eren looked awful. He had a bandage wrapped hastily around his head, slightly damp with blood. His eyes were glazed over, and Mikasa had to lead him by the arm over to their usual sitting place. He seemed to not notice or care about anything around him.

Deep in his usually bright turquoise eyes, though, you could make out the beginnings of panic.

If he didn't pass the balance test, he would be forced to return to the fields.

He would be heartbroken, you realized with surprise.

You didn't want to see his eyes colored with that emotion, you realized with even more surprise.

Heavily, you got up from your seat, pushing the rest of your dinner over to Sasha, who squealed happily and declared that you were her favorite recruit before digging in savagely. 

You made your way over to them, and sat down next to Armin, across from the green-eyed boy.

"Hey, idiot."

He blinked at you blankly for a moment, before his eyes fell back into focus and met your own with a look of confusion.

"What?"

"If you go out to the assessment site after dinner, I'll try to help you stay upright. I can't promise anything, but I'll try."

He recoiled sharply, almost knocking his tray off the table. Mikasa caught it quickly, pushing it back into place with a scolding frown at her brother.

"Why the hell would you do that? After today?"

You sighed. Truth be told, you weren't even sure why you wanted to help the suicidal bastard. If he passed the exam tomorrow, you may as well be condemning him to certain death at the hands of titans. But you looked quickly at Mikasa, and saw her calm eyes observing you curiously.

You sighed. "Quite frankly, there aren't enough soldiers like you. It'd be a shame to send you home. That's all."

He looked, if possible, even more confused.

_Did he hit his head too hard or is he actually as stupid as I thought?_

"What do you mean, soldiers like me?"

You became slightly frustrated, and tilted your chin up at him. "If you don't want my help, then -"

"No, no!" he said quickly, looking alarmed. "You looked like you had the hang of it today. I... I would like your help."

You nodded quickly, standing up again. "Okay. Meet me at the site then."

You turned to leave the mess hall, but were stopped once again. "Hey, wait!"

You looked at him over your shoulder, eyebrow raised.

"[Name]... thank you."

You nodded again and turned, walking quickly towards the exit.

You hoped fiercely that he didn't see your blush when he said your name for the first time.


	5. Fly

You had been impatiently tapping your foot at the assessment site for ten minutes before Eren, Mikasa and Armin finally showed up. You let out a sharp breath of relief - for reasons you couldn't fathom, you had really hoped that he wouldn't come out to see you alone. You weren't sure if you knew how to handle a situation like that.

You could hear Armin muttering quietly to his friend, "...so get along, okay? She's trying to help."

You snorted derisively, turning your head away to glance out over the lake. It glimmered like diamonds in the moonlight, you noted with interest. _Wish you could be here, Amelia._

Eren walked slowly towards you, stopping about five feet away. Mikasa and Armin stood a little further back, talking quietly with one another.

"Couldn't come without your handlers, huh?" You knew it was low of you, but you wanted to gauge his reaction.

He looked at you though his dark bangs with a stubborn, slightly irritated expression on his face. "I'm sorry about how I acted earlier. I know you were just trying to help," he droned.

You noted that his apology sounded rehearsed, and your eyes narrowed, before forming into a slight smirk. "It's understandable. To be fair, I _did_ laugh at you," you said sweetly, batting your lashes at the tall boy.

His expression softened and he chuckled. "Well, I'm sure it was quite the sight, me hanging upside down like that."

You couldn't help but be reminded of what he had said after he hit his head earlier.

_"So... pretty..."_

_Hey, focus! Don't let him get to you!_

"Okay," you said quickly, turning around to face the balance machine, all the blood in your body seemingly rushing to your face. "Let's get you hooked up."

After a few minutes of clinking and securing Eren's gear to the large contraption (in complete silence, to your relief), he was good to go, and Mikasa stood poised at the crank to raise him up from the ground.

You faced him and crossed your arms, surveying him quietly. "Okay, Eren. It's easier to stay balanced when you evenly distribute the weight of your body between all of your limbs. You can't try to hold yourself up with just your legs like you would if you were standing, because your center is in your waist."

"What the hell does that even mean?" Eren asked, alarmed.

"Just... try to use your arms and legs equally, okay?" you instructed slowly.

Eren still looked terrified, but seemed to understand.

You looked at Mikasa and she nodded, slowly twisting the crank. Eren's wires tightened and you saw him slowly start to lift off. You stepped forward, spotting him. "Now, hold your arms out to steady yourself. _Try not to jerk,_ Jaeger, you'll lose control!"

Eren whipped his arms outwards, causing his wires to spasm and his body to begin tipping forward. You threw your hands up to catch his shoulders before he hit the ground, squeaking when you just managed to hold up the brunt of his weight. He looked at you in shock, before realizing just how close he had gotten to your face and pulling away slightly.

You realized, even in the darkness, that his eyes even had hints of _blue_ in them.

You cleared your throat and straightened Eren up, talking in a calm and professional voice, trying to mask your unease. "You have to calm down, Jaeger. If you panic, you'll definitely fall."

He _has to calm down?_ You _need to calm down,_ you scolded yourself mentally.

"You _can_ call me Eren, you know. Everyone else does."

Your eyes widened and your face further heated up, but you chose to ignore his comment. You steadied him in his harness and looked at him seriously. "Just don't panic, okay? We're gonna try again."

You let go and took a step back, watching as Eren's entire body tensed and his brows knotted together in intense concentration.

"Good... good. Now use your arms to keep yourself balanced and... wait... _no!_ "

You managed to dart forward to catch him again, bumping your forehead hard against his in the process. You felt the pain bloom within your head and even saw stars. "Shit!" you yelped, letting go of Eren and clutching your forehead.

You forgot to take a step back.

Eren continued his fall forwards, his head landing squarely in the crook of your neck. You grunted in pain and threw your arms around his back, trying to keep him from falling any further.

"Um... [Name]..."

You looked down towards his voice and, realizing that he had a perfect view of down the front of your button-up shirt, straightened him up quickly in the harness, one hand on his side to keep him upright.

Eren's eyes were squeezed tightly shut and his nose was scrunched up.

Armin chuckled from a few feet away. Even Mikasa looked like she might be enjoying herself a little more than her normally stoic face let on.

_Ah, fuck. This is going to be a long night._

~

An hour and no success later, the four of you decided that is was probably best to finish up for the night. No matter what you tried or said, it seemed like Eren wasn't going to improve much. The boy was lowered to the ground with a sullen look on his face, and you felt your chest tighten.

You couldn't believe it, but you felt badly for the boy.

Armin and Mikasa stood around watching Eren as he began to unhook himself from the mechanism, and Mikasa started forward to assist him. His eyes shot up at her, alight with anger. "Just go. I can do this by myself."

Mikasa and Armin looked at each other uncertainly for a moment before reluctantly starting off towards the dorms, talking quietly. You lingered behind, watching Eren as he finally became free of the wires and began to loosen the uncomfortable straps of his 3DMG gear.

You wanted to say something, but really didn't know what. You doubted there were any words in the world that could make the boy feel better right now. His lifelong dream was so close, and he was about to lose it at step one. Goodbye, Scouting Legion.

As stupid as you thought he was, you couldn't help but admire his determination. His bravery, even.

"You don't have to wait either. Go."

You were shocked out of your thoughts by Eren's voice. He managed to sound calm, but you could hear the underlying pain. "I'll wait," you said quickly.

"Why?" he asked, unclipping the harness on his left hip, letting the clamp drop to the ground.

Why _did_ you want to stay? You weren't even sure yourself. You still didn't even really like this guy, you just...

"I wanted to talk you," you lied without thinking.

"What could you _possibly_ have to say to me?" he snapped, fumbling with his other clamp.

The words escaped you before you even had the chance to stop them from leaving your mouth. You should have felt embarrassed, but strangely enough, you didn't. "You have to pass tomorrow."

It was too dark to really see, but Eren looked angry. "What do you mean, 'I have to pass'?"

Oh, yeah. Definitely angry.

You took a deep breath, harnessing the rest of your courage. "There's... no one else here like you, Jaeger. No one anywhere. There's no one else who even comes close."

He scoffed and dropped his other clamps, stepping away from the mechanism with folded arms. He stood close enough for you to touch him, but you wouldn't dare. He stared you down. "Meaning that I'm the only one interested in joining the Scouting Legion. You're saying I need to stay so that you can continue to live your comfortable life?"

You narrowed your eyes at him, crossing your own arms. "Comfortable life, my ass. That's not what I'm saying and you know it. I meant that there's not a single soldier here with half the purpose that you have. If they even have a purpose at all."

"That includes you?"

The question surprised you. Your eyes fell, along with your arms. You turned away to face the lake once more, seeing the reflections of the stars on the still, glassy water. "No, I have a purpose of my own."

"And what would that be?" His voice was gentler as he stepped closer still.

You almost wanted to answer harshly and tell him to mind his own business, but ultimately decided against it. You weren't sure why, but you answered him. Truthfully. "To keep a promise."

His eyebrows quirked at you curiously, turquoise eyes lighting up with interest. "What promise?"

You turned away and started walking back towards the dorms. "I won't say."

His nose crinkled and he jogged up behind, but he didn't remark on your less-than-indulgent answer. "So someone made you promise to join the Military Police?"

 _Nice try, Jaeger._ You picked up your pace. "No."

Unfortunately for you, he managed to maintain your speed without much effort. "Then what?" he asked, coming up to walk beside you.

You shot him a look, slowing down a bit once you realized he wasn't going to let up. "I won't say," you repeated.

His face fell into a look of disapproval, and maybe disappointment. "Then why even bring it up?"

You looked at him apologetically. "I... this isn't about me. What I was trying to say is that if anyone has the will to make a difference, it's you. So you need to pass."

He laughed dryly. "Well, thanks. But I can't pass if I don't even have the skills necessary to stay upright." He stopped for a moment and turned around, his head falling into his hands. " _Fuck!_ "

You halted abruptly, looking back at the boy. You walked over to him, feeling... awkward. Your hands felt heavy, and you didn't know what to do to help Eren as he had a breakdown in front of you.

Then you heard it.

The tiniest, faintest of sniffles.

You put your hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently. "I know you can do it. Like I said, there's no one else here like you. You'll find a way."

He looked up at you with red eyes. "How do you reckon I'll do that?"

You smiled at him, letting your hand fall to your side. "Through sheer force of will. I know that if anyone can do it, it's you."

He nodded uncertainly, wiping his eyes cautiously. "Don't tell anyone that about this."

Not a demand. A plea. Just like you had asked him your first night in the military. You nodded. "I wouldn't dream of it." He smiled at you sheepishly.

You realized then that you and Eren were standing in between the men and women's dormitories.

"...[Name]?"

You looked at Eren curiously. "Yes?"

"Why _do_ you want to join the Military Police?"

You looked at the ground, wringing your hands together nervously. You didn't want to approach this topic. It was getting a little too... close to home. "The Scouting Legion aren't the only ones who can help people."

He seemed to consider this quietly for a moment. "So you want to join the Military Police to... help people?"

Your voice gained confidence and you stopped playing with your hands. You remembered that night, and all the years before it, suffering because of the negligence of the Police. "Yes. They're corrupt. They need to change, and I've made it my mission to do so."

Confusion colored his darkened features. "But you're from Jinae, right? How do you know anything about the Military Police? They don't usually leave the Capital."

You remembered the _bang_ and Amelia's single, quiet grunt before hitting the ground. You remembered the splash of crimson and the mirror falling to the ground. You could feel the shard of glass cutting into your cheek. You absentmindedly lifted a hand to your scar, running a finger along the raised, bone-white skin. "...they came to my district once on business. They shot a killed a thief, a little girl just trying to get by."

Eren was silent for several seconds. When he finally spoke, his voice was weaker than you'd ever heard it. "...that's horrible."

Your voice was devoid of all emotion when you answered. "Yeah."

"Did you know the girl?" he asked quietly.

"No," you blurted, cursing yourself for sounding harsher than you intended.

Eren looked at you with concern, reaching a hand forward and touching your arm lightly. "[Name]-"

You pulled back as if he had burned you, speaking quickly and with finality. "No, I didn't know her."

He looked hurt, but didn't say anything more on the matter. "Okay."

You cursed yourself for your immediate reaction. _Still pushing people away, [Name]?_

_Amelia didn't want that._

"Why do _you_ still want to join the Scouting Legion? After Shiganshina?"

His pained expression transformed into one of rage, and a green fire burned behind his eyes. "The titans took everything from me. I won't stop until I kill them all."

You thought for a moment. "Do you really think you can do that?"

He took a step closer to you, eyes still flaming. "I don't care if I _can_. I'm going to try. I'm going to put my heart and soul into eliminating them, one-by-one, and I won't let anything stop or distract me. Do you really think you can change the Military Police?"

Your expression matched his own and you stepped closer, now standing practically nose-to-nose with the green-eyed soldier. "I won't stop until I do."

He nodded slowly. "Okay."

You returned his gesture. "Okay."

You stared at each other in the dark for a moment.

His gaze fell. "Do you really think I'll be able to pass tomorrow?"

You looked at him fiercely. "I believe that more than anything."

He grinned at you. You weren't sure if you'd ever seen that expression on him before. Especially not directed at you.

You liked it.

"...Thank you, [Name]," he spoke quietly, eyes meeting yours.

You froze, shocked by his gentleness. "I... you're welcome... Eren."

You rapidly turned to walk towards your dorm, a small smile creeping its way to your face.

"You said my name."

You stirred up a little dirt as you looked over your shoulder at him. "I did," you agreed flatly.

There it was again. That smile. "You're really not as cold as everyone thinks you are, huh?"

You glared at him, crossing your arms. "Shut up, asshole. Don't let it go to your big, stupid head."

"Alright," he laughed. "Goodnight."

Your sneer evaporated and you chuckled softly with him. "Goodnight."

~

Eren smiled to himself as you walked off towards your own dormitory.

_She said my name..._

His eyes widened and he shook his head, wiping the back of his hand across his eyes, desperately trying to rub out the image of you smiling from his troubled mind.

_Focus, Eren. Now is not the time for that._

You were an anomaly, that's for sure. He'd never really met anyone quite like you, just like you had said about him. You were set to join the damned _Military Police_ , just like Kirschtein, but... Eren felt like you weren't there for similarly selfish reasons. His thoughts wandered to the strange, long scar that marred your cheek.

You weren't like the other people who grew up in Wall Rose. Marco was from Jinae, too, but he couldn't have been any more different. He was so warm and kind, so open to everyone and you... well, you were not.

He'd never met anyone more guarded, and that included even Mikasa. You weren't as quiet as Annie, but... you exuded this unapproachable aura. Almost like you were wearing a sign around your neck that read, "Do Not Touch".

It made Eren all the more determined to get close to you. To get to know you. To see that smile light up your beautiful features again and again.

_Beautiful? When did I start thinking that?_

He mentally slapped himself for thinking such a thing as he quietly slipped into the men's dormitory, shutting the heavy door behind him with a soft _click_. He knew he should shower, but he was too tired. He'd just shower in the morning. Instead, he dressed down into his boxers and crawled up into his bunk.

"Eren?" He heard a voice from the bed below.

"Yeah, Armin?"

The soft voice spoke up through the board of the bed. "What are you going to do about tomorrow?"

Eren paused for a moment, thinking back to the look on your face when you told you that you believed he could do it. That you believed in him.

_She believes in me._

"I'm going to pass," Eren answered resolutely. "I need to."

~

The next day began without much deviation from the usual. Mina woke you up at dawn and you showered and changed into your uniform. You gently woke up Annie, as had become a routine for the two of you, who grumbled at you but reluctantly got out of bed, before you went outside and commenced your own, personal stretching routine. This morning, unlike usual, Mikasa joined you. You didn't mind the company, and she didn't say a word. When you both finished, she got up and silently made her way to the assessment site for the final balance test. You followed behind her in equal quiet, getting in line at one of the balance machines.

You passed your test without a hitch. You were even praised by Shadis again, which was a pleasant surprise. It wasn't often that one of the Cadets got praised by your ill-tempered instructor. Regardless, each of you respected the man. You feared him, too, yes; but the past few weeks had caused each of you to harbor a strange affection for the strict man. Reiner once even jokingly referred to him as 'Papa Shadis', drawing a laugh from the other recruits. Even you had to smile at the blonde brute's nickname.

You quickly unhooked yourself and touched down lightly on the ground, making your way over to the mechanisms on the far edge of the field just in time to see Eren's own assessment begin.

Slowly, you watched Eren's feet lift off the ground. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed in concentration. He caught your eyes.

You smiled at him confidently, mouthing the words, 'You can do it'.

He nodded and straightened up a bit in his harness, reaching the top of the lift. He lifted the arms at his sides, leaning forward a bit, distributing his weight.

He didn't falter, and he didn't fall.

You could have cheered, but decided against it. Instead, your smile widened.

That's when you noticed something was wrong. Eren was wobbling uncontrollably in his harness, despite his steady movements. You could tell he was trying desperately to hold on and not panic. Just like you told him.

Something clicked on his belt and he fell forward, smashing his head on the ground with a sickening _crack_.

He pulled himself up onto his elbows and stared at the ground, absolutely heartbroken.

You were right about what you had said the night before. You _didn't_ like seeing his green eyes flood with heartbreak.

"No," he whimpered as Shadis approached him slowly. "No, not yet! I'm not ready! I was just getting started..."

Shadis looked at him sullenly before lifting his gaze up to the blonde boy controlling Eren's crank. "Wagner," he said. "Give your belt to Jaeger."

Surprised, the boy, Wagner, snapped into a sharp salute. "Yes, sir!"

Eren stood tentatively on his feet while Wagner removed his gear, handing it to the taller boy once he finished. You noted the look of confusion on both boy's faces. Soon enough, Eren was hooked up to the machine again, decked out in the new belt.

Slowly, Wagner cranked the machine. Eren's feet left the ground.

And he floated in the air steadily, never once disturbing his perfect, even balance.

"You had faulty gear," explained Shadis. "Your clasp was warped and useless. I've never seen this part break before," he said thoughtfully. "It's a wonder you were able to stay in the air at all with this belt."

You heard the rustle of shocked and awed whispers around you as the other cadets marveled at the boy on the machine.

"So he managed to do it even with broken gear..."

"How did he _do_ that?"

_Through the sheer force of his will..._

He looked at you from his spot in the harness, and a triumphant grin lit up his features. 'Thank you,' he mouthed.

You nodded, feeling happier than you had in a year.

~

You shot your anchor into the next tree and felt the pull of your wires yank you in that direction, pressure on your upper and middle back from the leather straps tightening painfully around your entire body. Even with the pain and discomfort, you can't remember ever feeling so light, so... _free_.

_Holy mother of Sina, am I glad I left the Undercity!_

"Woohoo!"

You turned in your harness towards the voice, shooting your next anchor, as a blur shot past you, whooping cheerfully. You barely managed to catch a sight of bright green eyes and chocolate brown hair.

You grinned mischievously, picking up the pace and catching up to the blur.

"Eren! Don't start thinking you can beat me just because you balanced with broken gear!"

You howled in excitement as you shot your wires above his head, soaring over him with ease.

"Not so fast, [Name]! Aha!"

The two of you raced each other, screaming taunts back and forth, laughing raucously.

He glanced quickly at you, grinning widely. "Thank you!" he yelled.

You smirked. "For what? I didn't do anything! You had bad gear."

"No, really," he called over the wind. "I was ready to give up, but you convinced me to keep trying."

You scoffed. "You'd have kept trying anyway!"

"Maybe!" he conceded with a grin, pulling forward. You rushed to keep up. "But it would have sucked a whole lot more without you."

You shot him a grin, landing your next anchor in a large tree a ways ahead. "Well, then, let's just say that you owe me!"

That wiped the smile right off his face. "No way! That's not what I meant!"

"You said it yourself, it would have sucked without me! However will you pay me back?"

He scowled, but the expression was only half-hearted. "Fine! I owe you!"

You laughed, zipping quickly in front of him. He recoiled in alarm as you dipped in front of him. "That's what I thought, idiot!"

"I'm not an idiot!" he yelled, following after you.

You smiled back at him. "Yes, you are!"

You were too busy grinning at him to notice the oncoming tree until you hit it.

_Shit._

You thought you heard someone call your name before darkness swallowed you.


	6. ABCs

You faintly remembered thinking that, _wow_ , your head hurt like _hell_.

So went the many pre-waking thoughts that floated through your mind as your lay on the scratchy, uncomfortable surface. Many of them contained cuss words and pertained to your persistent, intense discomfort, but they were there nonetheless.

Among these intermittent thoughts, you dreamed.

The dream wasn't new, in any sense of the word. In fact, this dream was a recurring nightmare that you'd been having frequently ever since you left the Undercity that day over a year ago. In the three months you'd been in the Scouting Legion, though, its frequency seemed to be dwindling. Occasionally, you would be woken up by Mina's frantic shaking and hushed reassurances (which you would never admit, but you were grateful for), but compared to the year you spent in the fields, the nightmare came rarely. Maybe you just slept more soundly because of how blatantly overworked the recruits were during the day, but you doubted it. You thought that the dream had faded for a much simpler reason.

You were happier. You had found your purpose.

But right now, that dream was back.

It started like it always does. You were running through the Undercity, wood and glass cutting into your bare feet, sweat streaming down your face like a hot rain. Your chest heaved in strain and your throat burned, but you wouldn't stop moving. You couldn't.

The alley you were in didn't end. It never did. You just ran and ran, panting painfully, dodging the heaps of old plywood, broken bottles, and other garbage that threatened to trip or maim you with every step. Dirty sewer water dripped onto you from high above in the empty black. Despite the fact that the passageway seemed to stretch on into a dank, dark eternity, you pushed forward.

Because what else _could_ you do?

You left a trail of bloody footprints in your wake. That was when you heard it, as you always did.

"[Name]?"

Your blood froze in your veins and you skidded to an immediate halt, debris shredding the bottoms of your feet. You felt agony shoot up your legs, and grunted in excruciating pain.

"[Name]? Where are you?"

You began to run again, ignoring your body telling you to _stop, please, stop_ , and managed to put on an inhuman burst of speed, flying through the alleyway like a crazed bird.

"Please! It's dark!"

You finally saw the hovel at the end of the alleyway. You weren't sure when it appeared; each time, the building materialized out of nothing, and before you had time to react, you were slamming into the door, throwing your hands up to cushion your impact.

You heard a whimper from behind the heavy, waterlogged wood.

"...help...me..."

You threw the door open savagely, stepping through and facing the dirty, empty room. A single wooden door stood at the other side of the room. You ran forward and nearly destroyed it with your force.

Another empty room. Another door. You passed through in a manic frenzy.

"...[Name]..."

Another room.

"No..." you cried.

Another room.

"Amelia!"

Another.

"Amelia, I'm here!"

Another.

Another.

Another.

"Amelia, _NO!!!_!"

"[Name]! It's alright, it's alright, you're safe... I'm here..."

You looked around the empty room wildly, searching for the source of the different voice. _Who...?_

"[Name], it's alright... just breathe... it'll be alright..."

Your eyes flew open.

The first thing you registered was the blinding white light, and the strange weight enveloping your head. Something warm was on your cheek, another gripped your hand tightly. You realized your face was wet, and then... you realized that your entire body was in intense, agonizing pain.

You cried out, bending in on yourself and moving to cover your eyes. Before you could go very far, someone moved their hand from your face and grasped your shoulder, gently pushing you back down. "Relax... you don't want to strain your body more than you need to... please, relax. It's alright."

You did as the voice said, closing your eyes and drawing a few long, deep breaths. Finally, after your heart rate had slowed to something that resembled normal, you opened your eyes and tried to focus on the figure in front of you.

Turquoise.

"[Name], how are you feeling?" Eren asked, clear concern lacing his tone.

You stared at him, confused. What did he mean? You tried to think back to your most recent memories...

_Oh, yeah. The tree. Damn it, that's embarrassing._

You rolled over onto your side, shooting him a glare.

Eren's face paled. "[Name], I'm sorry... I... I know it's partly my fault -"

"Partly?" you yelled, turning to face him again, before wincing and gripping your side. _Well, shit. That doesn't feel good._

Eren's hands flew to your sides in a panic. "Please, calm down! You have bruised ribs. You don't want to move around too much. It'll hurt for a few days."

You scowled, slapping his hands away, in turn causing yourself more pain. "Thanks to you," you spat at the brunette.

Eren's expression darkened and his eyes lit up with that familiar green fire. "Hey, you know, I wasn't the _only_ one racing in the woods!"

"[Name]!"

You were both interrupted by a shrill yell and a pair of pigtails storming into the room like a tiny, cheerful hurricane. You sighed. "Mina. Hi."

"Oh, [Name], I'm so glad you're awake! We were all really worried!" She came to your bedside in a hurry, practically shoving Eren aside.

You smiled gently at her. "Thank you."

Eren rolled his eyes.

You glared in return.

"And here I thought we were getting along _so well..._ "

You snorted and folded your arms across your chest - _no, that hurts, gonna put those down again..._ "That was before you distracted me when I was practicing 3DMG maneuvers and caused me to get into an accident."

Eren gaped. " _Distracted_ you? _Caused an accident?_ What, are you delusional?"

Mina, caught in the middle of a very intense staring contest, decided that then would be a good time to gracefully take her leave. "I... well, I'm going to go tell the others you're awake, [Name]. They'll like to know. I'm happy you're alright!" she squeaked.

You two barely even noticed the door click shut quietly behind her.

"I didn't mean to _'distract you'_ ," Eren gritted out reluctantly. "I just wanted to have some fun. I'm... _sorry_."

You lifted your nose at him. You were going to make another snippy remark, but... if he was trying to be nice, you _guess_ you could try too. Not that you liked it. "It's alright," you replied airily. "I forgive you... and I guess I'm at fault too," you admitted, equally reluctantly.

You both sat in an awkward silence for a few moments, you in your bed, he in a chair situated besides it.

"Who's Amelia?"

You blanched.

"I've never heard the name before," you answered quickly, cursing yourself for your immediate reaction to the name.

"Then why were you saying her name in your sleep?" Eren questioned with a slightly irritated look on his face.

"She was just someone I knew from my childhood. That's all." You inwardly praised yourself for sounding nonchalant.

Eren didn't fall for it. His face fell into an expression of worry. "You know, I get nightmares."

You avoided his gaze, feeling more vulnerable than you had in all the years you'd spent growing up in the underground district, without proper clothing, exposed to the elements and the evil people therein. You didn't want to go _there_ , but you could tell by the tone of his voice that there was no stopping him.

"I've had them ever since I was ten. Ever since Shiganshina," you looked up at him through still-damp eyelashes, willing your pained expression off your face. You failed. "My mother died. She was taken right in front of me. I watched her..." Eren cleared his throat. "They've gotten better as time went on, but sometimes, when I close my eyes, I still see it... I see her getting eaten, bitten in two. All over again."

You looked at him worriedly. "Eren, you don't have to -"

He interrupted you gently. "No, please. Hear me out."

You paused for a second, but nodded your consent. "Okay."

He looked away for a minute, but gathered his courage and continued. "The dreams, they're horrible. They take away every scrap of hope I have in me. The only comfort I've ever found in them is having somebody to listen to me once I've woken up. At first, it was just Mikasa. She would come and sit with me and talk, or just listen, until we both fell back asleep. Sometimes now, Armin will too. I'm grateful to them for it."

You didn't know how to respond. You were really just shocked he was telling you any of this to begin with.

"What I'm trying to say is, if you need someone to listen, I'll always be around," he finished in a rush. "Or... you could ask Mina, or someone else, if you want. It was just a suggestion. The tips of his ears were tinged pink in embarrassment.

You were at a loss for a word. "Thank you, Eren. Really."

"Yeah, well, it's no big deal," he said quickly. "But, for the record, I... I'm glad you're okay. You know." Eren's face turned a shade of red that you would have teased him about under any other circumstances.

Fortunately for him, you weren't really in the mood. Instead you gave a wan smile to the blushing boy.

"I am, too. And thank you."

~

A day later, you were allowed to leave the infirmary. You had been visited by a few of the girls, Mina, Sasha, and Christa (with a reluctant Ymir) mostly. Occasionally, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin would stop by and talk for a little bit. But all in all, you hadn't had too many visitors. You weren't shocked by this - the only people you had gotten to know at all were the girls in your dorm and Eren. You were well aware of your handicap when it came to forming friendships.

Sometimes you regretted it. Now was one of those times.

You were told from Shadis that you had one more day exempt from training (not without having a few 'stupid's and 'immature's thrown your way first, obviously), and you gladly made your way back to your bed. Your chest and ribs hurt, but it was manageable.

The weather today was nice and cool, being early fall now. The months of training during the summer were brutal, so you were pleased to finally have a bit of a reprieve from the battering sun and heat.

Until next summer, that is.

You breathed in heavily, appreciating the scent of the nature around you. It was such a nice change from the stench of death and garbage that you had grown up with, pungent and stagnant, inescapable. You thought you might never get tired of this smell, though. The smell of life.

You finally arrived at your dorm, quickly entering and visiting your bunk. You noticed with surprise that your old uniform had been cleaned and folded neatly on your pillow case. You smiled. Mina really was very thoughtful sometimes.

You grabbed the clothes and ran to the washroom for a shower. It had been at least two days since your last one, so you knew you were overdue. Throwing your bag on the counter, you gingerly removed your civilian clothes from your worn, tired body. You stopped when you noticed what lay beneath.

Dark purple, yellowing bruises speckled your ribs and chest until they disappeared down into your pant line, but that wasn't what drew your attention.

You were considerably stronger. You could see the distinct outline of muscles in your stomach, your arms, even your legs. You had always been slender, but now you looked _powerful_. Your face was fuller. There were ladders of criss-crossing marks across your chest and sides. They were the bruises from the 3DMG older cadets and soldiers spoke of.

You weren't quite sure why the marks affected you so deeply. You knew that all soldiers got them from the extensive 3DMG usage, but... somehow, this made your reality seem more... _real_. You had only been practicing with the 3DMG for a few days before the accident, and already, they were becoming a part of your body, even when naked. It began to sink in that you really had joined the military.

You'd really gone from a thief, to a soldier.

_You're more than just a thief._

With a small, sad smile, you finished undressing and got into the shower, washing away the remnants of dirt, grime, and unhappy thoughts.

~

It was finally here. The day you had been dreading for, well... since you decided to join the military.

The first day of 'theoretical training'.

Now, you knew that sitting in a classroom could hardly be as taxing as the daily training (more commonly known as _torture_ ) you had endured. Many of the recruits seemed to feel this way and looked forward to when theoretical training in the classroom would start to take up your mornings rather than the endless laps Shadis forced upon you.

Maybe you would have felt this way, too, in another life. Unfortunately for you, in this life, there was one, teensy, tiny, _little_ problem.

You had never learned to read. At all.

This was a fact that shamed you to no end, but you had been able to get away with it so far in your training. You knew now, though, that you would have to learn - and _fast_ \- if you wanted to be sure that no one found out about your past. About your origins.

You _had_ to find a way. There was no other option.

And so, there you sat, on a cramped bench between Mina and Marco, trying desperately to instill a meaning in the mostly meaningless scribbles on the chalkboard before you.

You were so frustrated you could cry.

You tried desperately to listen to Shadis and make it look like you were taking real notes, like everyone else. What you were doing instead was feverishly attempting to scribble down whatever he happened to write on the board, so caught up in your fruitless task that you didn't even notice what was being said. Occasionally you would grunt in frustration, and Marco would look at you with a concerned expression.

Once Shadis finally dismissed you and instructed you to return your papers to your dorms before running laps for not paying enough attention, you looked down at the markings on your piece of paper.

 _Yeah, looks convincing enough,_ you thought, smiling triumphantly as all the other cadets exited the classroom.

All but one.

"You can't read, can you?"

You looked up in shock at the freckled boy, grin erased completely from your face. "Yes, I can!"

He smiled good-naturedly at you, and an apologetic expression clouded his kind features. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound so rude, but... you aren't from Jinae, are you? It's a pretty sparse district, and I'd never even seen you before we joined the Corps."

You stared, slack-jawed, at the boy in front of you.

This is it. Game over. Time's up.

You scowled, trying to mask your panic. "Fine. I guess you'll tell Shadis I lied, then?"

Marco looked absolutely horrified at the idea. "Goddesses, no! I was just - I noticed that you were having a hard time with taking the notes, that's all. It looked like you didn't know what they meant."

You looked down at the mess you had made on the paper. You were grateful that the rest of your classmates left and weren't present to hear your conversation with Marco. You sighed in defeat. "You're right... I don't know how to read."

Marco looked at the paper thoughtfully for a moment. "Where are you actually from?"

Your eyes fell to your feet and your shoulders slumped. "I... grew up underneath Wall Sina. In the underground district."

Marco's eyes widened, and you noticed the flecks of amber in the deep brown. "It's true, then? People actually live there?"

You grunted. "Yeah. And it's hell. But... please don't tell anyone. They'd throw me out. Or in jail," you pleaded, an edge of desperation to your voice that would have mortified you if your situation wasn't so dire.

Marco shook his head. "I wouldn't. I won't. But why would they arrest you?"

You looked up at him in surprise, relieved, but answered solemnly. "The orphans in the Undercity have to steal to survive. Until I joined the military, I was one of them. I'm technically a criminal."

Marco looked shocked to hear this. "That's awful! They don't have any support system for the children?"

Well. _That_ wasn't what you expected to hear from the young man when you told him of your track record. "Yeah. I only took what we needed to live, but... they still caught on eventually. Fifteen years of stealing will do that."

Marco looked confused. "'We'?"

You didn't want to discuss this, but you'd already spilled that much. Might as well put the nail in your proverbial coffin. "My little sister and I. We grew up there together."

"I see," he said seriously. He looked to you. "Where is she now?" he asked gently.

Your expression melted into one of sadness. "She died just over a year ago."

Marco fell silent for a second. "[Name], I'm sorry."

You both sat in the quiet, thinking.

"I'll teach you how to read."

You didn't think you heard him right. You were grateful enough that he claimed he wouldn't turn you in, but this...

_Why would he just do something like that for you without even knowing you?_

You voiced this question to him, and he laughed lightly.

"Because I think that you coming this far after having lived such a difficult life is admirable. Talk about a phoenix rising from the ashes," he chuckled, giving you a warm look.

You cocked your eyebrow. "What?"

Marco flushed a little. "Oh, sorry, it's just something I read in a book once. It's a bird who, when it dies, goes out in a burst of flame. Then it rises again from the ashes of its previously life to start again. It's a symbol of rebirth... of new beginnings."

Your eyes lit up and you dug the ring out of your pocket. "Like this?"

Marco looked stunned, but nodded, appreciating the small piece of jewelry. "Yes. Exactly like that. Where did you _get_ that?"

You shrugged, admiring the small, golden trinket. "I have no idea. I think it must have been my mother's."

He smiled. "[Name], I want to help, if I can. Please."

You looked at him hopefully, not caring to sensor the look on your face. "You would... really? You mean it?"

His expression didn't change. "I meant it. I'll teach you how to read."

Your hands fell to your sides, limp relief, and you would swear up and down later that you definitely _didn't_ want to cry on that bench.

But you totally _did_.

"Marco... thank you."

Maybe making some friends wouldn't be as hard or as bad as you thought.


	7. I Think You're Okay

"Wait, this squiggly... it _is_ an 'n', right? I keep getting it mixed up."

"'M's have two bumps. You're right, that's an 'n'."

"Oh. Okay."

You scribbled down the next letter furiously, tongue peeking out from between your teeth in concentration. You leaned back once you finished and observed your work, laying your pen down on the wood beside it. "There. 'Titan'."

Marco grinned at you happily. "Excellent! I didn't even need to correct you this time! You're really getting the hang of it."

You smiled back shyly. "I am. Thank you again, Marco."

You and Marco had been practicing your reading together for several months now. It was difficult at first, trying to meet without looking suspicious.  After the first month, however, the two of you had worked out a system of meeting in the classroom early, before all the other cadets arrived for morning classes.

You got together for your lessons only two or three times a week, but all the same, getting up a few hours earlier than the others took its toll on you and the freckled soldier. Especially in sparring, when you would be mercilessly pummeled by one of the other cadets. You could tell that Marco suffered, too, but he would never say anything about it. It made you feel even worse about being the cause of his lack of sleep when you noticed him one day being bested by Armin, who was easily one of the worst in sparring. Distracting him from his goal of serving the king wasn't the best way of showing your gratitude.

You were grateful to him for more than just the lessons, though. Being friends with Marco was the best thing that could have happened to help your relationship with the other members of the 104th trainee corps. You could hardly consider them 'friends' yet, but they at least started to interact with you more, which made you very happy. As the Old Man used to say in the Undercity, you had dug your grave and needed to lie in it, but you were glad that the trainees were more forgiving concerning your initial cold treatment of them all. Marco's warmth and kindness to you seemed to not go unnoticed by the others, and day by day, you found yourself building relationships with each of them, even the blunt and horse-faced ass named Jean Kirschtein, who, you had learned, seemed to have a thing going on with your tutor that you found a little... adorable, for lack of a better word. You'd never say anything about it, though. Marco was keeping your secret, so you would faithfully keep his.

You had begun to seriously reconsider keeping your distance over the last few months of winter. You'd never have admitted it to him (or ever yourself), but you knew that Eren's words about not taking what you had for granted that first night in the military really resonated with you. Maybe it was entirely his speech, or maybe it was the fact that you had begun to grow rather fond of the others, or maybe it was Mina's steady, relentless encroaching upon your personal life. Maybe it was just Marco's steady, unwavering kindness.

Honestly... you didn't know what it was. All you knew was that you didn't want to spend whatever time you had left on this miserable world living a life to match. Even with monsters straight out of the depths of hell knocking on your doorstep and the scum of the universe festering beneath your feet, happiness _was_ possible. And you intended to find it.

First, though, you needed to learn to read.

"Okay, next word... 'Maria'," Marco dictated with a soft smile.

You nodded, picked up your pen, and turned back to your rapidly filling notebook page.

"'M'... 'a'..."

The next half an hour was spent attempting to rewrite yesterday's notes, read aloud by Marco. As it turns out, you were incredibly apt to learning once you knew what to do. Marco said you might even have an intelligence to match Armin's, but you thought he was just saying it to make you feel better. You couldn't help but remind yourself that, even if you did have the same level of intelligence as the blonde boy, he still had 15 years of learning under his belt, while you had a mere few months. Your intelligence would be doing no one any good.

Still, though, you learned to read rather quickly. Unfortunately, seeing as you could only get in a handful of hours a week, it took several weeks for you to learn the basics, a few months to be able to read. Once you could read fluently, Marco had begun to teach you to write. This was more of a challenge for you because you had never written before, but slowly you were picking it up. You noted, with pride, that your writing did not look much worse than even Marco's.

Nonetheless, you were glad that springtime was well underway and more training would be taking place outside rather than indoors once the heat returned. As much as you had improved since your private lessons, reading and writing was still taxing for you.

_Click. Click. Click._

You looked up with a start, hurrying to close your notebook with your thoughts interrupted when you heard the faint echo of footsteps approaching the classroom. Marco looked equally alarmed, stuffing his books into his knapsack with feverish panic.

You had been caught arriving early a few times by other cadets, but each time, it never failed to make you nervous. You didn't want to be caught so many times that any of them began to suspect anything, but until then, no one had seemed to noticed anything awry. Mostly they just chalked it up to you and Marco being early birds. You were more than happy to let them think so, but it didn't stop your heart from racing at the sound of the approaching person.

Your face paled when you saw who it was.

Bright green eyes narrowed at you suspiciously, stopping in the doorway. You looked at him sheepishly, trying to appear as absolutely innocent as possible, halting in your quick job of hiding your notebook. It half-hung out of your bag, more than a little conspicuous, and Marco marched quickly to the back of the room, dropping a pen and several papers along the way.

_Great. This isn't awkward at all._

You smiled calmly, trying to ease the tension in the silent room.

Unfortunately for you, this seemed to have a different effect upon Eren. He snorted, throwing his own bag over his shoulder, and made his way to the bench at the front of the room that he usually shared with Armin and Mikasa. He took out his notes and began to read silently, his eyebrows furrowed dangerously and his cheeks burning a dark red color.

You and Eren hadn't really spoken since the 3DMG incident too much. It wasn't something that you thought either of you had done on purpose, but you were busy with your lessons and Eren was busy planning to eradicate every titan and you just assumed that being as busy as you both were had caused you to stop talking.

Busy. Right.

Eren seemed to react more coldly to you now, you thought resignedly. You weren't quite sure why. You thought the two of you had ended on a pretty good note after the accident, considering your history with the boy. Still, that was months ago, and now his eyes hardened and his body tensed whenever he so much as looked in your direction. Any attempts at conversation were met with complete silence and dismissal. You noted grimly that he seemed to be on better terms with Jean than with you, despite the boys' unending rivalry. You hated to admit that you didn't like that small fact. At all.

You quietly observed the boy, annoyance lacing your emotions. You didn't notice that his eyes never strayed from a single spot on the center of the page as he pretended read. The three of your sat in silence until the rest of the trainees arrived.

~

The lesson passed without further incident. You even managed to write down most of the lecture (with a few mixed up letters, of course) without much trouble. Marco patted you on the back reassuringly once Shadis dismissed you all, and you began to pack up your things.

Your instructor's deep voice hollered out from behind the desk, "Return your books and commence stretches out on the field. We'll be sparring today."

There was a collective, quiet groan amongst the departing trainees. Shadis glowered from his perch at the head of the room, before grunting and exiting through the sliding doorway with the rest of the milling students. This unanimous disapproval was present whenever you practiced anything that didn't involve 3DMG, so Shadis had given up on scolding you all for your 'laziness'. You thought he just learned that the whining was an unavoidable factor in dealing with a bunch of teenagers.

You quickly jogged your books to your dorm, chatting with Marco and Jean along the way, and then arrived at the field with the rest of the girls you live with, completely outfitted with your uniform and gear. You barely noticed the weight of the straps on your body anymore, and the laddered bruises were as much a part of you as your skin.

Shadis promptly had you each lined up, and began calling out names to designate who would be sparring with who today.

"Braun and Springer... Ackerman and Arlert... Lenz and Fubar... Braus and Bodt... Tius and Diamant... Kirschtein and Zermusky... Jaeger and [Surname]... Carolina and Leonhardt... Kefka and Ymir..."

You groaned. You noticed a certain boy echoing the reaction from several places down the line. As Shadis finished calling off the names, the line broke apart and cadets met up with their partners. Eren strode over to you, glowering.

You glared back, insulted by his reaction. "Jaeger. You're looking rather chipper today," you quipped shortly.

He grunted, unamused, his eyes made of steel.  "Let's just get this over with."

He shot forward before you had time to register and you caught his biceps before he made impact, the two of you immediately locking into a tense brawl. You grunted in pain at his tight grip on your skin, knowing that you needed to find a way out of this lock and quickly, or Eren would surely overpower you. Your knees slowly began to buckle as he pushed, your arms shaking slightly at the pressure.

_Well, shit._

"Come on, tired from your little early morning meeting today?" Eren snarled, squeezing your arm harshly.

You yelped and managed to spin out, twisting his wrists uncomfortably as you extracted yourself from his hold on you. "Shut up, Jaeger," you growled, arms raising in front of your face defensively.

"I thought we had moved past using surnames?" His tone did not match his teasing words. Instead, he sounded harsh and mocking. He swung his fist out at you clumsily, and you avoided it with ease, leaning back and landing a swift hit to his abdomen. He grunted in pain.

"I thought so, too," you shot back, jumping out of the way of a low kick. "Apparently not."

"A shame, that," he said brusquely, following you as you backed up, fists clenched angrily.

You felt your anger at his attitude and the last few months of being rejected by him boiling over viciously, and fiercely swung your arm out at him like a club, yelling, "Just shut up and fight!"

You realized your careless mistake when he easily caught you mid-swing and twisted your arm around so you were forced to rotate and have your back to him to avoid your arm being ripped out of its socket. He grabbed your waist and pulled you flush against his chest, wrapping an arm around your neck, and growled in your ear.

"Gladly... _[Surname]_."

You shivered at his breath on your ear and the feeling of his warmth on your back. You could feel his heart hammering between your shoulder blades. Gripping his thick bicep, you tried desperately to escape him yet again. He refused to relent, and you howled in frustration.

"What's the matter?" he growled. You dug your short, blunted fingernails into his arms, but he didn't notice. "This is about the only skill you may ever need in the Military Police, and you can't even get out of this hold? Pathetic. Looks like you won't be able to keep that promise you mentioned before after all."

His words burned in your mind, and you began to panic, shocked by his cruelty.

_What's wrong with him?_

You bit down on his skin in your desperation and he yelped, rattling you violently. When he didn't succeed at shaking you off, he popped your knees outward with his own, throwing you brutally to the ground as he sauntered away, glancing at his arm. A thin line of blood trickled down from the u-shaped mark of your teeth, and you could taste iron on your tongue. He turned to look at you sitting in a cloud of dust on the ground, rubbing your throat. You glowered at him savagely as you struggled to your feet, moaning in slight pain at the strain on your back as your straightened up.

"Oh, I'm _sorry_! I'm not good at holding back," Eren taunted, striding back towards you and resuming his defensive pose.

"I  wouldn't want you to," you replied, spitting his blood out of your mouth with as much force as you could muster. He raised an eyebrow at your violent display. You could still feel the effects from his last attack, but refused to show it to him. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

His smile was feral. "Of course you wouldn't. But you'd still rather spar with _Marco_ , though, am I right?"

You balked at his words. "Don't be stupid, Jaeger!" You darted towards him, ducking under his swing to reach behind him, catching his arm in both of your hands and throwing him forcefully to the ground. You could almost hear the creak of his stressed joints as he landed harshly onto his back.

"Ouch, shit!" he swore, reaching up and trying to grab your hands. You swung your leg over his torso and put all of your weight on him, effectively pinning him to the ground beneath you.

You leaned forward so that you were almost nose-to-nose with the angry brunette. "I'm not good at holding back either," you gritted, pressing hard onto his arms, forcing them into the pebbled ground.

"Then don't!" he grunted painfully, powering out of your hold and grabbing your shoulders, throwing you onto the dirt behind him. He leapt up nimbly, spinning around and throwing a punch, which you narrowly dodged, arms raised protectively in front of your face.

"Come on!" he barked. "I would hate for your early mornings to affect your admission into the Military Police with other fucking _cowards_ like you!"

Something inside of you snapped, and you hurtled towards him with a yell.

Your fist connected with his face, but you were also met promptly with a swift kick to the ankles and a hit to the face. You regained your balance, clutching your throbbing eye, and backed away a bit from the fight to assess the damage. Nothing seemed to be bleeding or broken, you thought with relief, but the skin around your right eye and cheek felt uncomfortable tight and you could still taste Eren's blood on your lips. You looked up at Eren through the fading pain.

He wasn't as lucky. Blood ran down his face from an obviously split eyebrow (courtesy of the ring you didn't take off), but his expression hadn't changed from before. He looked just as determined, just as intense, and just as angry.

"THE POINT IS TO SPAR, NOT PUMMEL EACH OTHER TO DEATH."

Shadis' bellowing voice caused both of you to jump and be pulled away from your stare-down. You looked around you with a wide-eyed expression when you saw that Shadis and most of the cadets had come away to watch your brawl. Eren wore a similar expression of surprise.

You imagined that you and Eren must have made quite the sight, panting heavily and covered in his blood. You saw Annie observing you coldly, next to an obviously concerned Mina who clutched at the fabric on her chest. Mikasa looked slightly irritated (you noticed with relief that it was directed solely at her brother), and Armin had a look of worry. The others had varying looks of concern, and some amusement. Marco just looked downright shocked.

You looked at your feet in shame.

"BOTH OF YOU, TO YOUR DORMS. NEXT TIME, TRY TO CONTROL YOURSELVES AND NOT TEAR EACH OTHER APART."

"Yes, sir," you said meekly. You heard Eren's likewise reply to your right.

"DISMISSED."

You moved to return to your dorms as the other trainees dispersed, but you were pulled back by a rough hand on your arm. You spun around to come face-to-face with Eren.

"This isn't over. Meet me here after lights out and we'll finish this."

You scowled at him and shook free, showing him your back. "Fine."

He stood there for several moments, watching you leave, before leaving himself.

~

You impatiently finished the rest of the day, showering in solitude and tidying up the dorm a bit before attending dinner. You sat with Mina, Christa, Ymir, and Sasha as usual. Thankfully, they all decided not to mention the sparring match from earlier or the blackening bruise on your right eye, and you could eat in a blissful silence. You refused to look at the corner of the room where the three from Shiganshina normally sat.

After dinner, everyone returned to their respective dorms. You managed to sneak into the covers with your uniform on without anyone noticing, and then sat in silence until you finally heard the telltale sounds of seven other sleeping girls. You quietly slipped out of your bunk and out the front door of the small cabin without any of them noticing and headed to the field with fire on your mind and in your heart.

Eren was already there waiting for you, with a sour look on his face. "It's about time."

You wasted no time in falling into your defensive stance. "Just get started. I want to get to bed."

His stance resembled yours as you both slowly began to circle each other. "Right. I'm sure you're getting up extra early tomorrow."

You shot daggers at him with your eyes, stepping around the dirt carefully. "It's none of your business."

"Oh? But it's Marco's?" His voice strained as he raced towards you, fists lifted.

"He has nothing to do with this," you replied, quickly dodging him and pivoting to face him again.

He scoffed. "What, are the two of you fooling around or something?"

"No," you growled defensively. You attempted to trip him as he charged again, but he leapt over your extended leg while trying to grab you, which you avoided.

"Didn't know he had it in him," he mocked harshly.

"Go to hell," you gnarled.

He ignored you, and didn't make any further attacks. "I don't understand what you see in him," he said disapprovingly.

It was your turn to scoff, arms lowered. "He's better than _you_ , at least."

Eren didn't respond, but snapped into action once more and swiftly punched your ribs. You bent over, holding your side, and looked up at him through your loose hair. He grabbed at it with rough hands and threw you onto the ground. You squeaked in pain, trying to defend yourself, but he was sitting on your chest and pinning your hands before you knew what was happening. You realized grimly that this was a reflection of the hold you had on him earlier, and regretted teaching him this certain technique. You wouldn't be able to break out of it like he did. You weren't strong enough.

"Then?"

You looked up at him from the ground. "Then what?" you asked sharply, struggling beneath him.

His eyes narrowed at you. "Why did you even come out here?"

You ignored the question, jerking your hands. They didn't budge, so you pulled up your knees and attempted to kick him, but couldn't get high enough. You were stuck. You ceased fighting. "Get off me, you cow!"

He didn't relent. "Why did you come?"

You grunted, frustrated. "Because you told me to!"

He shook his head, eyebrows drawn together. "You didn't need to. Why did you come?"

You stared at him, unmoving. "Get off."

"No," he said promptly.

Your scowl deepened and you tried to sound like you had some dignity, but failed. "Jaeger! Get off!"

"Say my name."

"..."

What now? You weren't sure you heard him correctly.

_He wants me to say his name?_

"What?" you asked unintelligently, confused.

He glared fiercely. "I'll let you go if you say my name."

You fumed at him. "No."

He sighed. "Come on. How hard is it?"

"Fuck you, _Jaeger_ ," you spat.

He growled and jerked your shoulders, digging you further into the ground and resting all of his weight on your chest. You gasped, not in pain, but discomfort, and struggled in vain again to free yourself from his bruising grip.

"Say. My. Name." he said with more authority than you thought he was capable of.

You had enough, and finally started to yell. "Why _should_ I? What is your _problem_?!"

He yelled right back at you, the facade of calm falling off his face. "I _hate_ it when you call me Jaeger. We've been here for almost a year, and I'm the only one you still call by last name!"

He looked like he could hit himself for giving in and telling you what his problem was, but tried to hold your gaze with what little pride he had left. You turned your head away from him, ready to dismiss his accusation, but he held you tight.

"No! I _talked_ to you! I told you things I never told anyone else! Not Armin. Not Mikasa. So you run and go make friends with _Marco_ , and I'm still just 'Jaeger' to you?"

"I already said, Marco has nothing to do with -"

"Don't," he cut you off, sounding drained. "I don't want to hear more lies. I want you to say my name. Like before."

"Why does it matter so much to you?"

You peered into his darkened, turquoise eyes. He looked at you resentfully, staring at your face for a few very silent, but somehow very _loud_ seconds. You were about to give up and break the tense stalemate, closing your eyes in resignation. Something brushed against the side of your face, over your scar, and your eyes shot open. His expression was one of mixed despair and disgust.

"I'm sorry," he said brokenly, one hand touching the side of your face. Whether he was talking about the scar or the black eye, you weren't sure. "I'm so sorry," he repeated, body falling over yours pathetically. His head fell next to yours, and you froze, hands outstretched, away from him, utterly confused.

"Are...are you okay?" you asked uncertainly.

"I didn't want to hurt you. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. Gods, I'm so fucking stupid."

You could hear him talking lowly into your ear, but it sounded more like it was to himself than to you. You remained silent and listened.

"I just... I got so angry. I wanted you to look at me like you look at him. I thought I had finally gotten through to you, and then you just... stopped. You're always pushing me away." His voice raised the slightest bit, and he pulled away to look you squarely in the face. "Why? Why do you do that?"

You couldn't find the strength to speak and stared at him mutely. He looked away.

"Before I knew it, we stopped speaking and you were sneaking into the classroom early every morning with him. Right after I told you... about my nightmares," he whispered, looking uncomfortable. "I thought I scared you away when you realized how broken I was. And even if I kept telling myself not to care, I did. I cared. I still care. A lot," he admitted sheepishly. "You make me crazy. You're all I can think about. I keep wondering what I did wrong, and I can't focus on my training, and... fuck, you're just such a distraction!" he yelled, slamming his fist down on the ground beside your face. You yelped once in fear before falling silent, staring at him above you with wide eyes.

He blanched at your reaction and looked like he was ready to cry, holding his hands up in submission. "I... shit. Gods, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm so sorry," he pleaded, leaning back and sitting on his heels at the bottom of your legs.

You sat up slowly, pushing yourself upright with your hands until you could kneel in front of him.

_What now?_

Acting on something purely instinctual, and before he could say anything else, you wrapped your arms around his torso and pulled him to you, hugging him tightly. You were shocked by how natural it felt to hold him. You heard him gasp quietly into your hair at your action.

"Eren, you idiot," you said softly.

He pulled back and looked down at your with shocked green eyes. "Huh?"

You tentatively grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry, too."

A look of confusion painted his features. "Why?"

"For pushing you away," you explained. "I didn't... I don't do it on purpose. And I don't think you're broken. Far from it," you confessed, blushing. "I just... I've never been good at making friends. I'm mean and cold and..." It was Eren's turn to remain quiet as you continued. "I'm the one who's broken. If you get too close to something broken, you're bound to get hurt by it. Like cutting your finger on shattered glass. You were just the one unfortunate enough to get too close to me."

"But... Marco?" he asked.

"Marco offered to help me study. Plus, it's impossible not to be friends with Marco," you said matter-of-factly. "And... I'm not his type," you added with a chuckle.

He actually laughed a little at that, some of the tension draining from his handsome face. "That's a fair point."

You both fell into silence after that for a few moments.

"You know, I... think you're okay," Eren said softly.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't think you're mean or cold or broken. I don't think you're anything other than amazing."

You didn't want him to know how much it meant to you that he said that. "So... I'm 'okay'?" you asked slyly. 

Eren blushed furiously. "Shut up."

You laughed quietly, still sitting on your heels. "I think you're okay, too. Idiot."

Eren laughed, then fell silent. "...Truce?" he asked shyly, holding out a large, tanned hand to you.

You stared at it in confusion for a few seconds before returning your gaze to his own. You gripped his hand tightly, shaking it with a grin on your face.  "Truce."

His grinned wickedly as he held tightly to your hand and pulled, effectively throwing you into his arms. He wrapped them around you and squeezed tightly, knocking the breath out of your lungs.

"Thank you," he whispered.

You smiled and wrapped your arms around him.

~

_Two Years Later_

"[Name]!"

You turned as you headed out to the field, walking backwards to face the owner of the voice. "Yes, Eren?" you called.

You heard a deep voice shout a greeting and turned to wave as Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie walked by, Reiner grinning, Bertl smiling shyly at you. Annie nodded quietly.

"You weren't going to wait for me, were you?" Eren asked indignantly, jogging to catch up with your long strides.

You smirked. "You were taking too long."

You looked up at your friend with a smile, pondering how much taller he'd gotten in the last two years. You were all eighteen now, and graduation was swiftly approaching. You could hardly even believe you had all come this far, and you had lived it.

Eren faked a look of offense. "I'm insulted. I think you're just too impatient."

You grinned, swinging your hips into him beside you and knocking him off balance, giggling as he stumbled slightly.

"Idiot. Come on, Shadis will kill us if we're late."


	8. For Three Years

"Wake up, Annie!"

"Sasha, slow down. Your shirt's inside-out again."

"Come on, Annie! Time to get up!"

"Breakfast will still be there once your shirt's on right, Sash. You'll be _Shadis'_ breakfast if your uniform's not perfect. And I'll be sure to pass him the ketchup."

"Mikasa, get Annie's lazy ass out of bed? I'm trying to help Mina with her 3DMG... Mina, how do you _always_ manage to get them tangled like this? _Child._ "

"Sasha, come back! That's _my_ boot, stupid!"

"Mina, move your arm up like this... Okay, you're all set..."

"...ANNIE! GET THE FUCK UP."

You yelled, shaking the sleeping girl vigorously, only one boot on and your hair a rat's nest as you barked out reminders and orders to the seven (six, now that Sasha had left to get first dibs on breakfast with Connie, as usual) other girls milling around you. For reasons far too complicated for you to understand, you had become a kind of cabin-mom to the seven trainees, taking care of them even (and especially) when they didn't want it. Mina referred to it as 'tough love'. You called her an idiot and denied it.

They were all grateful to you, though. You'd saved their asses from Shadis' wrath on more than one occasion and they knew it. Even Annie. Speak of the devil (sometimes you wondered if that saying applied to the blonde _literally_ ), she was still wrapped up in her blankets, which she currently had pulled up around her face. Maybe it was a fool's hope, but you expected, after three years of getting up at the same time, every single day, that Annie would become an easier riser. She did not. You were never brave enough to just take the blanket away from her, though. You tried that once, and paid for it later in the day when you were paired together in sparring.

You poked her cheek. "Annie. We're being scored today. And you're going to make me late. Again."

One icy blue eye opened up and stared at you threateningly over the covers. You would not relent.

So you decided to engage alternative tactics.

"We're doing _hand-to-hand combat_..." you cooed enticingly in a sing-song voice.

Annie groaned, glaring at you, but sat up nonetheless, pushing her blanket down to her feet.

"Good. Now get ready, Shadis expects us in ten," you said with a triumphant nod, turning around and scanning the hectic room for Sasha's other boot, which you would unfortunately be wearing today.

You groaned aloud at the state of disarray the other six girls were still in. No way you'd be able to find the boot in this chaos.

"You're a bunch of infants, I swear!"

~

The sun shone hotly down onto your back. You had your hair pulled back as much as you could manage in order to keep it off the sticky, sweaty plane of your forehead, and your eyes narrowed in concentration as you held you arms up in front of your face defensively. You could make out a form out of the corner of your eye, prowling, but chose to ignore it for now. The form laughed as it disappeared behind you.

"Aw, come on! Hit me! Do you want to make top ten or not?" Eren called teasingly, circling around you with a lazy stride, a smug look plastering his handsome features.

" _Strategy_ , idiot. I'm trying to come up with a strategy," you replied irritably, eyebrows furrowing dangerously.

"Oh, I see," Eren said calmly. Too calmly.

Suddenly, you felt very paranoid that you couldn't see him. Your paranoia was well-placed.

You let out a strangled ' _oof_ ' as your felt your knees buckle beneath you at an unknown pressure and you started to fall towards the ground. Before you could make impact, a pair of big, warm hands gripped your biceps and hoisted you up, turning you around so you were facing a couple of mischievous, green eyes. Your feet hung several inches above the ground. The look on his face was _infuriating_.

"You know, strategy doesn't do you much good if it means you take too long to strike."

You glared at him, still lifted helplessly off the ground like a scolded puppy. It took all of your self-control not to flail like a fish plucked out of a lake by a hawk. You had to try to retain what little dignity you had left. "I _know_ , Eren. That's what training is for. Put me down, or I _will_ strike. I'll strike that big, ugly nose of yours."

He grinned at you crookedly, placing you down gently before continuing his walk around you. "Yes, ma'am!"

You could feel your cheeks heat up in some mix of embarrassment and anger, but had plenty of practice over the last two years at fighting back the rush of red that would come to your cheeks. Eren loved to pick on you when this happens, so naturally, it had to stop.

You still weren't quite sure how it had happened, but over the last years, you and Eren had become very close friends. You two still argued, of course, but there was an underlying respect and care for each other that had caused you to become nearly inseparable. You had become rather close with Armin and Mikasa as a result, as well. As much as you loved the oriental girl and the blonde genius, though, you preferred it when it was just you and Eren. When the four of you were together, you couldn't help but be reminded by the fact that they had grown up and gone through so much together, and you'd never be able to compete with that kind of bond. They never seemed to care about that and loved you like you were an initial part of their group anyway, but you couldn't help the feelings regardless.

It wasn't just the Shiganshina trio, though. You had become incredibly close with many of the 104th Cadet Corps. Seeing as you were towards the top of class and participated in more of the advanced training with the other talented cadets, you had gotten close to the other contenders for the top ten. Despite your initial vow not to get close to the competition, you couldn't help but feel grateful to call each and every one of them your friend.

Everyone knew that Mikasa was going to be number one, if not close to it. Reiner, Bertl, and Annie were not far behind. You, Eren, Jean, and Marco were about even in the lineup, followed closely by Connie, Sasha, Ymir, and Christa. Armin, while he was the top trainee in classroom studies, did not have the physical prowess to make top ten, but he didn't care about that. He was going to join the Scouting Legion with Eren and Mikasa anyway.

The Scouting Legion.

Whenever you thought about the dangerous faction, your stomach twisted in fear. The very mention of their name made you feel violently uncomfortable, as if the titans themselves were making a home inside your heart. The nagging feeling of fear that tugged at your chest, though, was not for yourself, nor for the titans, and not even for Armin and Mikasa, although you did worry for them as well.

The fear, you knew, had a very specific name.

Eren.

Eren was going to join the Scouting Legion.

You heart twanged with dread. You'd known this literally since the first minute you met him. It was one of the first things he'd said to you on that rooftop three years ago. You remembered asking him if he was crazy. Sometimes, you still thought he was. He was dead-set on joining the Scouting Legion and eradicating the titan threat from the world.

You admired him for his determination, but... that didn't mean you wanted him to go kill himself for the sake of humanity. The nickname 'Suicidal Bastard' had spread quickly enough among the ranks of the 104th, and before the first year finished, each trainee knew him by name.

_"Jaeger, that suicidal bastard..."_

_"Thinks he can kill all the titans..."_

_"He's not even that good..."_

As time went on, though, Eren had _become_ good. More than good. It wasn't easy or natural for him. He had improved solely by the power of his own will. The difference between him and the other contenders for the top ten was very specific, and very definitive.

Eren had a _real_ purpose.

The others, as Eren had pointed out to you one day, had been honing their titan-killing skills to get as far away from the titans as possible. Eren, on the other hand, had been honing his titan-killing skills to become the best titan killer he could become, just as he's been working for his entire life. He let his rage and his passion fuel him in his training, like he did in every other aspect of his life. His passion ruled his every action, and it set him apart from every other cadet.

The difference really had become obvious when you looked at his scores in training recently.

_He's so talented. He'll make top ten. Wherever he goes, Armin and Mikasa will follow. He could live out his life, safe, in the interior, with Armin and Mikasa..._

_With me._

You were wrenched out of your thoughts by a sharp ' _twang_ ' on the back of your thigh, and you yelped, rotating quickly in place. Your eyes narrowed dangerously at your sparring partner. Eren sniggered and stepped back, withdrawing his hand from the strap of your 3DMG on your thigh and holding his hands up in surrender. You growled. "Did you just...?"

"I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. Wait, I'm not sorry."

You tensed up and pounced, bringing your fist up for the attack. Eren laughed and dodged easily, slipping behind you and poking your shoulder. "You missed!" he whispered in your ear.

You let out a war-cry, and spun around, missing his side with your fist by a mere inch.

"Heh!" he breathed in surprise, jumping to the side. "Now you're fighting! Who knew it was so easy to motivate you?"

You took advantage of his brief distraction and swung out your leg, kicking his feet out from underneath him. He hit the ground, hard, with a grunt. You jumped onto his chest, knocking the air out of his lungs, and pinned his hands above his head. You grinned triumphantly down at his flushed face.

"I win."

"Shit..." he panted, smiling weakly. "You've been practicing with Annie too much."

"Hey, guys! Ready to head back for dinner?"

You both looked up as Armin and Mikasa approached, and you quickly removed yourself from Eren's chest. You observed your two approaching friends. Armin had let his hair grow out a bit as he got older, and now would usually wear it half-pulled up in the back. He had also become as tall as most of the other guys in the corps, and grown into his looks as he aged. You and the others had no problem viewing him more as a man than a boy now, despite his lack of skill in the more physical aspects of training. Mikasa had gradually gotten more and more attractive over the years, forming herself into a lovely and lethal titan assassin. She kept her hair cut relatively short around her heart-shaped face, but always left her bangs loose, which hung in front of sharp, dark eyes that seemed never to miss a thing. Eren sat up slightly as they approached, resting on his elbows. The 'suicidal bastard' himself had gone through similar changes over the years. His hair was still as shaggy as ever. As a result of the fight, a little tuft poked out in the back of his head like a duck's butt and his bangs fell into his tanned face messily (you noted that you needed to cut his hair again sometime soon). He had gotten taller - much taller - and his body had broadened significantly. His turquoise eyes had remained as bright as ever, though, alight with his burning determination. Eren no longer was a boy - the person before you was a man.

"Is it that time already?" he asked, with an eyebrow raised.

Mikasa nodded. "You've been training for three hours."

You then noticed that the sun had gone down considerably and all of the other trainees had departed without either of you noticing. You held out a hand to Eren, and he grasped it tightly as you pulled him into a standing position. You dusted off the front of his dirty shirt. "You're a mess and you smell. Go shower. I'll meet you there?" you asked.

"Sounds good. But you need to shower, too, stinky."

You grinned and pushed him towards Armin, and he began to walk to the men's dorm, chatting amicably with his childhood friend. You and Mikasa headed out after them.

You fell a bit behind with her, as Eren and Armin led the way ahead of you. You walked in silence, staring at Eren's broad back, the straps of his 3DMG leading out of his jacket and down his back, heading to where...

You grinned evilly.

You turned to Mikasa, whispering something quickly and gesturing for her to be silent. She smiled softly and nodded. You quietly trotted up to the two boys. Once you caught up with them, you slowed to match their pace and kept on without making a sound. You reached a hand out towards Eren's (rather _nice_ , you noted wickedly) ass.

You curled your finger under the strap at Eren's left thigh, pulled it as far as it would stretch, and then let it go with a loud, sharp ' _snap_!'

The three of you (including Mikasa) practically cackled as Eren reeled in shock and squealed, reaching both hands behind himself to protect from your attack.

You were laughing too hard to accomplish much else, and Eren's face reddened in embarrassment.

~

After dinner, you and Eren left the mess hall to go sit outside and get some fresh air. Especially in the summer, the building got uncomfortably hot when it was filled with the mass of bodies and steaming stew, each giving off their own heat like a miniature sun. The two of you sat in comfortable silence on the front step of the hall. You stared out at the training field in the darkness, absentmindedly twisting your ring on your finger.  You didn't even notice Eren's eyes on you until he spoke.

"You know, you never told me..." he said, finally breaking the silence.

"Huh?" you said, snapping out of your reverie to look at your companion.

He pondered for a moment, staring at your hands. "Where did you get that ring anyway? What does it mean?"

You smiled sadly, looking down at the bird engraved into the silver. "It's a phoenix. I don't know where I got it. One of my parents, maybe. Probably my mother, because of the size."

Eren looked confused. "What's a phoenix? Is that the bird?"

"Yes. Marco told me about it once. He said it was a symbol of rebirth. Starting again." You shrugged. "I don't know, though. I think it's just a bird."

Eren was silent for a few seconds, still looking at the small piece of jewelry. "...It's broken."

"What?" You looked at him, startled.

"Right here," he said, grabbing your hand gently and pulling it towards himself. He pointed at the tiny silver bird with a calloused finger. "There's a piece missing, like it chipped off. Its wing is broken."

You looked closely at the ring, noticing the small chip for the first time. "Aw, shit. I never noticed that before." You pulled the ring off your finger, holding it up to the light and observing the tiny blemish with a sad expression.

"I don't think it's a bad thing," Eren said, his voice quiet.

You scowled. "Why, Eren, would it not be a bad thing?"

He looked at you softly, taking your hand again, putting the ring back on your index finger. "It gives it character. Look: even with a broken wing, it still flies."

Your eyebrows drew together, confusion etched onto your features. "Hah? What does that even mean?"

He dropped your hand and remained silent for a few minutes, and you let the matter go.

"...I don't really know anything about you."

You scoffed, crossing your arms across your chest and leaning back against the stair. "Sure you do."

He shook his head. "I don't, though. I mean, I know _you_ , but I don't know anything about your life before. I don't even know your middle name."

You shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. You wanted to avoid this topic as much as possible. It was getting a little too close. "There's nothing to tell. And I don't have a middle name."

His voice stayed quiet. "Okay. But there must be _something_ you can tell me about yourself."

You stiffened.

You wanted to tell him... you wanted to tell him so badly... but how do you bring up something like that after so long?

He would never trust you again.

He'd call you a liar, a thief, a _criminal_... you'd be forced to leave and either go back to the Undercity or spend the rest of your life rotting in a Military prison, carving lines onto the wall to keep track of the days.

As much as the idea of that hurt, the idea of Eren never looking at you again like he was now... that hurt even more.

He couldn't know. He couldn't ever know.

You wanted to remain calm, but couldn't help the hard edge that had come into your voice. "There isn't. My life's boring. You don't want to hear about it," you said with finality.

You were irritated, but nonetheless unsurprised when he persisted. "I do," he said, the determination you'd come to know so well flaring up in his words. 

You faked a sigh, drawling, "My favorite color is -"

"That's not what I meant, [Name]," Eren interrupted, his voice taking on a scolding tone.

You glared at him silently.

"You mentioned your mother before?" he asked gently.

"I never knew my parents," you interjected shortly.

"Why not?" he questioned.

You scoffed. "Because I guess they just had better things to do than raise children. Can we not talk about this?"

He fell silent.

You thought he had finally dropped the subject when he realized that it was going nowhere, but you jumped when Eren lay his hand lightly on yours. "I'm sorry. I just want to know more about you."

Your eyes widened. "Why?" You cursed yourself at the crack in your voice, and couldn't control the flood of red rushing to your cheeks at his proximity.

"Because I do."

Your heart was racing, and you were quickly becoming inexplicably angry at the man beside you. "But why do you _care_ about this shit?" you said. "In a few weeks, we'll never see each other again anyway. You're going to go kill yourself for the Scouting Legion."

A loud pause echoed between you.

Eren started to look frustrated himself, letting go of your hand. "I know, I just... shit, I don't know, I just do."

An awkward tension spread between the two of you on the stair.

You missed the feeling of his hand on yours, you realized with a start.

"Where did you get that scar?" he asked, trying to restart the conversation and gesturing to your cheek.

You knew him dropping it was too good to be true.

"I got into a fight once and was thrown into a window," you explained gruffly.

He actually laughed a little. "What kid is strong enough to throw a child into a window?" he asked incredulously.

You scowled at him. "Did I say I got into a fight with a kid?"

He shot you an astonished expression. "Then... who?"

You turned away from him haughtily. "It's none of your business."

[[Songstamp: 'Everywhere and Nowhere']](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhgSMYiNhAs/)

Eren grunted in frustration and grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. "What is the matter with you?" he gritted.

Your eyes narrowed at him, and you gritted your teeth at the slight pain from his tight grip on your face.

"Let me go, Eren," you warned coldly.

"Why can't I know anything about you? What happened to you to make you so... _screwed up_?"

That stung, but you wouldn't let him see it. "Eren... I said, _let me go_ ," you repeated, voice lowering dangerously.

He didn't, and instead kept on talking. "For three years, all you've ever done is draw me in, and then push me away. Like a fucking toy," he chuckled darkly. "For three years, I've found out everything there is to know about who you are, as a person. You're strong, physically and mentally. You can be funny when you want to be, and you're smart as hell. You're so, so kind, even if you don't want anyone to know it," he said, his voice becoming softer the longer he spoke. His grip on you slackened. You could have pulled away if you wanted, but... you didn't. "For three years, I've wanted to know about your life and the experiences and stupid little things that make you who are. For three years, you have told me nothing. And for three years, I've fallen asleep every night thinking about you," he confessed, breath hitching in the slightest. "I want to know these things because I care about your life," he said breathlessly, closing his eyes tightly. "And I care about your life because I care about you."

You froze, staring at him with a wide-eyed look.

There was an unspoken rule, a line that had been established between the two of you, and Eren had just charged over it at high speed. The fact of the matter was, you had never expected either of you to cross that line. It went against your natures. Yet here he was, a mile into your side of that line. Right in front of you.

You were still too afraid to reach out and touch him.

He didn't belong to you. He belonged to the Scouting Legion. He'd made that decision long ago.

He had gone completely still as well, hand still on your chin, a similar look of bafflement in his turquoise eyes.

You both sat there, staring at each other silently, almost nose-to-nose.

His eyes dropped down to his fingers on your chin, and he leaned forward marginally, letting his forehead fall against yours. A mere centimeter separated your mouths, and you could feel the faint brush of his breath on your lips. You still couldn't move.

Your heart hammered so loudly you could have danced to its beat.

You could almost feel his heartbeat, too.

Suddenly, you weren't frozen anymore.

A loud _crack_ rang out as the palm of your hand connected with the side of his face.

"Ow!" he yelled, releasing your chin and cradling his cheek with his hand.

"I said to let me go," you explained, flustered, abruptly standing up and brushing down your pants.

He looked up at you from the ground, a pleading look on his face, hand rubbing his cheek. "[Name], I -"

"Goodnight, Eren."

"Wait, [Name], please -"

You didn't give him a chance to finish, breaking out into a run and making a straight line for your dorm.

The last thing you wanted was for someone to see the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes. Especially Eren.

_Of all the people..._

_Why did it have to be the suicidal bastard?_


	9. Always

You sat up in your bed, groaning at the light filtering in through the window.

"What...?"

You squinted your eyes, trying to rub the sleep and confusion out of them.

You looked around you. All the other girls were fast asleep as well, in positions that looked so stiff and so deep in slumber that they may as well have been comatose. No one had come to rouse you all, as had happened each other time this had happened over training.

You hadn't awoken with the sun in three years.

_Why...?_

_Oh. Right._

Today was it. The day before your final test. The one day in three years you each have, completely free and completely to yourselves to do whatever you wanted.

You were the only one in a hundred cadets who was not excited about this day.

You'd had a hard time getting excited about anything since the last time you spoke with Eren.

Everyone with homes within Wall Rose was going to take the day to visit their family and loved ones. Others were going to head to the town or the market area in Trost and spend the day hitting the shops and stalls with their friends.

You, well... if you had your way, you were just going to sleep. It wasn't like you had any friends or family outside of the 104th Trainee Corps or any money to spend.

Yeah, sleeping sounded good. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.

You fell back, relishing the feeling of the pillow cradling your head. It may have been made out of shit and cardboard, but it was better than nothing.

_A day off..._

"WAHOO!"

You sat up straight in bed, hair flipping up unattractively, a grimace painting your face.

"Sasha. You better shut up. Right now."

Sasha had burst in through the door with Connie, spinning around on one foot, throwing her hands into the air joyously. "But today's our day off! You all don't want to spend it sleeping! - _oof_!"

Sasha lifted her hands defensively as Annie threw what appeared to be her whole boot directly at Sasha's head.

"Okay, okay, I get it. I'm sorry. I just thought you guys would want to do something _fun_ with what little time you have! This is one of our last days together, and we can do whatever we _waaant_!" she sang, running down the aisle to grab her small satchel. "Connie, let's go! The shops are open!"

He nodded vigorously as she grabbed his hand and dragged him out the door. Blissful silence fell over the cabin once again.

_Finally..._

"She has a point, you know," Christa said thoughtfully from her top bunk. She sat up, long blonde hair forming a messy halo around her head. "Ymir, are you up? Wanna go to town?"

"We could just snuggle in bed," Ymir answered grumpily from beneath her. "Together," she added as an afterthought, sounding rather satisfied with her idea.

"Come on, Ymir! Look, the sun's already up! We're wasting time!" Christa pleaded, leaning over the side of her bed to peer at her best friend. Her blonde hair fell down, tangled and ratty. Ymir played with it absentmindedly, separating the knotted strands with her fingers.

Hannah lithely jumped down from the bunk she shared with Sasha, red hair almost standing straight up, and started getting ready, digging for her brush in her drawer. Mikasa did the same, careful not to wake her grumpy, blonde, somehow again sleeping, bunkmate. Ymir groaned. "We can't just sleep?"

"I'm with Ymir," you called sleepily.

"No, we can't just sleep," Christa answered incredulously. "[Name]!" she called. "What are you going to do today?"

You groaned, gesturing towards your head dramatically. "This."

"You can come with us," she offered.

"Nope. Still this. But thanks."

Mikasa peeked up from the side of your bed. "You could come to the market with Eren, Armin, and me."

You looked at her wearily. "Thanks, but no."

She stared at you silently for a moment, until you felt slightly uncomfortable. "Is everything okay between you and Eren? He's seemed depressed lately."

You forcibly scoffed, rolling your eyes for added show. "He's just being dramatic. We had a little fight. It's nothing," you said, dismissing her assumption with an airy wave of your hand.

The truth was, as tough a show as you put on for the others, you knew Mikasa would see right through you. You'd been friends and lived together for a quite a while, so you knew it was unavoidable that she'd see how bothered you were by your last conversation with Eren, just as she'd noticed with her brother. After two years of being inseparable, you'd barely looked at each other in almost a month.

But you wanted to. Oh, you wanted to.

And therein lies the problem.

Mikasa narrowed her eyes. "It's not nothing. I've seen him when you guys fight. This is different."

You dropped the facade in front of your friend, sadness taking over your expression. You sighed heavily, glad the other girls were too busy to notice your conversation. You figured this was why Mikasa had chosen now to have it. She was nothing if not quietly considerate. Truthfully, she was probably one of the best friends you'd ever had.

"I don't want him to get any closer. Mika, we're all leaving next week. You're leaving. _He's_ leaving."

She looked down for a moment, pondering what you had said. "I think I understand where you're coming from. But is breaking his heart really worth it?"

"I'm not breaking -"

"[Name], please listen to me," Mikasa said quietly. You immediately fell silent. Mikasa didn't often speak, and almost never demanded to be listened to. You could tell that whatever she needed to say was important to her, so you gave her your full attention. She was quiet for a few moments. "I've seen Eren go through every emotion there is. Anger, sadness, even happiness sometimes," she said, a sad smile on her beautiful face. "He wears his heart on his sleeve. Heartbreak isn't one I've seen before, but it isn't too difficult to recognize."

You stared at her blankly.

"Whatever it was that was said between the two of you, it causes him pain. He's hurting," she clarified. "I understand that he and you are not joining the same branch. I understand that he... _doesn't_ understand. But please... try to fix it. I've never seen him like this before."

"Mika..." you said, stunned almost into silence. You hadn't realized that... Eren was in as much pain as you were. Maybe even more... he didn't know why you weren't letting him near you. You didn't like it, but she had a point. You didn't want to hurt him anymore than you already had. You cleared your throat and nodded. "I'll try."

She looked at you and smiled wanly. "That's all I can ask. Thank you."

She jumped down from your bunk bed and continued getting ready, changing into a simple blouse and skirt from when she joined several years ago. They still fit her.

You laid back heavily against your bed and tried closing your eyes and falling back asleep again.

All you could see was him.

"Shit," you groaned, getting out of bed and jumping to the floor, startling Mina who sat on her own bed, lacing up her boots.

"[Name]!" she said excitedly... or was it guiltily?... as you sat down beside her drowsily.

You smiled at her. "Hi, Mina."

She glowed. "Will you come with us today?"

She reminded you so much of Amelia. She was so light, so carefree, so happy. She deserved a better friend than you, you thought sadly. "No, Mina, but thank you. I think I'll just spend today relaxing here. The past three years have taken their toll on me," you joked, leaning against her and pushing her slightly.

She giggled. "I understand. I'm tempted to just stay in bed myself," she said cheerfully. Her smile faded a bit and she looked at you seriously. "[Name], I... I heard what Mikasa said to you."

You looked sourly at your feet. "Oh."

Mina smiled gently. "I don't know him very well, but when I notice he's been different too, something's wrong."

You sighed. "I don't know what to do, Mina. He wants more than it's possible for us to have. I don't want to get too close, and then have to watch him leave."

She shrugged, leaning against your shoulder lightly. "Maybe he's just as sad about having to leave you as you are about leaving him."

"I don't think he understands," you said, frustration tinting your voice.

"Oh, I bet he does," Mina said thoughtfully. "I bet he understands perfectly, and that's why he wants more. It's like Sasha said before - he's trying to make the best of what little time we have left."

You looked at her, a startled look on your face. "But what's the point of that? It'll just hurt to remember later."

"It'll hurt more if you leave with nothing. Appreciate him while you still have him, and have those memories later."

With that, she got up and walked out, gripping your shoulder tightly before she left.

It wasn't long before you were left alone with your thoughts.

~

You stretched like a cat, cracking your back to the left and the right before clicking the triggers on your 3DMG and soaring into the trees.

You had always taken a great amount of joy in soaring through the sky with your gear, and today, tired or no, you needed that feeling of freedom. When you lived in the Undercity, you were barely even able to see the sun or the clouds. Now, you could live among them.

You weren't sure how long you'd been flying, but eventually, your muscles start to cramp up and you decided you needed to take a break. The sun was starting to hang low in the sky, painting the horizon with gorgeous pinks and oranges, so you knew it was getting later and you'd need to just head straight back afterwards. You landed by a lake, thinking that the water would be refreshing as well. You dropped your gear on the ground to relieve yourself of some of the weight, and made your way over to the shore.

You almost jumped out of your boots when someone landed heavily beside you.

"I thought you went to town," you said immediately upon seeing a pair of accusing green eyes. You backed up nervously.

He shrugged, intent eyes trained on you. "I didn't feel like it."

Your eyes narrowed. "Then what are you doing here?"

"I saw you, so I followed you," he said matter-of-factly.

You grunted and turned, walking back to you discarded gear. "Too far, Eren."

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Eren asked, hot on your trail.

"You know why," you said over your shoulder, still walking away.

'Fixing it', it was turning out, was easier said than done when it came to this guy.

He didn't stop. "This could be one of the last times we get to talk."

"That's okay with me," you said flippantly.

He finally caught up with you, standing between you and your gear, a look of desperation on his face. "Please! Please, just talk to me," he begged, coming closer to you cautiously. "Don't just walk away from me... please. Please."

All of your pent up emotions burst within in you, and you couldn't keep your voice down anymore. "What do you want from me, Eren?!" you yelled.

He didn't back down, nor did he move. He held your gaze fiercely. "I want to know why it's so wrong for me to care about you."

You groaned and looked away. "Eren..."

He grabbed your hand and watched as he gently ran his index finger over your knuckles. His voice dropped, laced with emotion. "Why can't I care? What is it about your past that's so bad that you can't even tell _me_?" asked Eren, turning his gaze back to you.

You didn't like where this was going so you pulled your hand free, backing away and shaking your head. "Eren, please, stop -"

He halted abruptly, massaging the bridge of his nose. "No, that's not what I've wanted to say. But I've been waiting for a month to say this, and it's my last chance, so please... listen. Just listen. One last time."

You wanted to tell him no, to push him aside and grab your gear and fly away from him. That was easier... but... something about the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes wouldn't let you do it.

Wouldn't let you break his heart.

"...Okay," you said quietly.

He looked up at you with hopeful eyes. "Okay?"

You nodded. "Okay."

"...Thank you," he said quietly. He looked like he wanted to reach out to you, but changed his mind. His hands fell limply to his sides. His eyes were trained on the lake behind you. "It's fine if you can't tell me about what happened before we met. I don't care about where you came from. I don't care about what you've done," he said, stepping forward and taking your hand again cautiously. You let him. "All I care about is you, and if caring about you means that I can't know, then that's okay," he said simply. "But please, don't ignore me. Please don't ever ignore me like that. I've been miserable without you. I thought that... _that_ was going to be the last time I'd ever get to talk to you, and it made me sick to my stomach," he said, grimacing. "I'm sorry that I pushed you. If you don't want to be... friends like before, that's fine. But please, please don't treat me like I don't exist. But I'm sick of being pushed away. ...I just want to be close to you."

Somewhere during his speech, you had turned away from him, hand still enclosed in his.

You didn't want him to see you cry.

"Look at me," he said gently, squeezing your hand with one of his, touching your scarred cheek with another.

You didn't reply, for fear of your voice betraying your emotions to him.

"Please," he said softly.

"Why?" You spoke the word as quietly as possible.

"I need to see your face."

"..."

Slowly, uncertainly, you faced him, turning your wet cheek into his palm, tears falling freely from your eyes. You were past being embarrassed in front of him, but you felt ashamed nonetheless.

"[Name]..." he said, stunned. "Why... are you crying?"

Your face twisted angrily at his stupid question, and you snapped. "Because you're leaving!" you spat.

He looked concerned, and his hands dropped to his sides. "What?"

"You're leaving! You're joining _them_! " you hissed the word like it was a swear, staring at him accusatorily.

He shook his head in confusion. "What does that have to do with anything? You always knew I was joining the Legion," he reasoned.

You looked at him disbelievingly. "Yeah! Yeah, I did! But I wasn't expecting to feel like... _this_!" you gestured generally at your whole self.

Eren was still lost. "Like what?"

You looked around angrily, struggling to put words to your feelings. "Idiot. Like... like... like my heart's being _torn_ out of my chest!"

As usual, he was struggling to keep up. "...What are you saying?"

You glared at him through the tears that just refused to stop. _Sina, how much can one person cry?_ "What don't you understand? I think about me going the Police or the Garrison and you going to the Legion and it feels like my heart's being torn out of my chest. You might be okay with leaving me behind, but I'm not okay with letting you go!"

Eren simply gawked at you, speechless.

"I can't stand the thought of living the rest of my life not knowing... whether you're alive or dead. I..." You kept backing up, away from him, until your ankles hit the water. You couldn't control it anymore and gave up on your self-control, cries falling freely from your lips. "Please d-don't go..." you sobbed brokenly, wrapping your arms around yourself, trying in vain to hold yourself together before your broken soul broke clean in half.

"[Name]..."

You continued. "Please, don't go... just join the Military Police," you pleaded. "You could, you'll easily make top ten. Armin and Mikasa will follow you wherever you go, just please... don't go to them. I don't know... what I'd do..."

He started walking towards you as you spoke, and you hiccuped pathetically, about to lose the strength to stand.

"Don't go," you whimpered again weakly, meeting him halfway. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you in a tight embrace before you could fall, and pulled you closely against his chest. You gripped his jacket as if you'd blow away in the wind if you let him go.

You held onto each other for you didn't even care how long. The sun had gone down, preventing you from flying back with the 3DMG anyway, so there was no need to rush anymore. Eren drew lazy circles on your back with his fingers.

After a few minutes of silence, once your sobbing (finally) died down, he spoke. "[Name]... you don't really think I... don't care, do you? About... leaving you behind."

"What else am I supposed to think?" you sniffled, looking up at him. "You want to start something, but... what are we supposed to do in a week when we go our separate ways? What then? I don't just want some... but we can never have more. We both know that. And you act like it doesn't matter what will happen afterwards."

"[Name], I think about that every day," he confessed. "My greatest fear is that the walls will break again and I won't be here for you. That I'll come back from a mission and you won't be here anymore. You're not the only one that worries, you know."

"Then why do you want to get close to me so soon before you leave? It'll just make it hurt more later," you whispered. "It's easier just to let it go."

"Sure, it's easier just to ignore it and hope it goes away, but..." he said quietly. "Do you remember what I said to you our first night here?"

You looked up at him in confusion. "I'm sorry... no."

"You told me that you can't lose what was never yours," he explained. "So I told you that I learned that day in Shiganshina to never take a single thing for granted and that you were stupid to want to stay away from everyone to try and protect your heart. In the end, your heart will always just do what it wants, with or without your permission."

"Mostly without," you said bitterly.

You could feel, more than hear, his chest rumble with a deep laugh. "Mostly without," he agreed. "So, I want to cherish whatever time I have with you. Whether it will hurt later or not."

You couldn't find the words to reply to him. You'd never imagined... that he felt that way. It made so much more sense to you now. You could feel yourself heal a little bit at the thought.

"...I've never seen you cry before," he said thoughtfully.

You scowled. "That's because I don't cry. And if you don't shut up, I'll still kick your ass, crying or no."

There came that wonderful rumble again. "Hey, _that's_ sure to make you smile! Let's try that!"

You giggled, sniffling against his shirt. "Eren. You're such a..."

"An idiot?" he offered helpfully.

"Yes. You're an idiot," you agreed fondly, laughing softly through your tears and nuzzling into his chest.

You remained silently in each other's company. You silently thanked Mina for her words from earlier.

_It'll hurt more if you leave with nothing. Appreciate him while you still have him, and have those memories later._

You were going to do just that, but still...

"We can never have more than this, you know," you said sadly, pulling him towards you even more, if it was possible.

"I know," he replied.

"You're still going to go, aren't you." It wasn't so much a question as a statement.

You felt him sigh dejectedly by your ear. "I have to."

"I know," you said sadly. "You would never have gone anywhere else."

His arms tightened around you, before he pulled back, holding you at arm's distance. His eyes burned fiercely. "I promise you. I will win this war, for the both us. I'll come back to you."

"I know," you said solemnly.

He kissed your forehead, thumbing away the tears on either of your cheeks, before pulling you back into his arms. "Will you wait for me?"

Even if you would never be able to have more than this, than holding each other close; even if you both knew that his promise to end the war was an empty one; even if you were going against everything you had ever believed in your short time on earth, you didn't hesitate. Not for one second.

"Always," you said, for the first time not caring about what was certain to come. "Always."


	10. Mirror

You woke up the next day, tired, but feeling far better than you had in weeks.

Today was the day of your final evaluation. And you were _ready_.

Your resolution with Eren last night by the lake, despite how long it'd taken the two of you to walk home through the woods and the toll it had taken on your sleep, had left you feeling renewed and, dare you say it, happy. After the last month of loneliness, your last conversation had refreshed you, both emotionally and physically. You didn't think you'd been more ready to go in three years.

You would leave for the Military Police next week. All you had to do now was finish your test and make the top ten.

You sat up in bed, kicking the sheets off your bare legs and stretching like a cat. You yawned quietly before jumping lightly to the floor, the pads of your feet making nothing more than a soft _'thump'_ as you landed. You looked around you, noticing all the other girls still sleeping in various positions and levels of quiet, and left for the showers on your own. It would be one of the last showers you took here. You thought it may seem overly sentimental, but the first shower you ever took was in there, by yourself. You wanted to appreciate that solitude one last time before you left for the interior.

Quickly, you undressed, laying your clothes neatly on the ledge by the sinks. You turned the faucet on one of the corner showers, and the water spurted to life. You waited until the temperature had gone up a bit and then stepped beneath the spray. You loved showering earlier than the others; you were almost guaranteed hot water. The only one who seemed to enjoy showering in the cold was Annie. At least, it seemed that way with how late she got up most mornings. There was never any hot water left for her, as everyone else had already used it up.

You relished the feeling of the heat pounding onto your back, rapidly washing yourself so the others would have hot water as well, and changed into your uniform, buckling up your harness with deft, agile hands before the sinks.

When you finished, you stared at your reflection in the washroom mirror.

You had never looked at yourself all that often over the years. You didn't really like to. Every time you saw that scar burdening your cheek, you were reminded of that day that had changed your life. Every time you looked at yourself, you were reminded of your failures.

Today was no different, but you found yourself entranced.

You weren't sure when it happened. Your face had thinned out considerably over time, but not in the sickly way. Your eyes seemed less big and childlike, and your skin looked less drawn. That is, you didn't look like you were starving. You used to wear your skin like you didn't have enough of it. But you hadn't had to worry about having enough food in years. Even with Sasha around, there was always more than enough. You still had a long scar, but it had faded and looked like it belonged there, rather than looking like it remained out of mere spite. You looked tired, certainly. There were dark circles under your eyes, probably from your late-night excursion.

That, however, didn't dull how _bright_ you looked. Your eyes practically glowed. Your skin was a healthy tan color from years of working outside beneath the sun. Your hair hung loose around your face. You looked strong, and powerful. You were no longer a little girl playing at war. You were a woman. You were a soldier.

And you were going to throw away three years of training to kill titans to join the Military Police.

Your heart stung at the thought, but you didn't know why.

_This is it, Amelia._

~

You didn't even remember the speech that Shadis gave all of the cadets after you had all gotten ready, eaten a small breakfast, and excitedly made their way out to the field for final evaluations. Chatter invaded your ears from all sides. He congratulated all of you for remaining this far. After today, you are all soldiers, blah, blah. He hadn't told you much of what evaluation would entail, only that it would test everything you had learned over the course of the last three years. Lastly, he told us he was proud to have taught us, which shocked us all. Shadis was never a cruel man, it was just not in his nature to give such plain praise.

You were nervous, everyone was - but still, you were excited. You were certain that you were close, if not in, the top ten in the rankings at the moment. You only hoped that you could maintain such high scores today during your test.

Shadis finished speaking, and called out the name of a trainee you didn't know very well. He nervously stepped out of the crowd. It was starting. Shadis led the trainee away from the large mass of cadets, explaining something to him as they walked. Once they reached the woods, they both took off on their 3DMG. Silence fell.

Five minutes later, they returned. Shadis dismissed the cadet, and he left, looking slightly dejected. He rejoined the formation of trainees, eyes on the ground. Shadis' demeanor hadn't changed. He called the next name.

Time passed like this. Mikasa, Armin, Marco, Reiner, Sasha, and Mina had gone. After Bert's evaluation, Shadis dismissed everyone for a half-hour lunch break. It was finished in silence. Many of the trainees had gone silent after their own tests, likely unsatisfactory evaluations. This knowledge cowed everyone else into quiet as they pondered what they were actually getting themselves in to.

You didn't want to think about it, but seeing everyone's faces, their tight lips, lowered eyes, and downturned mouths, you couldn't help it.

What if... you _didn't_ make the top ten?

What would you do then?

You didn't want to join the Garrison, now that you gave it some thought. The opportunities to help _anyone_ while in what Eren liked the call the 'Wall Construction Unit' were few to none. They spent their days drinking. Watching the titans clawing at the base of the other side of the wall.

You didn't want that.

So, the only other option was... the Scouting Legion.

A death sentence.

Eren's likeliest fate.

So, you were committed. If you didn't make top ten, you had to choose one. Would you choose the Garrison, spending the rest of your life drunkenly straddling the wall, looking down on the thousands of people who really need help? Or would you choose the Scouting Legion, and throw your life away as titan fodder?

But... making the ultimate commitment to making a difference. To really, _truly_ help not just people, but all of humanity as a whole. The thought was enticing.

Thinking about it that way... would joining the Legion really be so bad?

Amelia had wanted to join the Legion, and fight and die for something actually worth it.

Growing up in the slums, you had seen people die for a lot less.

Would you be brave enough to do it, even if you didn't make the top ten? What about... if you did make top ten?

_Stop it._

You wanted to vomit. Three years, with a singular goal - the Military Police - and you were now talking yourself out of it. It was so close, and yet...

You didn't want it.

Suddenly, lunch didn't look so inviting. You pushed your tray over to Sasha.

~

You returned to the field, and Eren, Jean, Christa, and Annie took their turns. Each returned looking moderately (Christa) to very (Eren) confident in their results. Annie looked no different than ever.

You were close to having a breakdown the entire time.

_What do I do?_

Time inched by. Finally. Finally, Shadis called your name. You walked up to him with what you hoped was a confident stride. Even you weren't convinced it was.

You stopped right before your instructor, snapping your best salute. He appraised you silently, and nodded.

"[Surname]," greeted Shadis crisply. "Follow me." He pivoted and head out towards to woods. "The goal of your assessment is simple. Complete the course in as little time as possible, killing as many of the 'titans' as possible. They will be wooden mounts, just as they were in training. You will be graded on speed, efficiency, form, strike depth, and skill, as well as having the past three years of observation added into the calculations. Two instructors will act as 'deviants' and pursue you, and should you get tagged by one of them or have your wires cut, you are 'dead'. Points will be deducted. I will observe your assessment from above."

You nodded your head. "I understand."

"Good. The timer starts when I tell you to go."

You both reached the forest, and you proceeded to check your belts to be sure that they were secure. You were hardly ready when Shadis suddenly took off into the trees, shouting, "GO! THE TITANS WON'T WAIT WHILE YOU SECURE YOUR GEAR."

You took off with a growl of rage, straight into the trees at a hundred miles an hour. The trees kicked up a wind as you flew, lifting your wild hair from your forehead. The sun beat through the high branches where Shadis shadowed you, pounding onto the back of your tan military jacket. Your eyes scanned the area, alert for titans, both wooden and human. So far, there was nothing.

You had been concerned that the course would not be obvious and you would get lost, never to finish your final examination, but that was not the case. The trees were formed in a manner that made it very easy to navigate, as well as the trail of wooden titans that began to lead deeper into the woods. The first wooden behemoth was approaching rapidly. You brought yourself higher, drawing your giant box-cutter blades from their sheaths before the first titan, diving downwards to gain momentum before sinking your blades deep into the wooden nape, cutting off a large, triangular chunk. You noted with pride that it was much deeper than the other cuts that were there. You took a sharp left and followed the trail, which you imagined was shaped somewhat like a U.

_I can do this! I can make the Military Police!_

You were too busy being caught up in your triumph, zooming through the trees, to notice that you also felt a little sad at the thought.

You cut down the next several titans with ease, all in under one minute. Then, you saw it. Out of the corner of your right eye, a shadow drifted just out of your range of vision. From the left, another.

The deviants.

Adrenaline rushing, you could feel more than see them closing in on you, and you noted how difficult it may have been for other recruits to notice them before it was too late. Fifteen years in the Undercity, though, had helped you hone in on that little six sense that told you when you were being watched or followed.

They were good, but... you were better.

They both dove in towards you at the same time, aiming straight for your wires. You pulled yourself up at a sharp angle, pulling your blades over your head to slice down, severing one wire on each of the 'deviants'. Having lost control, they slammed into one another, remaining wires caught, spinning until they no longer had any mobility. You 'wooped' in excitement.

_Just a few more minutes, and I'll be in the Military Police. Just a few more, and..._

_Why am I doing this?_

You soared straight over the head of a titan.

Three years. You'd been working towards this for three years, and... you were having second thoughts. Every time you visualized yourself standing, _saluting_ for a Military Police officer in the inner district, you felt sick to your stomach.

Titan after titan you passed by, ignored, as you began to panic.

Eyes the color of stale water sneered at you, back down in the Undercity, tugging you back by your satchel. You heard the bang of a gunshot in a Capital City alley. You felt the shard of glass cut into your cheek, and the shard of glass digging into your palm as you smoothly slid it across a man's throat.

This time, though, it wasn't the face that haunted your dreams. Your own face, spattered lightly with your sister's life blood, grinned at you as the blood drained from its body, red staining its straight, white teeth.

Amelia's ring rested warmly on your finger.

"I don't WANT this!"

You saw the horned horse, and your heart pounded.

_Don't think like that... snap out of it..._

_Snap out of it!_

You regained your focus and darted towards the last titan, blades raised, striking it with such force that the titan was knocked out of its anchor and landed hard on the wooded ground. You landed lithely on its makeshift head as it slid, eventually coming to a stop before Instructor Shadis, who landed and stood looking at you solemnly, hands held behind his back.

"Thank you. Your assessment is over."

Blankly, you turned on your heel. Distracted by your inner turmoil, you made your way over to the formation of cadets standing silently. You stood beside Sasha. She looked at you with a question in her eyes, but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything. So you didn't let your face falter. Yet, strangely, you only wanted to cry.

_What have I done?_

You may have just lost any chance of achieving the dream that you've always wanted. You were disappointed in yourself, but...

You visualized the person you saw in the mirror that morning, draped in the forest green of the Scouting Legion.

Eight hours had passed and Millius, the last cadet, returned from his evaluation. It was time to return to the mess hall for dinner. The evening passed silently. You went to bed without speaking another word.

~

You had heard the whisperings that today would be the day they finally put up the final rankings, but didn't believe it until you heard that, _yes, the rankings were up. The bulletin board is by the registration area. Go see it before everyone else finds out or you won't be able to get close enough to the board to see anything._

Surely enough, you were too late to avoid the crowds around the board. You could see from the back that there were several pieces of paper, one with a handful of largely printed names, and the others with a list of names, printed very, very small. 

You didn't care about the small names. You knew exactly which sheet you needed to see.

You walked nervously up to the board, trying to sneak between the milling bodies chattering excitedly. Some were laughing, teasing friends who did not rank as highly as they did. Others were crying, seeing that they did not make top ten. Some didn't seem to care about the rankings at all, and joked raucously with friends.

You cared little to talk with any of them. You only cared to see that little sheet of paper.

Finally, you stood before it, sights on the ground.

_Moment of truth, Amelia._

You lifted your eyes.

_1\. Mikasa Ackerman_

You were unsurprised by this. Mikasa was by far the best trainee here. She had worked hard to obtain that rank, even if she wasn't going to use it to be accepted into the Military Police.

One down, nine to go.

_2\. Reiner Braun  
3\. Bertholdt Fubar  
4\. Annie Leonhardt_

The three of them were also no surprise to you, and they deserved their rankings. You imagined all three would be joining the Military Police. Annie, at least, had made her intention to join the Police evident since day one. Your eyes drifted down.

_5\. Eren Jaeger_

Even though you knew he didn't care about his rank and probably wouldn't even come to check them, you felt your heart swell with pride in him. 

_6\. Jean Kirschtein  
7\. Marco Bodt_

You were happy for them. They had never wanted anything more than to join the Military Police together, and now there was nothing in the world that could stop them.

But still. Your name hadn't come up yet.

Your heart thundered in your chest.

_8\. Connie Springer  
9\. Sasha Braus_

Eight. Nine.

You were too busy feeling intense dread from in your chest to feel happy for them. Your friends. Eight and nine.

Ten?

One spot left.

Only one more chance for you to join the Military Police.

One more chance for you to have an excuse to join the Scouting Legion instead.

The deciding number. Ten.

A forest green cloak flashed in your mind. 

You heaved a heavy breath, eyes trained just below the paper. You weren't sure you were brave enough yet to look. You weren't sure you'd ever be brave enough.

You felt someone's hand grip your own tightly.

You didn't have to turn your head to know who it was. His touch, his warmth, his presence; they were enough to give you the strength and courage to lift your eyes one last time.

_10\. [Name] [Surname]_

~

That night, you shattered the mirror to pieces.


	11. Stars

[[Songstamp: 'This Place Is A Shelter']](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBM8_8DnPDo)

Stars.

_Promise me..._

_you'll see the stars..._

You couldn't remember the last time you had actually taken a moment to appreciate the stars.

Amelia's voice rung eerily in your mind, a broken record, a reminder of times and memories that hadn't been awakened in what seemed like years. You could see her as clearly as if she had died yesterday. Her tiny frame and slender face, usually graced with one of her signature grins. Her long hair, so much like yours, matted with dirt and grime from the dank alleys and passageways of the Undercity where you grew up. Her brilliant, distinctive eyes. The same shade you saw when you looked at yourself in the mirror in the small hours of the morning. When you weren't sure if it was your eyes or hers that stared at you, accusatory, judging.

Your hands were folded behind your head, body stretched out flat on the grass. You stared straight up, at everything and nothing in particular. Millions, billions of tiny lights winked at you in the darkness from their perches in the heavens. You could hear the song of the crickets surrounding you, loud and quiet at the same time. The summer heat had held on from the day, but a cool breeze brushed delicately over your skin like silk. 

You had never quite gotten used to experiencing such peace. You would sneak out of the dorm at night before to experience this serenity from time to time, but you realized that tonight would be your last chance to do so as a cadet, and you wanted to savor it while you could. You didn't know much of above ground Sina, but you were fairly certain that grass was not as commonly seen there as it was here in the outskirts of Wall Rose. Much of Sina was industrialized, and over a decade of living underground all of it had certainly taught you to appreciate small miracles of nature like this and given you a different outlook upon it than your fellow soldiers.

The soldiers you would be _graduating_ with tomorrow.

After tomorrow, you would be riding into Wall Sina to join the Military Police. Fulfilling the dream that you had had for so many long years. The single end goal of three long years of sweat, blood, and even occasional tears. The realization of the promise that you had made to Amelia that day in the Capital.

Tomorrow was the day. Graduation.

Tomorrow was the culmination of all of your suffering. The day that you would move on from this miserable, tedious phase of your life and live in the splendorous shadow of the King.

And you weren't ready. Yet you had to be. There was no other choice.

No real one, anyway.

If you had not made top ten, it would have been almost easy to join the Legion. No one would really have questioned it, and your decision would have been made for you. The Garrison Regiment is relatively safe, sure, but you weren't going to settle for spending the rest of your life sitting atop the wall, sipping on your twentieth beer of the late morning. There is no dignity and no chance to evolve or make a difference there.

But now, you had two choices: the Military Police or the Scouting Legion. And the Military Police is far too good an opportunity to pass up. You did not have the strength to join the Scouts now.

In some different world, maybe you would have been brave enough. In another world, maybe you would have followed him. The two of you would have gone together, fought together, even died together. In another world, another life, you would have been free to love him without fear. In another world.

Under the shelter of the night sky, alone with your thoughts and the crickets, it was easy to imagine such a world.

You closed your eyes and let the symphony envelope you in its soothing embrace.

~

Eren sighed, staring out the window of the boy's dormitory from his bunk.

This next day would be his last day in this dormitory. In this headquarters. His last day with the other trainees. His friends. His brothers and sisters.

His last day with you.

His heart hurt just thinking about it. He distracted himself by looking further out the window.

Each time he saw the stars that you loved so much, he thought of you. They reminded him of you in so many ways. They each shone like a tiny bird of fire, soaring eternally into the twilight. Once everything was said and done and the sun had gone, it was their time to shine. And then, the stars proved themselves to be the most beautiful of all.

Eren knew that he would fall in love with you from the first morning he met you, on the roof of that shitty old market store three years ago. Your eyes told a thousand stories, some of sadness, some of determination, some of beauty. Your hair glimmered like strands of a precious metal, some pieces falling into your face, barely obscuring the infinity of your irises. Something about your face made his soul light up like sky tonight, graced with tiny, little flames, far off in the distance.

The stars really were beautiful tonight.

After that morning, he felt strangely compelled to be close to you. But each time he tried, you pushed him away with such force that he got whiplash. As much as he wanted to hate you, though, he could never bring himself to do it. So he kept getting closer and closer, and then one day, you just... stopped pushing. Even if you wouldn't let him see what was under that hard shell, you let him care for you. And that, for Eren, was enough.

You had always stood like a girl, a woman, who had seen the worst of the world and was not afraid of it. Eren wanted to show you all the good there was in the world, so that your shoulders would no longer ache under the weight of a past that he knew nothing of. He wanted to show you vast bodies of water, laden with highly coveted salt. He wanted to show you rivers of fiery water, fields of ice, and rocks so tall it takes days to climb them. He wanted to show you all the amazing things the world had to offer. And he was not going to stop until he did.

But tomorrow was his last day with you until then.

His eyes lit up with a fresh determination as he stared off into the night, planning the future the two of you would be able to share once he got rid of the titans, once and for all.

After all...

Eren knew he would love you from the day he met you. He might have even fallen in love with you right then. And he knew, beyond all doubt, that he would love you until the day he died, and even then, he would keep on loving you.

~

The next morning came and went uneventfully.

You woke up, showered, changed, and went to sit with your friends at breakfast as usual. It was different, though. Quieter. Even Sasha's normal loud chewing (or inhaling) sounds were not to be heard. In fact, the bottomless pit herself seemed to have lost her appetite.

It was the last breakfast you would all eat together as the 104th Cadet Corps.

The morning passed solemnly. You all boarded the dozens of carriages, without even a single minute of mandated conditioning, and rode into Trost center before the sun had even come up.

You shook silently next to the people who had been your only family for three years.

Never had the stars seemed colder to you than they did that morning.


	12. You Can't Run Forever

The heat of two hundred bodies beat down upon your skin like the sun in the dark, each standing at attention individually, hands fisted over their hearts. The fire of their honor was contagious, and even you had to admit, even if you felt a little sick from the overbearing heat and humidity, you were proud of yourself.

You stood in the front, with the rest of the top ten. The end of the line of the most elite of the 104th Cadet Corps.

Graduation was here. And it was almost over.

In five minutes, you would be a soldier.

You couldn't see the faces of your comrades very well. You were all illuminated by only firelight from the surrounding torches as Shadis' voice rang out over the field, saying the words that some of your number had died in the attempt to hear.

Finally, he was nearing the end of his speech. He began calling out names, one by one, and they all came up to the stage, fisted their right hand over their heart, and said their oath. You were ridden with excitement and nerves and a tiny bit of nausea, but eventually, he called your name. You walked as steadily as you could up to the stage, ascending the stairs with careful steps. The last thing you needed was to trip or collapse on your way over to say your oath. They'd probably kick you out of the military on principal.

Finally, you stood in front of your instructor, and saluted with as much force as you could muster.

_"I swear to Maria, to Rose, and to Sina to dedicate my heart and life to the betterment of humanity."_

You slowly returned to your spot in the front row, glowing with pride. You watched the rest of the soldiers swear their hearts, and then finally, it was done. Shadis looked over all of you with a strange expression on his face.

"The past three years have been as meaningful, and sometimes as _trying_ for me as it has been for all of you." You could hear a few soft chuckles from the trainees as they remembered some of the more difficult days when Shadis was ready to strangle each and every one of you. "But here you stand before me, true soldiers at last. I am honored to say that I have taken part in your journeys."

All the former-cadets stared at their instructor affectionately. Sure, you had your suspicions that he had grown rather fond of you all, but he had never spoken anything similar to such praise out loud. Shadis cleared his throat, and saluted the group of young adults.

"You are now officially soldiers. Congratulations. You will choose your factions tomorrow. You are dismissed." He departed the stage.

Like releasing a great breath, all the cadets slowly broke out of formation and began congratulations, laughing and slapping each other on the back. The sound of milling soldiers surrounded you, and you began grinning just as your knees began to feel like jelly.

_Uh oh._

You felt a hand grip your shoulder tightly and turned to meet a pair of beaming, green eyes.

"Congratulations, [Name]," he said quietly, still smiling.

You returned his expression weakly. "You too, Eren. We made it."

He nodded in agreement. "We made it. Finally."

You looked at him fondly, faltering in your stance.

_How embarrassing! I can't even stand up!_

You gave him as friendly a grin as you could muster. "Yeah. Finally. Why don't you go find Armin and Mikasa? I have something I need to do."

Eren's eyes widened ever so slightly, and he looked a little hurt, but brushed it off easily enough. "Yeah, okay... I'll see you later, right?" he asked hopefully.

You gave him a reassuring smile. "Of course. I'll see you later."

He squeezed your shoulder once before departing, finding his friends like you had suggested. You congratulated a few of the other soldiers you had become friends with over the years, but you found the crowd to be generally overwhelming and ended up making a beeline to the very edge of the group of people. You felt more than a little bit light-headed now, and needed to be alone for a few minutes.

You weren't sure anymore if it was just the heat, or if you were going to have a panic attack about selecting a branch tomorrow. You slid down against the wall until you hit the floor, dropping your head into your hands.

After a few minutes, a light sprinkling of rain began, so everyone slowly began to make their way down the street towards the hall where you would all have your graduation feast. You hung back, not particularly wanting to get stuck in the crowd again, but relishing the feeling of the cool water upon you.

The rain began falling harder, and what before felt refreshing had become as overwhelming as the crowd. You stood up and began to make your way to the hall as well.

You didn't make it very far. Your traitorous legs collapsed on you, and you began to fall forward, towards a puddle. Right into a pair of warm, strong arms.

"Deja-vu, huh?"

You smiled at the familiar voice, letting him help you up. "Yeah. Still haven't quite gotten used to this kind of heat yet."

Eren chuckled. "We've been training out in the sun for three years and you're still not used to it?"

You smiled sheepishly. "It's a different kind of heat when you're in a crowd. It's overwhelming."

He nodded, understanding. "I know what you mean. Come on, let's head over to the feast before we drown in this rain. I'll help you."

You gave him a grateful look as he pulled your arm around his neck, wrapping his own arm around your waist and helping you along the alley.

It felt so much like when he caught you that first night in the military three years ago. So much had changed since then, but they two of you were still here.

"We haven't changed at all," you remarked, contrary to your previous thoughts.

"Hm?" he responded absentmindedly.

"We really haven't. We're the same people. Just different."

Eren laughed loudly at that, eyebrow raised. "I don't know if I would say that. The first time I met you, I honestly thought you would bite my head off if I said the wrong word. I was afraid sometimes that I'd bite off yours."

You considered this. "That's fair, I guess."

"Also, you haven't yet threatened to kill me if I tell anyone you fainted."

Your face reddened in anger and you frowned. "I did not faint, idiot. And I only don't say it anymore because I thought it was an unspoken understanding."

"That it is," he conceded, laughing. "But we've grown, as people. I used to want to kill you sometimes, and I imagine you must have felt the same. Now I..." he stopped abruptly, turning ahead and continuing to walk.

"You what?" you asked, struggling to get a look at his face.

"Nothing. Never mind," he responded brusquely.

You furrowed your brow, but recognized the tone of his voice when you weren't going to get any more out of him. "Okay."

His expression softened and he sighed. "Just... thank you."

Now you were confused. "What for?"

He chuckled softly. "Nothing in particular."

You looked at him mischievously. "Are you drunk already? We're not even at the feast yet!"

He glanced at you with bright eyes. "Don't be dumb. Just forget it."

You leaned on his arm, sighing. "Well, whatever it is, I'm happy to have been of service."

He looked at you fondly and smiled. "Let's get out of this rain."

~

You laughed, throwing back another mug of some substance that had a very bitter taste and a name you couldn't care less about. As it turns out, food was what you needed to shake off your nausea. It was the graduation feast, and you were sitting with all of your friends, probably for the last time. Some of them were joining the Military Police with you, of course; namely Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, Jean, Marco, Connie, and Sasha. Some were joining the Garrison: Mina, Christa, Ymir, Hannah, and the rest of the soldiers. And then there were the few joining the Scouting Legion. Mikasa, Armin, and Eren.

The boy himself threw back his head beside you and laughed loudly at something Jean had said. You were shocked that the two were getting along so well at the moment; they usually had a volatile friendship at best. But it seems tomorrow's decision was cowing them into behaving themselves, just for this last night.

Every time you thought about the fact that tomorrow Eren would be headed out for the Scouting Legion, you felt sick to your stomach again.

"What do you think, [Name]?" Eren asked. You looked up. Eren had a napkin with a tiny drawing of a horse on it. He was holding it up next to Jean's frowning (a bit forced, you noticed) face. "Can't you see the resemblance?"

You chuckled, taking the napkin from him. "Shut up, idiot."

Eren faked being shot in the heart, groaning. "You wound me!"

"See, Eren!" Jean said smugly. "She's on my side!"

You smiled sweetly. "I said no such thing, horseface."

Jean stuck his tongue out at you.

While it made you happy to see the boys somewhat getting along, you still felt that underlying tension. Trying to ignore it, you swallowed back the last of your nausea and tore off a piece of your bread with your teeth and simply enjoyed the time you were spending with your friends.

~

Later that night, you, Eren, and the others were walking through the streets of Trost district in the persistent rain, still talking and joking. Sasha and Connie were hand-in-hand, Jean and Marco were whispering to themselves, and Ymir was giving Christa a piggy-back ride (she was letting Christa use her jacket as a kind of umbrella). Mikasa and Armin were talking (Armin was talking a bit louder than usual - you imagined he had had a little too much to drink). Eren remained close by your side.

Eventually, you and Eren had begun to fall back and the others ended up far ahead of you, hurrying to get out of the rain. You didn't mind being in the rain with Eren, and judging by the content look on his face, neither did he. You both walked comfortably in silence for a few moments. You heard him clear his throat beside you, and he stopped walking. You halted beside him.

"About earlier," Eren started, facing straight ahead still. "When I thanked you?"

You smiled and bumped into his side lightly. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I understand if you don't."

"No," Eren said firmly, still looking away. "I want to."

You looked at him then, your curiosity overwhelming you. The others were finally too far ahead for you to see them. The rain beat heavily on the pavement around you. "Okay."

Eren took a deep breath, turning to face you. "I wanted to say -"

Then you heard it.

A scuffling sound and a splash from a nearby alley, followed by a pained, high pitched grunt.

You and Eren both froze, looking into the darkness. You felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and a chill completely unrelated to the cold of the rain wrack through your body. Things that hadn't been awakened in years came to life inside you.

It felt so familiar.

It had been so long.

If there was one thing you had learned from the childhood you had, it was that sounds like that coming from dark places never meant anything good.

It meant someone was in trouble.

You jumped into action before Eren could react, running quietly into the dark alley, trying to avoid making as much noise as possible.

Finally, you came out into a small circle of light cast by a single torch mounted on the wall of the alley.

What you saw there made you sick.

A man had a woman... a girl held by her hair and was pressing her face into a puddle of water forcefully. Her tears mingled with the rain, but she seemed to have been knocked into a daze, so she kept silent. Her dress was being pulled up past her waist, and the soldier behind her was about to... you couldn't even think about it.

You saw red.

_Stop this!_

"Stop," you snarled.

The man (a military policeman, you noticed with disgust) looked up at you quickly, eyes flashing. When he saw you standing there, he got up off the girl, throwing her aside like trash. She snapped out of her daze then, looking up at you, eyes wide, before running off down the alley. The man didn't even spare her a second glance.

Eren came up beside you, taking in the scene with a look of shock on his face. 

The man's disgusting mouth curled into a smile as he fixed his pants. His graying hair was slicked back over a receding hairline. The light of the nearby torch reflected off his shiny, balding head.

You remembered.

_**"So tell me, little thief, whatever possessed you to think that stealing above ground was a good idea?"** _

The man chuckled, walking towards you.

_**"You've raised quite the uproar with your little antics. Stolen a lot of important things from important people. Normally, we wouldn't bother arresting some street rat from the underground, but you... you're special.** _

Eren growled, protectively pushing you behind him. You were too much in horror notice.

_**"Aww... what bright eyes. I'm not sure I've ever seen such a [eye color]... awfully quiet, aren't we, thief?** _

Him. It was _him_.

You wanted to scream, but couldn't.

_**"Where did you get this, thief?"** _

Eyes like stale water stared at you, accusatory, and his tight, thin lips uttered a single word that put ice in your blood.

"You."

It was then that you realized.

You can't run forever.


	13. Flight

_You can't run forever._

"You."

Your heart stopped.

Him. It was _him_.

It had been almost five years since you'd seen him. You could remember that day as clearly as if it were yesterday. That was the day that changed everything.

_It was a hot day in the Undercity. You were just about to steal dinner for you and Amelia when her voice rang out across the market._

_"[Name], he saw you! Run,_ run _!"_

_You turned and fled, but the officer she had been alerted to was close in pursuit. While you were trying to squeeze through an alley and escape from him, he caught the satchel of supplies strapped to your back. You were captured._

_"Aww... what bright eyes. I'm not sure I've ever seen such a [eye color]."_

_"Where did you get this, thief?"_

_He was interested in your ring. You were about as trapped as you'd ever been. But Amelia was there. Amelia was always there. She dropped a rock on him from above, knocking him unconscious. You escaped, but lost your supply satchel._

_She was killed above ground by another Military Policeman the very next day while trying to find you new supplies._

_You watched it happen._

_You slit the officer's throat._

You thought you had finally been freed of your past.

Oh, how wrong you were.

Pale, thin lips peeled back into an ominous smirk. "Long time, no see, little thief. I could never forget those eyes. Especially with that same look of fear."

"Asshole," Eren snarled, beginning to move towards him. He stopped dead in his tracks when a gun he didn't notice before clicked and was aimed right at his forehead.

"I wouldn't, boy."

"Don't!" you yelled in panic.

The officer looked at you and laughed, lazily rotating the gun so it was facing you now.

"Don't you fucking dare," Eren hissed, angrier than you'd ever seen him.

You wanted to run but you couldn't force your muscles to move. It felt like your clothing, wet with the rain, was so heavy that you might just sink into the ground if you stood still for too long. You couldn't believe this was happening. You couldn't. You stared at him like a spooked deer, hearing his words, seeing the gun, but not registering.

"I told them that other girl wasn't the one. That she was your accomplice. She was too young to be you. That you had the Fritz family insignia on your thieving little finger," he snarled. "They told me I was crazy, that I took that 'falling brick' a little too hard. Almost lost my job over it," he said, taking a step in your direction. "I always did think it was strange how that officer was killed after the girl had been shot in the stomach. How bloody footsteps led away from the scene!" he yelled hoarsely. "Kinda hard to manage killing someone with those kinds of injuries and then going for a walk and finally keeling over where you began. Or shooting someone with a slit throat. I told them, there was another. I told them there was an accomplice. But she looked so much like you, no one would listen to me."

Your heart jumped back to life all in the space of a second when you noticed the crazed look in the officer's eyes, and you started to back away slowly.

"No," was all you could manage to say.

"I see you still have the ring, little thief. Or... should I call you 'murderer'?" he sneered, voice lowering dangerously, stepping closer, gun still aimed.

You shook your head, fear rising in your throat. "No!"

You felt the wetness on your cheeks and wondered if it was tears or rain.

_This can't be happening..._

"[Name]?"

You had nearly forgotten he was there. Your head snapped in Eren's direction as he stepped protectively in front of you. He stared the officer down, a mixed look of confusion and anger marring his face, his hair hanging in front of his eyes in the rain.

He couldn't find out... not like this.

"Eren, please go..." you pleaded weakly.

"Oh, so that's your name, murderer? How pretty," cooed the officer, also remembering boy's presence. "Stay, boy. Let me tell you a story about your little killer here," he offered with a sickening cackle.

Eren's face contorted into a look of rage. "Shut the _fuck_ up, pig."

"Yeah, she's a feisty one. Stealing priceless heirlooms and slitting the throats of grown men before her fifteenth year."

Eren's eyes widened slightly and he looked at you over his shoulder.

You looked at him despairingly, desperately trying to make him understand. "He shot her," you choked out, trying to explain. You couldn't find the words.

"Shot who?" Eren asked, eyebrows furrowing.

"She was a thief!" the officer bellowed from behind Eren, stepping closer still.

"She was a starving, little girl!" you shot back, finally tearing your gaze from Eren's green one.

"She was a criminal! You are a criminal! You're going to get what's coming to you, just like that little _bitch_ got what was coming to her."

You froze, only for a split second. Your panic drained away like water and you felt your entire being fill with pure, unbridled rage. You were on him before he could even shoot his gun. It clattered harmlessly to the ground and skidded into a dark corner.

"How dare you! You fucking - _bastard_!" you screamed, swinging your fists at him repeatedly. You vaguely noticed his jaw appeared significantly more crooked now, and blood streamed from his mouth and nose. You didn't care. You kept going, fueled by five years of repressed emotion.

You were going to kill him.

You _wanted_ to kill him.

You felt hands wrap around your biceps and lift you up off the policeman. In your anger, you turned and threw a punch at your new assailant.

You felt, more than saw, Eren's eyebrow burst open upon impact and begin to bleed.

You immediately halted your attack and Eren's arms dropped to his sides in shock, one hand reaching up to touch his recently bloodied brow.

You looked from Eren's face to the man on the ground. The officer was no longer recognizable, and you couldn't tell if he was still alive, although you were sure he was. His face had been beaten to a bloody, swollen pulp, but nothing looked fatal.

Tears still flowed uncontrollably down your face and you looked down. Your hands stung in pain and were stained red. Whose blood it was, you didn't know nor care.

 _What have I done?_ you though miserably. You had surrounded yourself in blood and violence just hours before you were finally going to be free from it. Now, you thought, you were going to drown in it.

"...[Name]." Eren's voice was gentle, and he reached out a hand to you. "[Name]. It's okay."

_It's okay?_

_It's not okay._

_It will never be._

_Why is this happening now?_

Maybe it was instinct. Maybe it was a habit from years and years of growing up in the slums. You weren't sure what your official excuse was. All you knew was that you were afraid. You fled before Eren even knew what was happening.

~

Eren watched you go with a look of fear on his face.

"What the hell is she doing?" he yelled, turning around in place, looking over the mess you had made of the officer. The man groaned weakly, and Eren kicked him in the ribs once in his anger. He retrieved his gun and tucked it away in his belt so that the asshole wouldn't be able to crawl off and find it himself.

He wanted to run off right now and find you himself, but he knew that you were one of the fastest runners in the Corps and he wouldn't stand a chance alone. He ran out the alley and down the main road in the direction they had initially been headed. After a few minutes of running, he caught up to the rest of the group.

"Mikasa! Armin! Guys!"

They all stopped and turned in place, looking at Eren in surprise.

Mikasa spoke first as Eren finally reached them. "Eren? Where have you been? What happened to your face? Where's [Name]?"

Eren looked up from resting his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. "She's in trouble. She took off. We need to find her."

Reiner looked shocked. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't fucking know!" he yelled exasperatedly. Reiner looked taken aback, but Eren figured he could apologize later. "We don't have time. We need to find her."

"Where did she leave from?" Armin asked.

Eren debated lying and leading them to a different place than the one with the unconscious policeman. But he was more worried about finding you than from keeping that a secret.

"Follow me."

He jogged back the way he came with the other soldiers in tow. When they arrived at the gory mess that was the officer, several of them gasped. Reiner let out a quiet 'damn'.

"She went that way," Eren said, crumpling against the wall to catch his breath once more.

"Jean, you grew up in Trost, right?" Armin asked. Jean nodded. "Alright, then, you can go ahead and circle around all the main roads back to this point. Marco, go with him."

The two of them nodded, Marco looking at Eren nervously. While Armin was assigning roles to the other soldiers, Marco came up to him nervously. Eren never even looked up, head in his hands.

"Did she ever tell you?"

Eren looked up from his spot on the ground to glare at the freckled boy. "Tell me what?"

Marco sat down next to him, back against the wall. "She's not from Jinae."

Eren scoffed. "Yeah, I gathered that much."

Marco was silent for a moment. "During the first year of training, I noticed that she couldn't read," he explained. "I didn't understand how someone her age didn't know. When I asked her about it, she told me she grew up in the Underground District and the only way for her to get into the Military was to say she was from someplace else. They don't allow people from the Underground into the Military."

Eren looked up in shock. "She lived in the Underground District?"

Marco nodded sadly. "All her life." He thought for a second. "I shouldn't have said anything, but it might help you find her. Just... when you do, be kind. She had a hard childhood, and... well, it's not my place to tell you."

Eren scowled. "Tell me what?"

Marco shook his head. "I can't, Eren, I'm sorry. She will tell you, when she's ready. For right now, though, you need to find her."

" _We_ need to find her, you mean?"

"Oh, I doubt she'll let herself be found my anyone but you," Marco said with a kind smile, squeezing Eren's shoulder before departing with Jean.

~

_It feels strange to be wearing shoes._

That thought, above all others, was the one foremost in your mind as your ran through Trost District. You didn't know where you were going, or why you were going there. All you knew was that you had to get away, at all costs.

_How familiar. Just like when I was a kid. Except, now I'm wearing shoes._

That silly thought may have made you laugh on another day, but you felt now like you would never be able to laugh again.

Your feet pounded through the darkened streets, and it had begun to rain again. Water splashed up around you, and you were soaked to the skin. You hoped absentmindedly that you wouldn't get sick.

You scolded yourself once again for such a dumb thought. Would it really matter now if you got sick?

Your life was over anyway.

He knew. Eren knew, the whole military was about to know. That policeman, if he was even still alive, would be sure to have you arrested. Everything you worked for... everything you lived for. Gone in a second.

But you saved that girl. You couldn't bring yourself to regret that. You'd known girls who had been at the mercy of the MP. It destroyed some of them.

You'd be able to live with that thought, at least.

With that thought, you kept running.

~

It wasn't long before you finally collapsed from exhaustion.

You weren't sure how long it had been since you left Eren. A few hours. It must have been almost morning by now.

You finally slowed your pace and collapsed next to a pile of junk in some forgotten back alley.

The rain pounded down upon your body, washing away the last of the dried blood on your knuckles.

You heaved in a breath, catching up on air that you had been lacking the last several hours. You turned your head up to the sky, feeling the droplets hit your face and slide into your clothes. You let your head fall back down.

_Just keep moving and you won't have to think about it... just keep moving..._

As you began to stand up, you saw it.

You could feel your heart sink and you fell back onto your heels. A figure stood at the end of the alley where you were.

The figure stood tall enough that it could be any man without being distinct. He was breathing heavily, clearly having pursued you. Slowly, he collected himself and started your way.

You would have hid further into the trash if it was at all possible. Even if it was, the man had clearly seen you and you had nowhere left to go. Nothing to do, but to wait.

Then, in a flash of lightning, you saw them.

Green eyes.

You weren't sure whether to feel relief or more panic. Eren was here, and now he knew what you were. Thief, killer. You could hardly expect him to be as understanding as Marco, especially considering you'd hidden your past from him for three years. Three years that had meant everything to you.

What would he say?

What would he _do_?

Finally, Eren stood not six feet from where you were huddled. You tentatively stood up, legs shaking with fear and exhaustion and observed him cautiously. Blood had been smeared and partially dried on the side of his face and forehead, but most of it had been washed away. He was still breathing very heavily. But what bothered you most was his face.

You had never seen Eren so...

You didn't know.

~

Eren stomped over to your position at the wall, grabbing your shoulder and pushing you up against the brick roughly. He was furious. He didn't think he'd ever been so furious in his life.

He had told himself he would listen to Marco and be kind and understanding. But as soon as he saw you, as soon as he could stop worrying about whether or not you were still alive, his concern was replaced with anger and frustration.

How could you be so stupid?

How could you have run away like that? You could have been killed, or captured, or frozen to death in this godforsaken rain... and why didn't you trust him? After all this time, why did you still not trust him?

He wanted to hit you, or scream at you, or turn around and walk away and never look back again.

But Eren knew... he would never be able to do any of those things.

So he did the next logical thing. He grabbed your face and yanked you towards him and kissed you as passionately as he could.


	14. The Calm Before The Storm

You blinked. And blinked again.

_What?_

Your first thought was how close he was. You had been close to him before, sure, but never _this_ close. His nose was pressed to your cheek right below your right eye, and you could make out each individual eyelash, even in the dull lighting of the early morning. His eyes were closed, shut tight. You noticed a rain drop fall from one of his eyelashes and then felt it slide down your cheek.

Huh. Strange.

One of his hands still cupped the back of your head, but one had dropped to your waist. You felt him tighten his hold there, and pull you closer, off the wall.

You felt a strange pressure on your lips, but couldn't identify it.

Then, all the pieces fell together in your head all at once.

_Oh._

Without thinking, your eyes fell shut and you automatically pressed back against him.

You still weren't quite sure what was happening but... you didn't dislike it.

Your arms slid up his torso and wrapped around his neck. Seeing your responsiveness, he backed you up against the wall once more, hand now threading in your hair. He bit your lower lip gently, and somehow, you knew what he wanted, and you let him explore your mouth. Your hand fisted in his hair, and turned your head a bit more to allow him more access.

He growled lowly into your mouth, kissing you harder. You let three years of unknowingly wanting this rule your actions, and you matched his every move. Everything was Eren. His hands, his chest, his mouth. He pervaded all of your senses, your every thought. And suddenly, you were disappointed that this didn't happen sooner. You weren't sure it could ever happen again.

Eventually, after you both had long since run out of breath, he pulled back, kissing your forehead and resting his chin there.

You both stood for a moment in silence, arms around one another, his head resting on yours.

You were afraid of what might run through your mind if you allowed your thoughts to catch up with your body. You knew you should try to explain yourself, or feel guilty, or sad, or angry. Instead, you just felt anxious. Not for the fact that, dear lord, Eren had just kissed you. Or for the fact that it was the first time anyone had kissed you, ever. No, nothing like that. You were anxious because of his utter silence.

After everything that had happened, you'd expected he'd have something to say. Anything, really. Eren had never been the silent type, and this was... a big deal. You'd hidden your past from him for years and it suddenly all comes pouring out of the seams all at once and hits him in the face like a tidal wave, and Eren is silent. 

It wasn't like him.

"Say something," you whispered against his neck, pleadingly.

He was silent for a few more seconds, and the air around the two of you was very still. You could feel his muscles freeze against your skin.

Half a minute passed in tension.

Finally, his exhale ruffled your hair slightly. "Don't ever do that to me again," he breathed, pulling you tighter.

You hugged him tighter. "You don't hate me?"

"I could never hate you."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. If he was going to accept you, you needed him to understand. "I'm a killer, Eren."

He was quiet again for a few seconds.

"Mikasa's parents were murdered by human traffickers when we were small. They took her. I... went after them. I killed two. She killed the third. I was nine."

You almost couldn't believe what he was telling you, but by the tone of his voice, you knew he was telling the truth.

"We do crazy things when people, even someone we've never met, are in danger. We act immediately and we act extremely. Sometimes, an immediate and extreme response is necessary. All we can do is accept what happened and use it to make us stronger."

You were stunned into total silence by how... mature he sounded. In all three years you'd known him, you weren't sure 'mature' could have described him. But he had seen a lot of the world, too. For the first time, you thought you might have found someone who understood the condition of the world as well as you did.

But he was wrong about this.

"We're not the same, Eren. My sister was already dead. I wasn't saving anyone."

Eren nodded. "But you removed his threat. He won't kill a child ever again."

You weren't completely sure about his words, but they comforted you in a small way. You nuzzled into his shirt affectionately. "Thank you, Eren."

"I haven't done anything," he replied.

You leaned back and kissed his chin lightly. "You're here. That's enough."

You stood for another minute, just wishing you could ignore the rest of the day and stay there with him. Unfortunately, you couldn't. Today was your last day.

Eren pulled back, arms falling to his side as he yawned. "We should... probably get going. We have to choose our faction in an hour or two. It's already morning," he pointed out.

You nodded, observing the sky. "I'm sorry," you said. "You didn't get any sleep."

"Are you serious?" Eren said. "I wasn't going to get any sleep anyway. Too much to think about."

"No kidding," you agreed.

Eren nodded. "I've already spoken with the others. They'll vouch that the officer was... assaulting that girl and harassing us. You have nothing to worry about. He'll lose his job and be arrested, and you'll be heading off to the Interior before nightfall," he said, with a forced smile.

Your gaze fell to the ground. "Yeah. The Military Police."

He fell awkwardly silent before gently grabbing your forearm. "Come on. We should go get fresh uniforms. We're covered in dirt and blood."

"Yeah," you agreed. "Let's go."

You made your way through the backstreets of Trost District back towards the Cadet Corps headquarters. The silence was deafening. Then you remembered something.

"I'm sorry about your face," you said sheepishly as you walked.

He laughed. "I never thought my face was _that_ bad..."

You snorted, and elbowed him lightly. "You know what I mean, idiot."

He smiled at you gently. "Don't worry about it, really. I've had worse. You throw one hell of a punch, though." He thought a moment. "[Name], let me see your hands."

"No, it's fine, really -" you started before he let the thought get any further.

"[Name]," Eren repeated lowly.

You sighed and offered him one of your hands. He sucked in a breath at the sight of your knuckles, raw and bloody from the repeated impact of the soldier's face from just a few hours earlier. "We need to clean this immediately."

"Eren, please -"

He pulled your hand to his face, turning it out and kissing your palm. "Let me take care of you, [Name]. Please."

Your face flushed a furious red, and you looked down. "Fine," you said reluctantly. "If it will make you feel better."

"Yeah, you were really hard to convince," he said cockily. "Eren one, [Name] zero," he said, lacing his fingers with your sore ones.

You laughed, and the two of you made the rest of the way to HQ without saying much of anything important.

_He doesn't care about my past._

You absentmindedly laughed at some stupid comment Eren made about Shadis almost expressing actual affection for the cadets at the graduation ceremony.

_He still cares about me._

You greeted Jean and Marco as you entered the compound. You thanked them for their concern and their help with the situation from the night before.

_I think I love him._

At the doorway to the headquarters, Mikasa and Armin came over to check on you. Eren asked if he could fill them in. You nodded, not seeing any reason why you shouldn't trust them. Instead, you just felt guilty that you didn't trust them sooner. He squeezed your hand before you entered the building with him to clean up your injured knuckles.

Somehow, unbelievable, you smiled. Really smiled.

You'd been broken for so long, you'd forgotten what it felt like to be whole.

~

Eren had gone off to greet the arriving Scouting Legion with Mikasa and Armin, so you and Mina made your way up to the top of the gate to perform routine inspection on the cannons. The inspection was more for Mina and the others' benefit, as they would be joining the Garrison Regiment and it would become part of their daily routine. You and Connie tagged along, all the same.

Mina was awfully quiet most of the way there. Normally, you wouldn't mind the quiet. But, since it was Mina, you felt as though something was off.

"Is there something on your mind?" you asked gently.

She was quiet for another moment. "You know, when I met you, I was pretty scared of you. But I thought that, deep down, you were a really kind person, and I was right."

You raised an eyebrow. "Thanks? I think."

She nodded her head vigorously. "It's a good thing, I swear!"

You chuckled at her and turned your face forward. "So what's the matter then?"

Mina fell silent once more. "Well... you're leaving tonight. It will probably be last time I see you in a long, long time, if not ever."

You were stunned. "Mina, of course we'll still be able to see each other. We'll both be working inside the walls. We can see each other on days off."

"Actually..." Mina said, shyly. "I'm going to join the Scouts."

If you thought you were surprised before, it was nothing compared to how you felt now. "What?"

"I guess all of Eren's angry speeches finally got to me," she said sheepishly. "It was like he said when he and Jean fought the other night. As long as one person is still willing to fight, there is hope that we can win. And I want to win," she stated with more conviction than you'd ever heard in her voice.

"How long have you been thinking about this?" you asked.

"A while. But I just made the decision last night. I had to, I mean, we're choosing factions in an hour."

"Mina... it's so dangerous -" you began.

"I know," she interrupted. "That's why I want to say this now."

You watched her as you walked. "Okay."

"You might hide it really well, but I've been sleeping in the bed beneath yours for three years," she said. "And I know you're really a good person with a good heart. The Military Police has its faults, and I think that you're exactly the kind of person they need to set it right. In case I never see you again -"

"We _will_ see each other again," you said abruptly.

"I could die at any given moment, [Name]," Mina said solemnly. "Please, listen. In case I never see you again, I just want you to know that you're like a sister to me and I've always looked up to you. I wish you the best of luck, and I know you'll be amazing."

Your heart stung at her words, and for the first time you realized how much you really would miss her. "You, too, Mina. The Scouting Legion will be lucky to have someone like you."

Her face brightened. "Thank you, [Name]."

She stared at you for a few seconds with a mischievous look on her face. You began to feel uncomfortable.

"Mina, wha  - oof!"

Your words were cut off when she threw herself at you and wrapped you in a hug so tight you were shocked that someone of Mina's size could manage it.

"I'm going to miss you!" she yelled in your ear.

"Mina - ow! I'm gonna - ouch - miss you, too," you said, laughing, trying to pry her off of you.

Finally, your small group made their way to the cannons and began maintenance. Eren came up a bit later, looking to help with the cleaning.  You two looked at each other and awkwardly smiled for a moment before getting back to work.

"So, Connie, excited about leaving tonight for the interior?" Eren asked from his cannon.

Connie's expression was blank, but he didn't turn away from his task. "Actually, no. I'm not joining the Military Police."

Eren's eyes widened and he halted his actions. "Huh? Why the hell not?"

"I decided to join the Scouting Legion instead," Connie said gruffly.

"Connie! But you were so set on the Military Police..." you said.

"Yeah, I was... but... I changed my mind," he said defensively.

Mina laughed. "Sounds like your speeches won him over, too!"

Connie turned around with an indignant look on his face. "That's not it! I just... I... mind your business!" he yelled finally, turning back to his cannon.

"Don't worry, Connie. You're not the only one," came another voice.

You all turned to see Thomas and Samuel approaching the canons as well. Thomas smiled shyly.

"Thomas! You too?" Eren asked, surprised.

"Hey, guys," came another new voice, almost raspy, from the other side. You all turned to see Sasha standing there, looking very flushed. "Look what I managed to find in the officer's pantry!" she said excitedly, pulling a large slab of beef from within her jacket.

Your jaw dropped. _She didn't..._

"Oh, she did," Connie said tiredly, turning back to clean his cannon. You hadn't realized you'd spoken out loud.

"Are you looking to get arrested?" Eren asked aghast.

"Sasha, what is wrong with you!?" Samuel yelled in a hush.

"What isn't?" said Connie in a tired voice.

"Just think of the sandwiches!" Sasha said, ignorant of everyone's shock, openly salivating.

"Go put it back!" Thomas said.

"Yeah, meat's gotten really valuable after we lost all that land," Mina pointed out.

"Don't worry about," Sasha dismissed, bringing the meat over. "After we retake what's ours, we'll have tons of land to raise cattle on. There will be plenty of meat for everyone."

The group fell silent, and the air was tense.

Samuel looked like he was going to blow up. His cheeks were red and puffy, like he was holding something (you were afraid it was vomit) back. Then, it happened: "Then I will have some of the meat, too, please!"

Connie looked over at Samuel in alarm. "Hey! If he's having some, then so am I!"

Mina grinned. "I'll have some as well!"

Eren looked around and smiled. You couldn't help but grin, too.

"Come on, guys, we're not done yet. Let's get back to work," Samuel reminded as he returned to his cannon with a grin.

Eren looked out over Trost with a smile and closed his eyes. "Eight years have passed since the wall was broken. Humanity is finally regaining its dignity. We can win," he said with conviction, opening his eyes again with a fierce smile. "It's just beginning. Humanity didn't start this fight, but we're gonna finish it."

You were about to respond, but were halted. You weren't sure when you first felt that strange something stir in the wind. It just suddenly felt like the air just before a storm, or that stillness just before you let out a huge breath. It made your skin crawl, and your hair stand up on end. Whether from your nerves or static electricity, it didn't matter.

_**BANG!** _

An eruption nearly blew you off your feet.

A crack of thunder and a flash of lightning.

You looked up from your position of bracing yourself on your knees and felt all the life drain from your body.

You'd never seen one before. You only knew what they looked like through descriptions from people who had seen one and the illustrations of your instructor in the Cadet Corps. You weren't positive on what 15 meters tall looked like, or ten meters, or five. You were certain, however, that this was much, much more than that. You had never seen their smiling faces in your dreams as Eren had, because you had never had it burned into your consciousness.

You were sure now that you'd never dream of anything else.

The Colossal Titan's skinless face loomed over the wall not ten feet from where you stood. He was all ligament and muscle, and his massive, lipless teeth were bared in an eternal grimace. He was everything you had heard about but never imagined.

But the worst part was his eyes.

They were huge, at least as big as your whole body. They appeared almost... intelligent. Hints of something you couldn't identify flashed inside them. Something almost familiar. Then they swiveled toward you.

Three years of training didn't kick in.

You froze.


	15. Children At War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long to post, guys. I really will follow this through to the end, no matter how long it may take me. As a reward for your patience, have 5000+ words! Enjoy!
> 
> Next chapter is short and sad and should be up this weekend.

You froze.

And then you felt the burst of air and the sickening feeling of the ground sliding beneath your feet until it was no longer there at all. You watched the edge of the wall slip away from you as you fell. Something small and hard ricocheted off your forehead. A broken stone.

You remembered thinking how strange it was to see the sky from that angle, your feet above you, loose, wild hair obscuring your vision. There was a dull pain from your temple, but you hardly noticed it.

It was almost surreal. The blue of the sky was stunning. It looked like the perfect weather for a picnic. What a silly idea. Unfitting.

A voice jolted you from your musings.

"[Name]!" Eren nearly screamed, arms outstretched as if he might actually be able to reach you from twenty feet away, while activating his 3DMG and shooting towards you.

That was when you remembered.

You were a soldier. You were trained for this.

You quickly activated the ODM, firing both anchors into the stone of the wall. Your bones groaned as the wires yanked you to a sudden halt, tugging harshly at the straps wrapped around your waist. You saw the others do the same - all but one.

"Samuel's falling!" Connie shouted.

"I got him!" Sasha replied, releasing her anchors and pivoting, running vertically down the wall at an insane pace.

"What the hell are you doing?" you screamed.

Once she had gained substantial ground on the falling body, Sasha stopped, bracing herself with her boots on the stone. She fired one of her anchors into the top of the wall, halting her rapid descent, and then fired the other with astounding accuracy - straight through Samuel's calf. He stopped falling with a sickening _crack_ as the bone in his leg broke.

Sasha gritted her teeth anxiously, sweat dripping from her forehead. "Don't move, Samuel!" she called. You were unsure if he heard her. He appeared unconscious.

You were stuck in strange place between horror and admiration for your friend, but there were other, vastly more important things to worry about. You turned to Eren, chest heaving.

He hung beside you, and quickly reached out to hold your injured head gingerly in his hands. You vaguely noticed the blood dripping down over your eye. He turned you from left to right, assessing the injury.

"I'm fine, Eren," you said sharply, unfathomably annoyed by his concern.

He nodded, eyes dark. "Stay alive," he said. "Just... stay safe."

"Same to you," you said seriously, trying to communicate everything you couldn't say in that one sentence.

Eren blinked, nodding again, before bolting into action within the breadth of a second. He propelled up the wall, shouting, "Mounted Cannon Squad Four! Take out the Colossal Titan! This is our chance! _Don't let it slip away_!"

Connie seemed to finally realize what was actually going on, mouth falling open in horror, and Sasha was slowly making her way down to Samuel's prone form, trying not to jolt him for fear that he would come loose. Thomas and Mina just seemed to be in shock. No one was reacting. Eren was already gone.

It struck you then that you were still hanging there, too, jaw just as slack as the others.

The wall shuddered beneath your boots abruptly, and one of your anchors broke free with a volley of falling pebbles, knocking you down a few feet as you swung unevenly on a single wire. The rumbling stopped almost as soon as it started, but it left you with a horrible, constricting feeling deep in your chest.

"What the hell was that?" yelled Thomas shakily.

"I don't know," Mina replied, nerves tinting her voice.

That was when you heard it. The awful, gut-wrenching sound of hundreds of boulders falling to the ground beneath your feet. Like a single entity, the five of you still dangling on the wall looked downwards.

The Wall was breached.

Trost was being showered in boulders, crushed beneath their weight.

The District was going to fall.

Your heart leapt into your throat.

Finally, it all kicked in. "Soldiers!" you barked. "We have a job to do!"

Using your remaining anchor, you flew up the wall, landing nimbly on your feet atop it only to be met with thick, hot, overwhelming steam.

"Shit," you swore, coughing, already sweating through your uniform in the thick, gray air. You held an arm up to attempt and shield your eyes from the steam. "Eren!"

You heard him land beside you, breathing heavily. "He's gone!" he growled, livid. "Just like last time. I almost had him, and then he was just gone. In an instant!"

Your brows furrowed as the steam cleared in a short moment. Eren was right. Where the massive face stood not a minute ago was only the seemingly endless view of the interior of the fallen Wall Maria, littered with the telltale hulking masses that were the titans.

And they were all headed this way, towards the breach in the Wall.

"No," you gasped.

Eren swore, fuming. "I'm sorry. I couldn't kill him."

You looked at him with a mixture of sadness, panic, and anger. "Don't. You did more than any of us."

"Wallow on your own time," Connie yelled angrily, landing heavily beside you with the others. "In case you hadn't noticed, there's a breach. We have to act now! If they start pouring in, that's it!"

 _If they start pouring in...?_ you thought, horrified. _What happens then?_

_You know what happens then._

"Look alive!" yelled an unfamiliar voice behind you. "Operation Colossal Titan Response is in effect. I expect you to take part!" He was a Garrison soldier, perched on the edge of the wall, blades drawn. "Report to HQ. If you got close to the damn thing, we need details."

"Sir!" the six of you, freshly graduated soldiers, each shouted with a salute and wide eyes.

"We pray the advance team is victorious!" added Connie, hand fisted proudly over his heart.

The Garrison solider turned, nodding, and dove over the edge of the wall, activating his gear, and then was gone.

Eren turned to face his frightened comrades, severity painting his every feature.

"It's on. Let's go."

~

Once you reached the bottom of the Wall and sent Samuel off with a medic to receive aid and evac, you noticed that defenses had already been raised. Trenches had been prepared beforehand, in case of emergency, and barricades stood proud, ready to defend their city. You knew next to nothing about the last attack as you had been below ground and a hundred miles away at the time, but this at least was apparent - this time around, the soldiers of the Walls were ready.

You ran alongside your brothers- and sisters-in-arms, among the throng of people evacuating the district, dragging everything from children to satchels of provisions along behind them. A little girl clutched a doll as if her life depended upon it in one hand, and tightly grasped the hand of what you presumed was her mother in the other. Tears of fear and confusion streamed down her cheeks. You felt overwhelming pity for the Trost citizens - they were faced with losing the only home they'd ever known to hulking, man-eating monsters.

When not five minutes ago you'd been filled with only overwhelming dread, now you felt a purpose that burned as bright as what you'd been seeing in Eren's eyes for three years. You didn't understand how he felt exactly, not yet; but you were getting closer to that understanding.

 _Yes, these people face losing everything,_ you thought. _But they will not. Not if I can help it,_ you thought fiercely.

You looked around you at the other former trainees. You were surprised to see that all of them - Eren, Sasha, Connie, Mina, and Thomas - held back most of the fear on their faces. Instead, they all held a look of intense, unbreakable determination and walked with similar purpose to your own, to Eren's own. There was a little fear, of course, but they were unhindered. You were proud of them.

_We've trained for this. We're ready._

_I've always wanted to help people. This isn't what I had in mind, but now's the time. I won't let them down._

It didn't take long for the six of you to make it to the military HQ in Trost. And there was no way you could have gotten lost - you needed only to follow the people in uniform. Dozens, even hundreds of soldiers ran by you, or flew overhead with ODM gear.

"There's a lot of them," Mina said. "But where are the Scouts? They're the ones who are _really_ equipped to deal with this. Are we gonna do this alone? How can we?"

You noticed that she sounded more than a little afraid, but kept a straight face. You gripped her shoulder reassuringly. "Yes," you said. "We really are. And we're all going to get through this. I promise."

Mina smiled weakly at you then looked ahead again. "Yeah. We will," she said, more resolutely.

You all finally made it inside the inner courtyard of HQ where the soldiers of the 104th were gathering to receive their assignments. You were hoping that, for some reason, it would be Shadis issuing the orders. Unfortunately, the same Garrison soldier from before was looking over the group and reviewing a clipboard, calling out names. "Middle Guard, Sector Four, Private Marco Bodt, commanding Squadron 19, Privates Kirschtein, Kefka - Cadets! Go inside for a debriefing! Consult with Captain Dietrich."

You snapped a hard salute, passing your comrades and entering through the heavy wooden door that lead inside. You easily picked out the sandy-haired commanding officer, barking orders to a few younger Garrison troops. His fox-like eyes shifted to your group as you entered the building. You looked at Mina beside you. She returned your gaze.

You took a deep breath. "Let's get this over with."

~

Captain Ian Dietrich was disappointed that most of you had next to no information to offer him on the Colossal Titan, as you had all been blown off the wall immediately after catching only a glimpse of him. You explained about Samuel and the steam and the Wall shaking as it was breached, but very little in your story seemed to interest him. He cared only about the Colossal Titan, and the only one with any real info was Eren, as he had gotten much closer to it than anyone else. He stayed behind to consult with the Captain while you and the others were dismissed.

You were shortly after assigned to Squadron 34 under Eren Jaeger, consisting of yourself and Privates Mina Carolina, Armin Arlert, Millius Zermusky, Nack Tius, and Thomas Wagner. Middle Guard, Sector Two. While you were terrified of being so close to the breach, you were glad to have your friends with you. It was better to know that you would be fighting alongside people you knew rather than strangers or mere acquaintances. You knew each others' styles. To be honest, even just knowing each other made it easier.

After all fifty squads were assigned, you were dismissed to equip yourselves. You had one hour.

All the cadets darted around the supply depot, hurriedly trying to stock themselves as much as possible before everyone was dispatched to their sections while a Garrison soldier gave everyone a hasty pep talk.

"Out of the frying pan and into the fire, cadets! Time to put your training to work! I have faith that each of you will be a credit to your regiment!"

Then you were all finally left to your own preparations. There were whispers that the first titans had gotten to the Wall, but there was no word on how the front-line defense team was holding up.

You were afraid to find out.

You rotated in place, searching for your friends and your squad. You saw Franz and Hannah talking quietly in a corner before she threw herself into his arms and he held her tightly. Your heart went out to them. They were assigned to separate squads, if you remembered correctly.

Nack and Millius sat silently along the wall near the armory doors. You knew they had been friends for far longer than they'd been soldiers. What could you possibly say to someone in a situation like that?

There were countless other examples of the people who you were proud to call your comrades preparing for the fight, both physically and mentally, around you. Your heart was breaking. You prayed that all would make it to tomorrow alive.

But in reality, you knew that was a fool's hope. Many would die; perhaps even you. Your stomach clenched. You just wanted to appreciate being together one last time while you still could.

Finally, you found Eren, Mikasa, and Armin over by the gas tanks. Armin was on his knees, tank shaking heavily in his hands as he repeatedly tried and failed to hook it into his gear. It looked like Eren was trying to comfort him. You walked over.

"That huge boulder was our best bet, but we couldn't figure out how to hoist it in place!" Armin was shouting. "Unless we seal the breach, the entire city's as good as dead!" You noticed several other cadets looking over to where Armin was having a meltdown with a nervous look on their faces.  His words were getting to them. "How long do you think before they take Wall Rose? Seriously, _how long_? Think about it: if the mood strikes them, they could wipe out the human race in an afternoon!"

"Armin!" Eren shouted, grabbing the genius' arm and steadily guiding his hand to attach the tank. Armin quit fidgeting and glanced at his friend. "Listen to me. You're focused on the past. Look ahead! We're _not_ going to be the victims _anymore_."

There was silence as you finally reached Mikasa. She turned to look at you, but her eyes... they were filled with an unusual sadness.

Armin spoke up. "I'm sorry. I... I'm okay."

You stood behind them as an awkward silence fell over the four of you. You were afraid, more than afraid; but they knew what was coming. They knew better than anyone, and they were terrified, and that was something you would only understand if you came out of this fight alive. And there were no guarantees of that.

Eren noticed you were standing there and a look of worry fell on his features. "You doing okay?" he asked.

You nodded weakly, forcing a smile on your face. "I'm okay. Been better."

"We'll get through this," he reassured, standing straight and walking over to you. "We will."

"You don't need to convince me, squad leader," you teased lightly.

Eren smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes like usual. "With you on my squad, there's no way I could fail," he replied, squeezing your arm briefly. You both fell silent.

Armin and Mikasa chose then to go off and grab additional 3DMG oil for the four of you.

The quiet stretched on. Eren's eyes burned furiously behind his calm facade (even if the facade was only for your benefit anyway), but you knew it wasn't directed at you. It was probably eating away at him that the things he had sworn to kill were destroying the city less than a mile away. You weren't sure what to say, but you didn't need to worry for long.

"How are you really doing?" he asked softly, coming closer. "Don't put up a front. Talk to me."

You exhaled shakily, looking at your feet. "I'm scared, Eren. We've been working for this for years, but... I don't know. I'm just so scared," you whispered hoarsely, looking up at him. "I can't help thinking about all the people who aren't going to make it. Not just soldiers, civilians too. Wondering who they are. Maybe that makes me a coward, I don't know. "

"Of course not," Eren said. "Being scared doesn't make you a coward. The only time you can be brave _is_ when you're scared," he said. "And we're all scared. Even me. But I will get us through this, [Name], no matter what. We will save Wall Rose and you will live to see tomorrow, I promise. At any cost." He fell silent and a sad look came over him. "[Name]," Eren continued, but you cut him off before he could continue.

"If you're going to try to give me the 'if I don't come back' speech, I will punch you in your face," you threatened.

Eren surprised you then and laughed, touching the recent cut in his eyebrow. "Fine. And thanks for the warning, I'm not looking forward to being punched by you again any time soon," he said with a chuckle. "Although I'm sure it'll happen eventually."

"An idiot like you, it's inevitable," you teased. "Just don't talk like that. Ever. If you die, I will never forgive you," you warned, eyebrows knitting together.

"I wasn't planning on it," he assured you fiercely, and then grinned wickedly, an idea striking him. "How about this: when we _both_ come back alive from this, you'll kiss me again. Like you did this morning," he said with a smirk.

You were still unused to this thing the two of you had, and you were as _afraid_ of it as you were of the titans outside, but _damn_ if you didn't want it.

You glowered at him before wrapping your arms around his waist. "I could just kiss you _now_ ," you offered nonchalantly, before giving him a shy smile.

"As enticing as that idea is, let's just leave it as extra motivation for me to keep my ass out of a titan maw," he said.

Your eyes widened in indignation. "Fuck that," you barked, looking up at him angrily. His eyes widened in surprise at your outburst. "It might be the last chance we -"

"If I can't give you the 'if I don't come back' speech, you can't finish that sentence."

You stopped talking and rolled your eyes. "...Fine."

"I need to believe that we'll have other chances, [Name]," he explained, pulling you closer and hugging you tightly. You linked your arms around his shoulders, burying your face in the crook of his neck. "Promise?" he whispered lowly in your ear.

You turned your head and quickly kissed just under his ear before he could pull away. "It's kind of out of character for you to exercise restraint in, well, anything," you remarked with a snicker. "But it's a deal."

As with all good things, the moment didn't last, and at the moment the doors to the supply depot slammed against the walls as they opened, revealing a panicked Garrison soldier.

"They've breached the Wall! The advance team is wiped out! All squadrons report to the courtyard!"

You pulled away and looked at Eren with panic in your eyes.

His eyes melded back into orbs filled with green fire and purpose.

~

"Your mission is a very simple one! Defend the wall until the evacuation is done! Now, be aware, all of you, that desertion is punishable by execution! If it comes to it, lay down your lives! DISMISSED!" Captain Woerman shouted at the rows upon rows of soldiers, both cadets and Garrison alike.

"SIR!" the crowd shouted back, voices tinged with fear.

You decided you liked the other soldier's hasty pep talk better. This one just made you feel sick to your stomach.

It seemed others had the same idea. A fellow cadet in the 104th, Daz, knelt down nearby and began to vomit on the stone. Christa quickly dropped to her knees beside him and began rubbing his back, soothing him.

You were watching him in disgust when you heard someone come up behind you and softly clear their throat. You turned around to find Mikasa, with that same look of sadness as earlier.

"Mikasa," you said, surprised. "Is everything okay?"

Mikasa looked at you worriedly. "I need to speak with you."

You were a little surprised, but nodded. "Of course. What about?"

Mikasa was silent, looking down. "He can be... reckless," she began. "Eren. He'd throw his life away in a second without even thinking about it because he lets his emotions rule him."

You smiled wanly. "If you're here to ask me to keep him safe, you needn't. I won't let anything happen to him, especially not because of his own dumb mistake."

Mikasa shook her head. "I'm not here to ask that."

Your raised your eyebrows. "Oh?"

"I'm here to ask you to keep yourself safe."

You were confused. "Really? But I figured you'd be worried about Eren..."

"Don't get me wrong, I am worried about Eren because I care about Eren. I'm also worried about you because I care about you. I'm worried about Armin. But I'm extra worried about you because of Eren," she clarified, more flustered than you'd ever seen her. "I'm with the Rear Guard, so I can't be there to help you if things go wrong, and if I spoke to him, he'd only be angry. But if he loses you... I don't want to think about it. So, please... be careful."

"Mikasa..." you whispered, eyes burning, pulling her into a hug. She stiffened. "...I will. Thank you. Be safe."

She relaxed and her arms tightened around you. "You, too. For all our sakes."

She parted from you and gave you a sad smile, turning to walk towards Armin. After she had left, you continued searching the courtyard.

Jean was nearly having a panic attack a ways away, talking very quickly to Marco while Marco struggled to calm him. Jean wouldn't have any of it. He turned on his heel and started marching in the other direction.

You saw Eren and Jean collide, and then Jean turned and began unloading his fury on Eren rather than Marco. You couldn't make out much of what was being said, but you started towards them nonetheless to diffuse the situation. It wouldn't be the first time you'd been the one to do so.

"You're loving this, aren't you? You little psycho!"

That was Jean. You could imagine what he was saying. It was nothing you hadn't heard before. Eren started yelling back, pushing Jean up against one of the pillars, hard. You were finally close enough to clearly make out their words.

"... we trained for this! What do you think the last three years were about? We _survived_! We stared death in the face and we _lived_! Not everyone can say that, can they? Some people couldn't take it and either ran or were thrown out! Hell, some people actually _died_ , but _not us_. Am I right? We powered through, for three years. What's one more day? You can do this, Jean, alright? The MP will still be waiting for you tomorrow."

Jean looked at Eren for a moment, speechless, before stepping away from the pillar and sighing. "Shit." He began to walk away without another word to Eren before barking at Daz to pull himself together.

You approached Eren. "That was good of you," you remarked.

"Yeah, well, he's one of the best, whether I like him or not. We need him. Horse-faced asshole," Eren said angrily.

"Yeah. We do," you agreed.

He was quiet. "What were you and Mikasa talking about?"

You raised an eyebrow at him, pondering what she had said.

_He'd only be angry._

"Nothing really," you said, as calmly as you could. "We were only wishing each other good luck. You know."

Eren clearly didn't believe you, but didn't pursue the subject further. "Right."

You looked around you one last time at your fellow soldiers. "We need to get the squad together and get going soon," you said sullenly.

Eren looked positively terrifying. His rage bubbled just beneath skin, and you could almost feel the heat of it from where you were standing two feet away. You'd always been fixated on the passion in his eyes, but right now, they were very nearly blowing you away.

He nodded at you. "Let's go get them then."

~

You, Eren, Armin, Mina, Nack, and Millius stood above a roof in Middle Guard Sector Two, looking out over the shingled roofs.

There were no titans within sight yet. The Vanguard at the main gate must be holding the line, despite the fallen advance team.

Eren breathed deeply next to you. You could see the impatience on his face, and it worried you.

Still, he spoke normally, looking at Armin, who was clearly still upset. "Look at it this way. It's a golden opportunity. I mean, if we prove our worth as soldiers _right here_ , we'll rise up right through the ranks. Before long, we could even be leading our own regiment! We could bypass rookie status all together!"

Armin looked surprised at his statement, but then his face melted into a small smile. "Sounds good. I'm with you all the way."

Mina walked over confidently. "Now, now, boys! You're not the only ones in the class! Save some of the glory for the rest of us!"

Thomas beamed beside her. "Yeah, good luck beating us to the punch a _second_ time, Eren. No head-starts for you this round!"

Eren smirked, rounding on them. "Is that a challenge?"

Thomas laughed, looking at everyone in Squad 34. "Listen up! Whoever kills the most titans gets bragging rights!"

Even Millius and Nack looked determined.

Eren looked at Thomas, grinning. "Hah. Better not fudge your scores!"

You smiled at your friends. _We can do this._

A Garrison soldier landed nearby and yelled up at you from a lower roof. "Squadron 34, move out! The vanguard needs support!"

Eren looked at him quickly, before facing his team. "Right!" he barked. "Give 'em hell!"

_Here goes everything, Amelia. Wish me luck._

You and the other soldiers let out a war cry, hoisting your blades up in the air, before charging straight off the edge of the roof and in the direction of the breach. Your 3DMG whirred to life as you hit the triggers, digging into an apartment building nearby and swinging you gracefully down the center of the street, leaving a stream of gas emissions in your wake. You soared through the sky effortlessly, winding in and out of the protruding buildings  for several minutes.

Then you saw them, amidst broken buildings and columns of black smoke.

Titans.

There were dozens of them, and no soldiers to be seen. You thought seeing the Colossal Titan would have prepared you for this, but it didn't even come close. They dug around in the alleys like they were searching for snacks. Some of the larger ones had climbed up onto a roof, and the buildings beneath them were being crushed under their weight. Some had blood stains around their mouths, dripping down and off their chins to splatter their chests like a messy baby.

They were just like you had heard they were - tiny, disproportional ones, only around three or four meters, which populated the streets below you. Ten meter behemoths whose heads peaked out above the buildings a half-mile away, hunting for prey. They all seemed to have long arms, huge heads, bowing legs - like someone had tried to make a human out of putty but it didn't form correctly. Many of them had large, engorged stomachs. You didn't want to think about that.

The worst part, though, was their faces.

Many of them wore massive, soulless, toothy grins. Unlike the Colossal Titan's seeming intelligence, these faces were empty of nothing but hunger and bloodlust. Their huge eyes, glossed over with a strange clear film, stared wide and unblinking at their surroundings, their smiles never faltering. Some had facial hair. Some had no hair at all. Some had sunken eyes. Some were steaming.

You felt the hope forced out of you like you were crashing into an icy lake.

"There's so many of them!" shouted Mina somewhere to your right.

"The vanguard's been completely overwhelmed!" Thomas replied.

"I don't believe this," Nack yelled in a panic. "Those guys always talked so big!"

Eren's wide eyes narrowed suddenly at something in the distance. One of the larger titans, on a roof. He was positioned strangely, on all fours, knees and elbows jutting out at strange angles. He turned to face your squad, a blank grin on his face.

"We've got an abnormal! HOLD UP!"

You did as he ordered, and just in time. You pulled your gear back sharply and some used extra gas to propel you upwards, too much gas, rising straight over a clock tower as the massive, blonde beast hurled himself at you from two hundred feat away. You heard a shrill scream and a crash, but didn't know who it belonged to or what had happened. Suddenly, you were high above the ground without any anchor to speak of, flying through the air at a hundred miles per hour. You had gone too high. Your anchors had detached. You began to fall, fast, too fast to fire again with any shred of accuracy.

Several shingles shattered and fell off the roof when you landed, a ways beyond the clock tower. You heard Armin shriek as he landed beside you in a similar manner, and more shingles fell. A few others touched down by you, more gracefully, but you didn't see them. Eren seemed to have also dislodged his anchors, but just managed to grab the edge of the roof, and hung there, shell-shocked, looking back over his shoulder at the clock tower. Groaning in pain and clutching your arm, you rolled over to see the state of the abnormal.

"No," Eren whispered.

To your horror, the titan had collided with the tower, wrapping his gigantic limbs around its base to keep himself up. His long spindly arms and legs almost touched each other on the other side, his fingers digging into wall. You could see huge, matted blonde hair peeking out of the side of the tower. Bits of the brick and stone fell away as he moved his face further to get a look at you and your crashed comrades.

The first things you noticed were his eyes. Blue, and filled with terror. That didn't make any sense. Why would there be fear? Titans didn't feel fear. The eyes were too small, too. They belonged on another face. _That_ face looked at you from upside down, mouth hanging open in surprise, blades falling from his hands and clattering uselessly to the ground at the titan's feet.

Thomas' upper half was sticking out of the abnormal's mouth.

He said something, but you couldn't make out what. You were transfixed, staring at the boy who was obviously afraid but still unaware of what was going on.

Then the look in his eyes changed, his mouth opened further, and he screamed.

The shrill, horrified sound pierced you straight through the heart, cutting you in two, as the titan jerked his head back roughly and you watched Thomas slide down his throat.


	16. I'm Sorry

What you weren't expecting was the silence.

Screaming, explosions, anything else would have been expected, even acceptable. Fitting. But all there was was that awful, horrible, drawn-out silence that seemed to wrap itself around you like a blanket made of freezing water, never ending.

You stood with your comrades, your family, mouths open and eyes wide. No one said anything. No one did anything. All you could do was stare at the spot that used to be Thomas before he fell, shrieking, down the titan's gullet. And then there was silence.

The titan slowly picked itself up off the ground where it landed and turned, walking away like it hadn't just shattered your whole reality in a split second.

Your fists were clenched so hard you could feel your fingernails puncture the skin of your palms. Blood mingled with sweat. You vaguely noticed the feeling of a sharp pain in your leg from your landing, seconds earlier.

You heard a sound that was something between a sob and a gasp, coming from below you, finally breaking the horror spell, the silence. Eren hung over the edge of the roof by a single hand, staring towards the clock tower, wind-blown hair barely masking how his eyes shined with grief.

And then rage.

His chest heaved, his face burned. "You bastard!" he screamed, launching his anchors into a nearby building and flying off the edge of the roof.

"Eren, don't!" You couldn't believe how your voice sounded - so weak, so desperate, but so powerful. You activated your 3DMG, following in Eren's wake at breakneck speed.

"Eren!" came Armin's voice from behind.

"Wait! Stay with the group!" Nack yelled, taking off after him.

You could hear Eren yelling something ahead, but couldn't make out what. He was moving too fast, faster than you'd ever seen him move before.

You were faster.

You were still one hundred feet away. You exerted more gas. You could hear it hissing dangerously at your waist. You didn't care.

"[Name], slow down!"

Eighty feet.

You saw it before Eren did. You wondered if Eren saw it at all before it was too late. A titan, only four or five meters, walking around on the street below. Eren was flying towards it, eyes clearly trained only on the abnormal. But the smaller titan noticed him.

Fifty feet.

"EREN!" someone screamed. Maybe it was you. Maybe it was Mina. You didn't know. You didn't care. You had almost reached him - you were only maybe thirty feet away now. You could hear Eren yelling that the titan wouldn't get away, wouldn't get away.

Fifteen feet.

The small titan jumped, jaw opening so wide it tore his cheeks from the corner of his lips to his ear. Eren flew right over it, not noticing, and then its teeth slammed shut with a sickening _snap_. You felt the stirred air from its descent as you shot past it half a second later. You saw Eren still in the air, and sighed in relief. Everything remained normal for a second longer.

Then you heard a grunt. Eren let out a single grunt as he lost his balance. Had the titan really missed him? Everything was happening so fast, you weren't sure. Eren's form began to dive then, faster than you could catch him, crashing into a roof off to the side, face-first. He hit it with such force that he broke tile, his momentum propelling him forward as he slid and rolled and was thrown for what felt like forever until finally skidding to a stop a hundred feet from where he landed.

You dropped at full speed, your injured leg collapsing upon impact with the building, your vision going blurry with pain. You groaned, but crawled to him on your hands and knees, unhindered.

"Eren, no..." you croaked hoarsely as you reached him, finally getting a look at what had happened as your eyes refocused.

His left leg was missing below the knee, bits of flesh and cloth trailing out from where his previously white pant leg ended. The straps had been cut clean, completely loosing his leg from his gear. Even if he was conscious, which he didn't appear to be, he probably wouldn't be able to fly effectively. You'd have to carry him. Blood speckled the rest of his body, and ran freely from his hairline. A head wound.

You couldn't tell whether or not he was even alive, you realized with a sinking feeling. Panic. His eyes were open, but they were blank.

"Wake up, you bastard!" you hissed, laying a gentle hand on his back to contradict your harsh words. Nothing. Your heart raced. "I have to get you someplace safe, I have to get you evac, medical! You can't do this. Don't you even dare," you growled. " _Don't you dare!_ " you yelled hoarsely, shaking his shoulders.

He didn't move. You let out a single, miserable sob, letting your head fall.

There was a shrill sound from the direction you had come from. "Eren! _[Name]_!"

Your gaze snapped to where you had just come from to see three other shapes rapidly approaching. Armin remained on the roof where you had all initially crashed. Maybe he had been more injured in the initial landing than you realized. Mina's shriek drew your attention away from Eren just in time to see another, different titan walk out of a dark side alley, no taller than the first.

You tried to yell a warning, but you were too late.

The new titan reached out an arm and swatted Nack out of the sky like a fly, using such great force that all that was left of him was a pink mist littered with chunks that you didn't want to think about, the gruesome disintegration of all the blood and flesh and bone in his body. Mina saw it too, howling fiercely, turning in her harness and drawing her blades as she flew straight through the disgusting cloud, covering her whole body in a layer of gore.

Then her wire jerked.

You barely noticed it at first. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. Mina was yanked back, and got slammed into a wall with bone shattering force, three hundred feet away. She slid, body broken and limp, to the base. The new titan, five meters with a shaggy dark mop of hair and massive, glassy, brown eyes, dropped her wire and peeked down around the edge of the wall where Mina lay, dazed. Drool dripped out of his mouth and landed on her, but she didn't seem to notice. She didn't move.

_Move, [Name]. She's in trouble._

Your knees remained glued to the roof.

_You need to move!_

The titan picked Mina up in two enormous, fleshy hands, holding her in front of him like he was appraising a new toy. She didn't move. Millius started screaming - the titan that had jumped at Eren had him in hand as well, a ways further back than Mina was from you. You didn't see how it happened, and you didn't know where Armin was, you realized with fear. He wasn't on the first roof anymore. You looked down at Eren's crumpled, bloody body.

You weren't sure if Mina was even alive anymore. She was still. She was quiet. But then her head picked up weakly. Even from several hundred feet away, her eyes met yours. Her lips formed your name.

Your mind started up again like a stalling engine finally roaring to life.

You got up to your feet, despite the pain in your legs from two crash landings in less than three minutes. You gave Eren one last look. You felt tears you hadn't noticed before dripping off your face and onto your uniform. He hadn't moved. "I'm sorry," you whispered, before running at full speed and launching yourself off the building towards Mina and Millius.

You were still too far away, and the titan began to lift her to his mouth. Millius still struggled with the titan behind her. It placed him between his teeth, his torso hanging out of his mouth. Millius tried desperately to push himself out with arms, but couldn't get any traction on the slimy expanses of the titan's teeth.

"Please, stop! I don't want to die - agh!" you heard Millius screaming as the titan bit down.

Then he went silent. The last thing you heard from him was a soft thump as his upper body hit the ground.

"No!"

You were crying too hard now to see much anymore but for the titan that lifted Mina slowly to his mouth. You were so close. So close to finishing it, to saving her.

You wouldn't lose another sister. Never again.

He was within range. You lifted your flesh paring blades up high with a vicious cry, hooking your anchors behind his head and hurtling towards him at top speed. You wrenched your body around, blades held aloft, and felt the heavy pressure on your swords before it gave, as you spun past him, cleaving the nape of his neck from his body in one, fast sweep.

The disgusting piece of flesh fell, and the titan dropped to his knees and fell to the side, immobile. The titan just a bit further ahead was reaching for Millius' other half, like it wanted _seconds_. You felt a dark rage bubbling up inside you at the sight of it.

_No more!_

Your anchors landed in between its shoulder blades and you used a bit of extra gas to lift yourself high above his head. You began to retract your wires, shooting towards its back, twisting your body sharply in the harness to get more momentum. Your blades hit their mark, and the titan fell forwards as you leapt off, running back to Mina without a second glance at the monster's steaming corpse. You could see no other titans in the immediate vicinity.

You struggled on your injured leg, sprinting back to the other carcass. You didn't even realize you had just gotten your first real kills.

You finally reached the titans open hand, where Mina still lay motionless. You dragged her out and pulled her several feet away to safety, laying her in your lap. You brushed her bloodied hair out of her face. "Mina, I got you. You're safe now."

Mina's eyes slowly moved to meet yours, half closed. "I can't feel anything, [Name]," she breathed shakily, a note of anxiety in her weak voice.

You tried to remain as calm as possible for her. You hadn't noticed before - blood leaked out of the corner of her mouth - her blood, not Nack's. Her chest rose and fell shallowly like she couldn't find enough air. That wasn't a good sign. It could mean that a broken rib punctured one or both of her lungs. It had happened to one of the cadets after a bad accident during 3DMG training. He hadn't survived. Her arms and legs were bent at strange angles. Whether from the titan's fists or the wall, you didn't know. Maybe a little bit of both.

You smiled weakly. "You have a few broken bones, but you will be okay. We just need to get you help."

Mina exhaled slowly in your lap, fighting for breath. "I'm not... going anywhere. Even... if I could... you need to survive," she said. "I can't, but you can... and you will be so amazing," Mina said with the tiniest of smiles, a ghost of the one that had greeted you every morning for the last three years. "Whatever you do, you will be. You saved me."

You started brokenly crying even harder at her words. "Mina, I didn't," you hiccuped. "I wasn't fast enough. I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry."

Mina slowly moved her hand onto your arm and let it rest there. Her eyes were nearly closed, just a little bit of the familiar bluish gray of her irises peaking out from beneath her thick, black lashes. "You... did... save. Not eaten... is enough. You're here... thank you."

Mina let out one more, rattling exhale. Her eyes closed. Her hand fell loosely to her side. She died in your arms.

Again. It had happened again.

 _I've failed you all,_ you thought, boiling in rage and agony.

"No!" you heard Armin scream from somewhere nearby.

_But I will NOT fail anyone else._

You gently pushed Mina off your lap, pivoting and activating your ODM yet again. Armin was significantly closer than he had been before, held like a kitten by its collar between the index finger and thumb of a massive, grey-bearded titan, probably fifteen meters tall, dangling over its wide, gaping mouth. It released its fingers and Armin slid, howling, down its throat. You picked up your speed.

You wouldn't be able to just kill the titan now. Armin would burn up inside it as it disintegrated. There was only one other choice.

You would have to cut him out from the inside.

"I will _NOT_ fail anyone else!" you screamed.

"No!" came a bellow from beside you, and you felt the telltale give of someone cutting one of your wires.

Uneven, you fell, crashing flat on your stomach on the shingled roof, the air forcibly pushed out of you by the impact. "What the -"

The shape blew past you, unrecognizably fast. Yet, you knew who it was.

"Eren, stop!" you screamed, struggling to your feet and breaking out into a run, your gear rendered useless.

_How is he still moving?_

Eren landed in the titan's mouth on his remaining leg, diving in without a second thought, clinging to the edge of its mouth for support. Your heart nearly stopped. You had to get there in time. Had to save them.

Almost immediately, Eren threw Armin out of the mouth of the huge titan by his hand, and Armin fell unceremoniously onto the roof. Then the titan began to close its jaw. You stared on in horror as Eren tried to get out but couldn't move fast enough, getting caught between the upper and lower teeth, holding them apart as well as he could with his right foot and arms. He struggled. You forced your legs to move even faster, if it was possible. Armin started to pick himself up off the ground, but looked confused, staring at Eren in horror.

"I refuse to die like this, understand?" Eren growled, struggling to keep the titan's mouth from shutting. "We're still going to the outside world... The things you told me about... I have to see them... I _have_ to..."

Eren turned and saw you then, so close to reaching him. He took one arm off the titan's teeth and reached his hand out to you, grimacing in pain, the other wobbling dangerously.

"Eren, no!" you screamed, diving forward, reaching out to grab his hand.

The titan's mouth slammed shut, Eren's arm still outside its teeth, flying out and landing in front of you on the roof in a shower of blood. You stared at it in shock. The titan threw back his head and swallowed.

Armin wailed, sounding like a dying animal. You felt your heart shatter into a thousand pieces, cutting into your soul. You felt a sob rise in your throat.

But you choked it down.

There was still one left you could save, and you wouldn't allow weakness to stop you anymore.

You tackled Armin's side, pulling him away from the edge of the roof as he reached his arms towards the titan like he wanted to pull Eren out just as he had done for him. He struggled to get out of your grip, but you kept pulling him away.

"Armin, stop, we need to go," you spoke steadily. "My 3DMG is broken, so you need to..." you turned around and saw the huge titan walking away. "Here, take it off. I'll get us out of here."

Armin's eyes stared blankly beyond you, unseeing and unregistering.

"Armin, come on," you pleaded, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to face you.

He looked at you then with grief-stricken eyes. "It's alright," he whispered brokenly. "I can do it." He grabbed you around the waist, and you wrapped your arm around his shoulders. "Are you ready?" he asked quietly, sniffling.

You looked back. The titan was gone. Eren was gone. "...Yes."

Armin nodded and took off, weaving carefully in and out of buildings to avoid the heavily titan-populated areas. You barely noticed anything until you landed in the bell tower of a church somewhere. You didn't care. You wondered if you'd ever care again. You kept your face devoid of emotion.

Armin let you go and you fell to your knees, leg giving way. He slid against the wall across from you, cheeks stained with tears, tucking his legs up to his chest and dropping his head into folded arms. He was silent.

You felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt looking at the broken boy. "Armin... I..." you started. But what could you say to someone who just lost his best friend because you weren't fast enough? "I am so sorry. I failed you... I failed Eren. I failed everyone."

Armin looked up to you in shock, water falling from his eyes like a river. "Why are you apologizing?" he asked incredulously. "You fought! I didn't do _anything_ , I just watched. I just _watched_ everyone die! I'm the one who should be apologizing. I let you down," he sobbed, letting out all his words in a rush. "I let _him_ down."

You got up and quickly pulled Armin into a hug, squeezing him as tightly as you could. He wrapped his arms around you and squeezed back, openly grieving for his lost friend.

"We can't stay here long," you said finally.

Armin continued crying softly for several minutes, and you rubbed his back comfortingly, silently.

You didn't want him to see your face, but you knew he could feel it as each of your teardrops landed on his back.


	17. Risen

You weren't sure how much time had passed since your world ended.

You and Armin had since moved on from the bell tower, him carrying you by the waist to avoid further injury to your leg. You hung limply in his arms as he wobbled through the air precariously, managing to operate his worn gear with only one hand. It was proving to be very difficult, as the combined weight of you and his gear was not easy for Armin to bear, even with years of physical training.

Still, he hadn't spoken. You hadn't spoken. Neither of you needed to speak in order to understand the pain the other was feeling. You flew on in silence, both looking over the district with grief-stricken eyes.

Violence and death warped Trost several shades darker than its former self, the once bright city now a ghost of its past. Everything seemed blurry and stained, like the oils melting off an artistic masterpiece. Screaming echoed from off in the distance, but there was nothing you could do to help them - not with only two of you, one pair of 3DMG, and several blunted blades. You kept going the curved path, turning a blind eye to their anguish. You could see the heads of various monsters amongst the roofs, and felt sick when you saw one bend out of sight to pick something - or someone - up. You felt little consolation in not knowing which it was.

Those people down there - the people being eaten alive - were your classmates, your advisors, your family. They were all you had, and they were being massacred. You could do nothing but watch, helplessly, hopelessly as their lives were snuffed out like candle lights in a harsh wind gale.

You gritted your teeth and turned inward to Armin, attempting to blind yourself to the catastrophe it seemed you were drowning in. The horror you would never escape.  You could smell the blood and titan saliva on his uniform, but dared not look away.

Eventually, the two of you regrouped with Connie, Ymir, and Christa, but you didn't really remember much of the exchange later. You emptily responded to Connie's queries, avoiding discussing the fate of the rest of your team. Connie didn't pry. Perhaps he understood. Perhaps he thought you had been separated. Maybe he didn't want to hear the truth verbalized. That would feel too final, for everyone.

Either way, you couldn't speak the words - _they're all dead_ \- aloud. You doubted you would ever be able to. Armin probably felt similarly. Perhaps the names of your friends - Eren Jaeger's name - would simply have to go listed with the rest of the missing, those who were either too mangled to recognize or swallowed whole and burned up in some monster's stomach acid to be regurgitated on some street corner with the remains of their comrades.

You tried to block those thoughts from your mind. You couldn't think of him that way.

Ymir made a few jabs about you and Armin failing your team, and Connie threatened to shut her up permanently. You didn't really care, but you vaguely registered Christa attempting to diffuse the situation in a high, panicked voice. Ymir laughed. Connie growled. Armin remained silent.

Their exchange made you feel nauseous and you swallowed. You looked up to the other soldiers with as much composure as you could muster. Still, you felt a drop a sweat drip down your temple and slide down the length of your ashen nose.

"That's enough," you cut in, interrupting Connie's tirade. Your voice wavered, so you cleared your throat before you continued. "We need to regroup with the others," you stated flatly, voice not betraying any of the turmoil you felt within.

Armin looked at you and nodded, eyes wet. "Don't worry about us," he assured weakly, voice trembling as he turned to the others. "We'll be with the rear guard."

Connie's eyes widened as he looked between the two of you, panic flashing within them. "Wait, you two, we should -"

You didn't hear what Connie said next. Armin gripped your waist tightly and fired his anchors out over the roof. You felt his body tense, and then the roof beneath your feet was there no longer, and you were airborne. You squeezed your arm around his shoulder to keep yourself upright.

Connie's shouts faded in your ears until the only thing you could hear was the whistling of the wind. You looked around you as Armin flew. He dropped low into the alleyway to avoid being seen by nearby titans. Around you, the blood of hundreds smeared the stone pathways and the walls. Occasionally, a stray limb or chunk of flesh lay among it. You felt your stomach churn sickeningly. Who did they... had they belonged to?

Armin's face said that he saw it as well, his teeth gritted tightly shut. "I was wrong," he whispered hoarsely. Whether or not he was talking to you was unclear. His voice barely reached your ears. "The world hasn't become hell. It's _been_ hell."

You looked at him, and felt the beginnings of tears well up in your eyes at his heartbroken, dejected statement, but you bit them back. _No, stop it!_ you chided yourself. _You cannot cry here!_

You held back your own despair and tried to think of the words that might comfort your trembling friend, but Armin let out a strangled sob and then descended, fast, his anchor failing to lodge itself in the wall ahead due to his distraction. You yelped before he hit the ground, curling in on yourself instinctively, but he shielded you from most of the impact so your injured leg was unaffected. He turned away from you and slid down the stone wall of the abandoned shop, face in his hands. He shook viciously.

"So this is how it all ends up," he moaned, sounding as if he was in agony. You imagined he was. "Eren tried to protect me, and..."

"Armin -" you began, feeling hot tears make their way down your dirtied cheeks.

But you were cut short when you both heard a high pitched grunting mixed with crying from not so far away from where you and Armin sat. Your eyes were both drawn to the heart-wrenching sound and away from your own sadness.

You saw a familiar mop of messy, ginger hair bent over a prone form, perhaps a bag or satchel. Hannah knelt on the stone ground beside it, covered in blood, the unidentified shape being pounded on by her small, freckled hands. She seemed to be chanting something - perhaps not so much chanting as _pleading_ \- her carrot-colored hair stained dark with blood, her face flushed and sweaty with exertion.

When you realized with horror that her actions vaguely resembled CPR, your eyes lowered to the shape. For a second, you didn't recognize him. But then your breath was stolen right from your lungs.

The form on the ground wasn't a bag. It was the upper half of Franz's body. The rest of him was nowhere to be seen, probably eaten. Hannah leaned forwards and tried desperately to breathe life into the crushed lungs of her love.

You knew how she must have been feeling. Still, it had to stop. For Hannah's sake. For Franz's.

You walked slowly to Hannah and knelt beside her, breathing out of your mouth to avoid the stench of Franz's body, but the rusty smell of blood clung to the air anyway, and you could taste it on your tongue. You lay your hand softly on Hannah's shoulder. She either didn't notice or didn't care, because she didn't stop or slow her efforts in the slightest.

"Hannah," you whispered gently, kneeling beside your friend.

"Don't," she warned. "Go away. I need to wake him up! Franz, please, wake up!"

"He won't wake up, Hannah. He can't," you explained with patience, peering into her tear-stained, freckle-dusted face. You had no idea how to get through to her. You knew her grief all too well, and didn't know how to make yourself, or even Armin, feel better. What could you possibly say to her?

"No, he _has_ to wake up! We promised! _He_ promised," she said fiercely, pressing even harder on Franz's chest.

"Hannah, please breathe, and look at him. I'm sorry, but he's not coming back," you said, hoping the bluntness of your statement may get through to her. "He's... Hannah, he's dead."

Hannah broke down and sobbed, leaning over Franz's bloodied torso. You rubbed her back in slow circles as she cried.

"I know it seems like there is nothing left... _trust me_ , I know," you said quietly. Armin listened in silence. "But the best thing we can do for them now is to continue to move forward and make sure that they did not die for nothing."

Hannah looked at you, eyes bloodshot. You vaguely registered your own tears, and Armin's soft sniffles behind you.

"They are gone, but we are not. So we must carry on in order to remember them, because if we don't, no one will, and it will be like none of us ever existed. Like none of us ever made this sacrifice," you stopped and thought for a moment. "Not to mention, they'd be _damn_ pissed if we dared to give up and die now after everything we've been through together the past few years. Franz especially would be pissed if you died for no reason, now, wouldn't he?"

Hannah looked up from Franz and into your eyes. You saw the tiny, familiar flame of determination in the midst of her grief and uncertainty.

"So live. For Franz," you finished, more certain than you were before when you started out. Whether you were saying these things for Hannah's benefit, or for Armin's, or even for yourself, did not matter.

Hannah was silent for a moment, but slowly, she nodded at you, the tears falling from her eyes slowing. Her heaving breaths no longer shook. "Okay."

You managed a smile for her. "Okay. I will be on the roof right there with Armin. I'd like to say 'take your time', but... it's not safe down here."

Hannah's eyes fell. "I understand. I'll be up in a minute."

She turned back to Franz, and Armin lifted you up to the roof in one swift movement. He placed you down at the peak of the shingled roof, so as to give Hannah and Franz a final moment of privacy.

He looked at you quietly for several seconds before speaking. "That was... good of you. I think it helped."

You tried to meet his gaze, but found it difficult. "I wasn't sure what I was going to say before I said it. I hope it helped."

Armin smiled for the first time since your squadron died. It was small, and it was sad, but it was a smile. "I'm not speaking only for Hannah when I say that I really do think it did," Armin whispered, finally looking away, a distant look on his blood-stained face.

You weren't positive what that meant, but you thought you understood.

You were deep in thought when you heard the zipping and hissing of 3DMG, and Hannah landed lightly beside you and Armin. You both looked up at her.

She composed herself, standing up straight. Her eyes were still red and puffy, but she was no longer crying, and had clearly regained control of herself and her senses. She met your eyes. 

"I'm ready," she said resolutely.

You nodded at her. "Okay. We're going to regroup with the rest of the squadrons."

"Understood," Hannah replied.

As the three of you took to the air again, you felt a small weight lifted off your heart.

_At least I was able to save one._

~

About an hour after you met up with the rest of the former-cadet squadrons - some lucky and still fully intact and others torn to pieces - you were standing beside Jean, who sat with his head in his hands, and Connie, who had shown up with his squadron shortly after you, Armin, and Hannah. The three of you discussed - or argued - about the best course of action to take now that you had a sizable group of soldiers to work with.

You had a sizeable group, sure - but no means for it to travel.

"We can't _do_ anything," Jean moaned dejectedly.

He wasn't exactly wrong - the signal to withdraw had been given several minutes previously, but roughly ninety percent of the large group you were with had depleted their gas supply, as the supply depot team had not been seen since the beginning of the invasion to deliver replacements.

Whether they were dead or in hiding wasn't known. Either way, without the depot team, you were all without supplies and would never make it over the wall several miles away. It took a great deal of gas to propel oneself over the wall, even with the wires, and nearly everyone's gas canisters were just about empty.

You had recovered a set of 3DMG from a fallen member of another squadron, but it too was running low. Your old 3DMG gear had practically full canisters, but were obsolete as backup, as you had no idea where they even were anymore. Nonetheless, it was comforting not to feel completely helpless anymore.

"Where even _is_ the supply team?" barked Connie angrily, pacing back in forth like a caged animal.

"They lost their will to fight. They abandoned their duty to supply us. I can't believe this is how it's gonna end... because of those damned _cowards_ ," growled Jean from his spot on the ground. He'd been saying the same things like a broken record for ten minutes. His voice didn't hold the same hostility as usual, though. Only sorrow.

"Hey," you finally scolded, turning on him with furrowed brows. "Cut that out. We don't know anything yet."

"I do," Jean replied emptily. "They're not bringing us supplies. And HQ is crawling with titans, so we can't go and get them ourselves. We're... just gonna sit here with our thumbs up our asses until we finally get eaten."

"What are you talking about? Why are we waiting here? We've got to go! Start thinning their numbers so we have a chance!" Connie shouted in Jean's blank face, clenching his fists.

"I agree with Connie," you said calmly. "If you think we're gonna die either way, then at least come with us and try! The end result will either be the same... or you'll live to see tomorrow."

Jean scoffed. "There won't be a tomorrow."

"Knock it the fuck off! We don't have much gas left. We'll just waste whatever we've got if we try to run, but we can't make it over the wall, and we can't just sit here waiting to die! So we have to fight our way to the depot!" Connie shouted, as energetic as ever.

"You're actually using your head for once? Nice going, Con. But I'm just not sure if we've got the numbers needed to pull this off. The vanguard has all been killed. And how, exactly, are a bunch of rookies supposed to accomplish what they could not? Even if some of us do survive the initial assault, I'm sure the supply room is infested with titans in the three and four meter range. I don't see us accomplishing much in there."

Connie's resolve visibly wavered, his eyes wide with fear. Even you felt your heart sink.

"It's hopeless," Connie whispered.

"What a dull life this turned out to be," Jean chuckled darkly. "I didn't get to tell him..."

You heard Sasha's encouraging voice from the other side of the roof, but you couldn't hear her words. Jean's speech rung in your head.

_How are a bunch of rookies supposed to accomplish what they could not?_

You rotated on your heels to observe your fellow soldiers across the rooftop. What you saw wasn't encouraging - Sasha's forced, almost insane, smile. Armin's dark form brooding against the wall. Jean and Connie sitting side-by-side with their heads in their hands. Marco, Reiner, Bertl, and Annie looking out over the ravaged district with severe expressions, muttering to each other under their breath. Many other familiar faces were mixed into the group, with matching looks of fear and despair etched into their eyes, eyes that had seen so much children never should have to see.

You walked over to the wall and sank down beside Armin, placing your head between your knees.

_I am so sorry, Eren... there isn't anything I can -_

_**BANG.**_

The roof shook as something heavy landed fifty feet away and began running towards the group. A flash of vivid red caught your eye.

_Mikasa..._

"Mikasa! Weren't you with the rear guard?" you heard someone yell.

She ignored them, looking around wildly, searching for something or someone. Her eyes rested on Reiner's group by the edge of the roof, who looked back her with emotions ranging from concern to indifference.

"Annie!" Mikasa shouted, running up to the small blonde. 

Armin looked straight ahead, panic in his eyes. You understood his fear. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to escape the inevitable, but Mikasa's high voice and Annie's monotone carried over to you regardless.

Mikasa skidded to a stop before the four soldiers, a shingle coming loose and sliding down the slope of the roof before falling over completely. You didn't hear it hit the ground far below. "I know how bad things have gotten," Mikasa began, out of breath. "It's selfish, putting personal matters in the forefront, but... have you seen Eren's squad? Squad 34?"

You could almost see Annie's passive face as she responded. "Some squads made it back. I don't know about Eren's."

Reiner voice came next, his usual confidence evident. "We found a few of them. Armin and [Name] are over there by the wall. They haven't said much, though."

_Oh, Sina, please, no. Don't ask me. You can't ask me. I can't say._

Despite your internal pleas, you heard her footsteps approach the two of you at a fast jog. The closer she got, the louder the steps got, the faster and harder your heart thundered in your chest. It hurt.

"Armin! [Name]!" she breathed in relief as she finally stopped her approach in front of you. 

You still couldn't bring yourself to look up at her, fear and guilt tearing through your entire being like an electric current.

"Guys... I'm so glad you're alive. Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?" she asked, her voice gentle. You felt her lay a hand on your bloodied knee. You slowly raised your head to look at her.

She was kneeling before the two of you, nothing but concern and worry written onto her beautiful face as she examined your injured leg. You couldn't face her. You couldn't tell her. Even still, you knew she had to ask.

You lowered your eyes once more, giving into the desire to avoid her.

Mikasa hummed quietly in contentment, ascertaining that the two of you were alive and not too seriously injured, before standing up straight and looking around the roof. She paused, noticing what, or who, was missing.

"Where is Eren?" she asked, and you finally heard a note of anxiety in her normally controlled voice. Your head snapped up to meet her gaze. She looked at you, confusion and nerves drawing her mouth into a frown. "...[Name]?"

You opened your mouth, but no identifiable sound came out. Your heart sped up dangerously as you searched for the right words, but you could hear the snap of Eren's arm again in your ears and your mind was emptied of all coherent thought. You were devoid of everything but the purest, most acute anguish. The edges of your vision began to turn black, slowly closing in until all you could see was Mikasa's grey eyes, shining with fear.

Armin began to speak from next to you, his voice choked up with sobs that you hadn't noticed. "They were... the cadets of Squad 34..." he began, barely able to control his voice. "Thomas Wagner... Nac Tius... Millius Zermusky... Mina Carolina... ...Eren Jaeger. These brave five... upheld their duties. They died valiantly in the field of battle."

Mikasa's eyes widened minutely, but her expression did not change. You weren't sure if speaking with an official tone made it any easier for Armin to break the news to her about her beloved brother, but he knelt on the ground beside you, hunched over and crying hard. He was continually uttering a string of almost imperceptible apologies and self-deprecations while you sat silently at his side, too tired even to cry anymore. Too guilty to apologize.

After what seemed like forever, Mikasa knelt before the two of you once more. Your stomach sank and you squeezed your eyes tightly shut as you waited for whatever was coming next - her sadness, her anger, anything.

But it never came. You felt her place her hand on top of yours and you looked up at her in shock. You saw her other hand placed on Armin's as she looked from him to you with her normal expression, unclouded.

"Calm yourselves," she said. "We haven't got time to be emotional right now."

Armin gasped softly in surprised at her serenity. You couldn't move for fear of breaking the spell.

Mikasa looked between the two of you once more. "On your feet," she said, pulling you both up by your hands before pivoting, and you stared after her as she walked away, calling out to Marco with a firm voice. You knew she must be feeling something, but looking at her, you would never have known it. She walked confidently, undaunted. "If we eliminate or bypass the titans at HQ, we can there refuel our gear, allowing us to get over the wall. Is that assessment correct?"

You couldn't say what you felt was relief as you watched her talk with Marco. You didn't know what you felt exactly. It was an unidentifiable simmer in your veins. Whatever it was, though, it propelled your feet forward, without your permission, and you followed Mikasa to the center of the roof.

After Marco's display of skepticism, Mikasa whipped around to face the group, eyes narrowing.

"I can do it," Mikasa spoke calmly, but her voice reached every ear on the roof. "I'm strong. Real strong. None of you come close," she raised her voice gradually as she drew one of her paring blades, raising it high above her head as she looked out over the soldiers congregating around her. "You hear me? I am a warrior! Know this: I have the power to slay all of the titans that block our path, even if I have to do it alone. As far as I'm concerned, I am surrounded by a bunch of unskilled cowardly worms!" she yelled, slashing her sword down to point it around the group. "You disappoint me. You can just sit here, and twiddle your thumbs, and watch how it's done."

A girl from the front of the group spoke up. "Mikasa, wait! Are you out of your mind? That's crazy!"

"You can't be serious!" another exclaimed. "Trying to take them out by yourself?"

"There's no way you can hope to beat them!"

"If we can't beat them, then we die. But if we win, we live. And the only way to win is to fight!" she yelled, taking off over the edge of the roof.

Everybody on the roof stood rooted to the spot, unmoving, watching her departure.

The feeling from earlier resurfaced more strongly than before as you watched the red blur of her scarf fading into the slightly smoke-obscured air. You understood now. It was an odd mixture of relief, guilt, sadness, frustration, confusion... and heartbreak. But beneath all that was something, born of fire, that you had never felt before. It boiled just beneath your skin, a scorching heat, screaming to rise up and break the surface. It filled your whole being with the flames of might, determination, and purpose, and in just one second, you knew how Eren had felt his whole life. You straightened your spine.

Mikasa was right.

You were not about to just sit down and wait for death to claim you. That went against everything you had ever believed in. Everything Eren, and Mina, and all the others had believed in and _died_ for. You had spent years of your life building yourself up for this, training for this, working for this. This was a critical battle in the war for humanity's survival. You weren't about to throw it all away in a moment of weakness.

You were not weak.

You were going to win.

So, you had to fight.

And, when you won, you were going to devote your life to ensuring that this atrocity would never occur again.

You decided, right then, on that broken and bloodstained roof:

Tomorrow, you would join the Scouting Legion.

You strode to the edge of the roof, drawing your blades as you walked, renewed. You took and deep breath to center yourself and looked out at Mikasa's shrinking form for a second before looking over your shoulder at the rest of your uncertain comrades.

"This is our chance to win back our right to survive. She doesn't have to fight alone. That's up to us," you said. "I choose to follow her. Come with me, and fight so that we can make sure that this nightmare doesn't ever reach those we love within the walls. Fight so that no one ever again has to needlessly lose their lives as our friends have done for us today!" You heard a murmur of agreement among the soldiers. "Let's win back our world, and send those titans back to hell where they belong. For those inside the walls! For the fallen! For humanity!"

Connie yelled, thrusting his blade in the air. "For humanity!"

The other soldiers howled after him, throwing up their arms like you had both done before, freshly invigorated by Mikasa's speech and your following words, rushing over the edge of the roof in a mass of green and brown.

Finally, you launched your anchors into a nearby apartment building and took off after them, among your brothers and sisters.

The air blowing into your face breathed a new life into you, and you finally found the purpose you had been lacking all these years.

You rose from the ashes of your past, and of those you had lost on the way to where you were now.

You knew then that Amelia would have been proud of you.

You heard the whoops and battle cries of your fellow soldiers around you and the wind screamed in your ears as you flew.

Still, somewhere in the midst of all that noise, you could almost hear the sound of a roar in the distance, and your heart soared.


	18. Heartbeat

The feral roars echoed throughout the atmosphere, sending chills down your aching spine.

 _What in the name of Sina is that?_ you thought, not for the first time since you had launched off the roof with your comrades.

The wind whipped your hair into your face, almost painfully, and you squinted against the gale as it blew all manner of debris - you weren't sure you wanted to know exactly _which_ manner - into your eyes.

As you soared deeper into the ever-darkening city towards your goal, you were comforted at last by the familiar whirring of the gear at your waist and thighs, twisting and pulling at all your limbs and joints. You could tell that they would leave behind the same dull purple markings that they always did. You found it strange that the bruises seemed so comforting to you now, when your fellow soldiers lay in pieces strewn across the city streets and alleyways.

You directed your thoughts elsewhere.

The roars tore through the air again and you closed your eyes.

You felt something stir in your heart but you couldn't possibly understand it.

"Follow Mikasa!" you heard a voice call from behind you. Jean.

You opened your eyes to see Mikasa swoop in and cleave the nape off a brown-haired titan so quickly you could barely see her. Even now, after all these years of knowing her, you were amazed by her. She was of a different caliber.

But...

_Oh, no._

"Mikasa!" you shouted in alarm. "You need to slow down!"

She didn't respond. Either she didn't hear you, or she didn't care. Considering how far ahead she was, you imagined it was the former.

"Mikasa!" you tried again, shocked by how shrill your voice was sounding.

"She’s amazing! How's she moving so fast?" Connie's called behind you.

"No, she's using too much gas!" you heard. You looked to your side to see Armin staring up at his friend in horror. "She'll run out soon! Mikasa!"

Mikasa was still in her own world, yanking and firing her anchors at break-neck speed. She looked like a demon, maybe an angel, cutting and slashing her way through all the titans that stood in her path. If you weren’t so afraid for her life, you would have been paralyzed with wonder.

"She's not herself," Armin said. "She's covering up her shock up with action! At this rate, she'll soon..."

No sooner did he speak the words than you saw Mikasa started to sink. Fast.

"Mikasa!" you heard a shout. You don't know who it was. It could have even been you. Your eyes stretched wide in horror as the tiny dot that was her fell like a stone until disappearing completely from sight.

You and Armin both put on a burst, and you could hear Jean and Connie shouting behind you. She was too far away... you couldn't be certain where she even fell.

The fire from earlier had returned, stronger than ever.

 _Wait for me. I will find you. I will not fail anyone else,_ you thought.

Armin slowly sank behind you as you overtook him, soaring from alleyway to alleyway until you found your friend. She was nowhere to be seen.

_Where are you? Damn it!_

When you took a break from using gas and the hissing quieted, you could hear screaming come from where you had left the rest of the group. You could only pray they would be okay.

_Damn it! Damnitdamnitdamnit!_

_Is this how it's to be? No matter where I am, no matter how hard I try, my friends, my family will die?_

_Will it ever end?_

You flew higher and higher, leaving the world behind you, nearly as high as the clock tower. Too long. You're taking too long. She could be dead, dying. Find her. Find her.

Titans’ heads dotted the city all around you. You were terrified that one of them, one of the ones walking with a purpose, with a prey... was honing in on your friend.

_Stay safe, Mikasa. Please, please, stay safe._

A minute passed.

And the world shifted.

A booming sound ripped through the air followed by a crackle, almost like thunder, sending you tumbling down and crashing into a roof in shock. You pulled yourself to your feet, panicked. Armin landed beside you, followed closely by Connie. They seemed as lost as you were.

"What the fuck was –" Connie started.

_CRASH._

This sound was even louder, and the ground beneath you shook with its force. You thought maybe a building collapsed, but you couldn't see what it might be that would cause such a reaction. The clock tower still stood. Smaller buildings crumbled around you like in one of the earthquakes you would read about in the military HQ's library.

An earth-shattering roar. Shingles clattered to the ground like raindrops.

A crashing sound.

_Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom._

The roaring continued, sounding positively enraged.

_…Rage?_

_No, that's not right._

The screaming and crashing continued for another half-minute before going silent.

Finally, it seemed like everything, even the titans, had paused.

You saw an unfamiliar, foreign-looking titan straighten up in a nearby alley.

_What the..._

The sun peeked through the clouds, out of character in the dank environment, illuminating the strange titan, tall, fourteen or fifteen meters, with a sheet of wild brown hair concealing his eyes. His lips were missing, revealing a massive set of teeth bared in a menacing sneer. He stared up at the sky, hair falling out of his face. Maybe he was a deviant.

_Wait…_

You stared, mesmerized.

Now that you could see them, you were most startled by his eyes.

They were green, full of pure, white hot rage.

They were so foreign and so familiar at the same time.

Your heart squeezed.

You took off, launching from the roof, but you noticed Armin had left before you, dropping down into the alley directly in front of the strange titan.

"Armin!" you screamed.

But Armin ascended as quickly as he descended, carrying a girl in his arms before crashing on a roof further away.

Mikasa.

You and Connie landed roughly down on the roof beside them.

"Armin! Mikasa! Are you hurt?" Connie asked.

You squatted down beside Mikasa, gripping her shoulder and looking at her with concern.

She looked like she had just seen a ghost, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Her gaze lifted to meet yours.

Had she seen it too?

She must have.

There was no way she didn't.

They looked like his. Those green eyes, filled with passion. With fire.

"Damn! Two fifteen-meter ones! We have to get out of here."

You looked up to see the same titan from before and a new titan approaching each other slowly, steps shaking the ground.

"No," Mikasa said quietly. "That's..."

Your eyes dropped. A huge, steaming corpse lay on the stone.

"How did -"

_ROAR._

The green-eyed titan opened its huge maw, letting out a heated bellow.

 _So that's where it was coming from_ , you thought as you watched the other titan shriek in response.

And what happened next, you would never, ever forget, as long or as short as you lived.

The strange titan dropped into the hand-to-hand combat pose you had been practicing all these years. The pose you and Eren had learned from Annie.

_...What?_

The other titan roared and charged, angry, and the strange titan swung his massive fist.

More shingles fell off the roof as the strange titan knocked the head clear off the other titan. It flew and collided with the clock tower before falling to the ground, covered in an avalanche of stone and wood.

All four of you were frozen.

The other titan fell forward, defeated, and the green-eyed titan drew up its deteriorated hand, regenerating it before your eyes with a speed you hadn’t known was possible.

_Why would it... Titans don't kill each other. It's a rogue? A rogue titan?_

The titan on the ground started trying to pick itself up, its neck steaming.

As if to confirm your suspicion about the titan being a rogue, it picked up its foot and stomped down once, hard on its nape. The other titan didn't move again.

"Did that titan just strike a finishing blow? It was almost like he knew that particular spot was vulnerable..." Armin mused aloud, voice tinged with both fear and wonder.

"Forget about it," Connie said shakily, backing away instinctively. "We have to get out of here before that one heads this way."

"No..." Armin said slowly. "That one’s not interested in us at all."

"It knows martial arts. What the hell is that about?" Mikasa asked quietly.

"Let's just call it a deviant and _move on_!" Connie pleaded desperately, unnerved.

"It could have attacked us at any point and it hasn't," Armin argued, folding his arms across his slender chest in surveying the area.

"Just _forget_ about it," Connie said forcefully. "We need to get back to HQ anyway. We don't have time to play scholar."

"Wait," you interjected, finally speaking again, snapping out of your reverie. "Mikasa's completely out of gas."

"What? Are you serious?" Connie balked. "What're we supposed to do without you?"

Mikasa looked blankly out over the city. Her eyebrows drew together in worry.

Armin looked between the two of them before dropping to the ground.

"Here," Armin started, disabling his gear. "Have mine."

"Armin!" you and Mikasa both shouted. Connie's jaw dropped almost comically.

"It's the only way," Armin said, removing his gas tanks. "I'm no use with them anyway. It's not like it was earlier. None of us are strong enough right now to be able to carry someone and move quickly enough to get away from the titans."

"Cut the shit," you growled. "We can still do it. We're not giving up yet."

"Absolutely," Mikasa agreed, putting her hands on her hips authoritatively.

"This time, just use it carefully," Armin continued, ignoring the two of you. "To save everyone."

Mikasa closed her eyes, letting out a steady breath. You and Connie both fell silent.

"I took the lead, even though I wasn't prepared to be responsible for everyone's lives," she whispered.  
"And I almost gave up on my life because I didn't feel that responsibility... for my own selfish reasons. I..."

Armin had replaced Mikasa's gas tanks with his own, pretending not to hear her words. You didn't think she had noticed. "Done. It will be fully functional now, just... leave me one blade. The last thing I want is to be eaten alive," he laughed darkly, looking at the broken metal in his hand.

Mikasa knelt down beside him, gently taking the blade that reflected his quivering eyes out of his hand. She straightened up and threw it down into the alley before going back to his side, sliding her small hand into his.

"Mikasa... why? Why?" he croaked.

"Armin," she said gently, but with the firmness that was only hers. "I will not leave you here."

She pulled him to his feet, still holding tightly to his hand.

Watching them, you found your heart aching for Eren more strongly than it had since you lost him.

Armin swallowed, composing himself, and Mikasa waited patiently. You could hear the rogue titan from several alleys over. His cry was still so loud that it almost hurt your ears to listen. He effectively killed another titan as the four of you watched.

Armin suddenly froze, staring at it with a funny look in his eye.

You knew that look well. He was planning something.

"Listen," Armin said fiercely, his strength returned, staring at the rogue titan. "I have an idea."

You turned to look at the strange titan as he roared in the distance.

You still didn't know what it meant.

But it lit your heart aflame.

~

_This is fucking crazy._

_We are absolutely fucking crazy._

So were the thoughts going through your mind as you, Mikasa, Connie, and Armin carried out the blonde boy's idea.

You swooped down, slicing up the nape of another titan. Mikasa was up ahead, doing much of the same. Connie carried Armin behind you, slowly but surely avoiding any and all obstacles. Last in the group, the rogue howled as it locked in combat with another titan.

The HQ didn't seem so far off now, or so impossible to reach.

You were going to make it.

You just hoped that the ones you left behind had made it too.

Finally, you dropped into the HQ tower through broken windows, the rogue titan directly behind you.

The first thing you saw was Marco.

"Oh, thank God," you breathed, pulling him into a hug.

"I am so glad you're safe," he responded, returning the gesture.

You could see Jean, Sasha, Reiner, Bertl, Annie, and several other former cadets around the room as well. Some had not made it, but you were grateful that all the ones present were only injured. That, at least, they were alive.

Connie patted Armin roughly on the back and the blonde boy winced. "We were running on fumes, but we made it!" He then stood up and walked over to where Jean and Mikasa were talking quietly, stopping to ruffle Sasha’s hair affectionately along the way. She patted his back briefly, a relieved smile on her face. "Look! This titan is a rare deviant that kills its own kind. Furthermore, it shows no interest in us. Look! Look!"

Everyone leaned over to get a look out the large gap in the wall without making themselves exposed to the titans' grips. The rogue titan walked by not fifteen feet from the gap and several of the soldiers stepped back in abject horror, but the beast didn't even spare a glance in their direction.

Jean seemed skeptical. "A titan, our savior? Only in your dreams!"

You noticed that Jean looked far more sunken in than even just that morning. He had always been tall and thin, but his cheeks seemed hollowed out and under his eyes was a dark bruising like he hadn't slept in a week. His lips were bloodied and looked like he had been biting them. He had an almost wild look about him. What had happened?

You knew it was probably better not to ask.

Mikasa's voice came from the back of the group. "It's not a dream. He kills only other titans. I've seen it over and over again."

You nodded. "We can use him. He's stronger than other titans. We need to keep him fighting as long as possible."

Jean looked at you with narrowed eyes. "How certain are you of this?"

Mikasa scowled. Your expression was no different. "I would say 'I would bet my life', but it seems I already have," you retorted dryly.

Jean pursed his lips, but halted his questioning. "Okay. Well. For now, at least, we need to refuel and rearm ourselves."

There was murmur of agreement, and you nodded. "Good idea." You looked to one of the Quartermaster Corps. soldiers. "Will you show us where the fuel depot is?"

The boy, nose bloodied (recently, you noted), shook his head with panicked eyes. "I can't."

Jean scowled. "Why not, coward?"

Marco nudged his shoulder scoldingly, and Jean rolled his eyes. The boy look terrified of Jean.

You thought you could infer what had happened with the bloody nose from their exchange.

The boy cleared his throat and continued. "There are, um, titans. Lots of them. Inside the depot. We couldn't get in there."

"So you said," Jean growled. "Why didn’t you just kill them?"

The boy gaped at Jean.

Marco gripped Jean's forearm gently. "Jean. Leave them be. We can take care of it."

Jean looked like there was more he wanted to say, but he let it go. "Yeah. Whatever. We'd do a better job anyway."

The boy visibly relaxed, and his friend, a traumatized looking girl, gripped his hand tightly. You felt bad for them.

You knew the terror that they were feeling now.

"At least show us the way, please," Marco requested, as kind as ever.

The girl looked up at him and nodded. "Okay. It’s below the armoury. Follow me."

The group of twenty or so soldiers followed the two quartermasters down the stairs briskly, two steps at a time. You didn’t have any time to waste.

Finally, you reached the basement level, with a single lift on the far side. There was a door that you assumed led to the armoury the girl had mentioned. You did not descend the elevator to the fuel depot.

"They're down there," the girl said shakily, pointing a trembling finger at the lift. "Maybe… six or seven of them? All small enough to fit inside, though. Four, five meters, tops."

Jean sighed, beckoning a few of the nearby soldiers. "I'm going to go search the floor for anything useful. Come on."

You made your way over to a platform where you started stretching out your sore and injured legs while you waited. It was certainly bearable, but in top shape, you were not. You would make do.

After a bit, the soldiers returned with Military-grade rifles. Whether or not they would work was a different story.

They had to, though. They were your only shot at survival.

Armin laid out a large graph paper on the ground, drawing the floor plan of the basement with the assistance of the quartermasters.

Before long, a plan was formed.

~

An hour or so later, you took the lift back up into the armoury, clutching your rifle in your hands so hard your knuckles turned white.

You had only been one of the gunmen firing at the small titans due to your minor injuries, but still, you thought your heart would leap out of your chest when you saw the same titan that had killed Mina turn its evil gaze on you.

Those huge eyes.

You shivered.

They were all dead now, so you shouldn't think about it anymore, but you couldn’t help yourself.

You didn't think you'd ever be able to close your eyes again without seeing that horrible face.

At least it was over now.

All that was left was to ascend the wall and get out of this goddess-forsaken district.

"[Name]?" someone called.

"Hmm?" you looked up to see Mikasa coming over to you. "What's up?"

"I needed to talk to you, privately," she said softly. "Mind if I sit?"

"Of course not," you said, gesturing beside you.

She sat down, and the two of you waited in silence.

 _What does she want?_ you wondered.

_Does she…_

_Oh._

Before you knew it, you were the one speaking first.

"I'm sorry."

She raised her eyes. "Why?"

You struggled to keep your heartbeat regular as you spoke. "I was with him. I tried to save him, but I wasn't fast enough."

"[Name]," Mikasa said. "I didn't come here to blame you. I will never blame you or anyone else but the titans. They are at fault. Not you. Not Armin. Not me," she said with the smallest of smiles.

You weren’t entirely convinced, but you smiled back anyway. "Thank you, Mikasa."

"There is only one thing we have to do now," she said. "Keep fighting and live so that we can remember him. Because if we don’t, no one else will."

You nodded. "You're right."

She gripped your hand tightly before letting it go. "I wanted to talk about something else, though."

You looked at her curiously. "...I'm listening."

She paused, uncertain, before continuing. "I know we can leave anytime now that we've refueled, but... I want to go find that titan again. See what it’s doing. See if there is anything we can do with it."

You knew it was a bad idea. You did, you knew. But you didn't care.

You had to see, too.

You looked her in the eyes. "I do, too. I don’t know why, but there was something about it. We can't just leave it to die without trying to figure out what it is and whether or not it can help us."

Mikasa pursed her lips. "Yeah. I don't know why either, but you're right."

"Good," you said, standing up tenderly. Now that all the adrenaline had died down, your legs were getting uncomfortable to stand on. "Let's go before anyone notices."

Checking around you, you both made your way up to the top floor where you had initially entered the building and took off out through the gap. It didn't take you long to find the rogue titan. You just had to follow the rising steam.

What you saw caused you to drop to your knees.

" _No_ ," you groaned, head falling down onto your chest.

Mikasa said nothing. The two of you simply stood silently, watching while a small group of titans ate the rogue as he lay prone against a wall. He had finally fallen.

After several minutes of the horrifying sight, you heard someone call your name. "[Name]! Mikasa! What are you –"

Armin stopped short once he saw it. "Wha –? Cannibalism?"

The titan roared weakly, trying to get up off the wall. It did not get very far before being pushed back against it. The sight was so pathetic it was almost sad.

"Can't it regenerate?" he asked.

No one answered. The answer was obvious.

"I thought this was our way out," you said weakly, falling back into a sit. "And now it's gone."

"We could have learned so much from it," Mikasa said, almost mournfully.

"I agree," came a deeper voice.

You looked over to see Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, and Jean watching over the titan as well. 

Reiner continued. "So if we let it get eaten, we won't learn a thing. Let's drive away the titans and keep it alive."

You looked up in interest to see the determined glint in Reiner’s eyes, but Jean gaped in disbelief. "Are you crazy, Reiner? We are not going to risk our lives for a titan!"

"What if there's a possibility of that titan becoming our ally?” Annie piped up. “What stronger weapon could there be?"

"That titan is not going to be an ally! Are you serious?" Jean shouted, pointing at the subject of discussion.

“But what if we –” Mikasa started, but she was cut off.

Armin gasped. "Oh, no. Look!"

Your head snapped up and you felt rage and horror fill your entire being all at once.

_That's... the deviant that ate Thomas._

It seemed so long ago. It was hard to believe it had only been a few hours. Since you lost Thomas, since you lost Mina, since you lost Eren.

You stood up quickly, on high alert, ignoring your discomfort, before a scream seemed to split the sky into pieces and your attention was drawn away.

The rogue titan pushed itself off the wall, shaking off the smaller titans like stray leaves, letting out a deafening blast as it started charging towards the deviant. You would never know the position he had just been in seconds earlier. Pieces of his skin fell from his body, revealing ribs. His arms had been ripped off and eaten, but he was not daunted.

He gripped the back of the deviant's neck in his teeth and lifted its whole body up above his head, still growling angrily from the back of his throat. He swung the deviant around, batting away another titan with so much force that it crushed the building behind it, and then dropped the deviant to ground, dead. Its nape was crushed. The rogue let out one final roar.

Jean scoffed. "Save it, my ass."

Then, as if to mock his words, the rogue titan pitched forward where it lay motionless.

_What the hell? It was like it knew…_

_Like it knew that was the titan that killed Thomas. That caused all of this._

The titan started steaming.

_What?_

Everything else in the world drained away as you watched.

You could hear Jean making comments from behind you, but you did not hear him.

You were staring.

At the titan's nape. Where the steam was the most concentrated.

_What is that?_

"It's time to go now. Haven't you all had enough?" Jean asked, grabbing your shoulder.

"Shut up, Jean," you said, shaking him off.

_That looks like... a person?_

"What is it with all of you?" Jean groaned, coming over to the edge of the roof, where he stopped, dead in his tracks. "What... _is_ … that?"

The steam started to clear, revealing what was clearly a human body seated in the nape of the rogue titan's neck. He was bent at a funny angle, his face lodged inside the titan's muscle. It was more than a little disturbing, but you couldn’t look away.

Slowly, the person pulled outwards until he tore free, leaning up with his face turned to the sky. But it was clearly a person. A man.

The light from the sun shone on his face.

…a boy.

A familiar boy.

You heard Mikasa gasp quietly beside you.

Your legs gave out.

"No," you said, clutching at the tiles on the roof, at your chest, heaving heavy breaths. You knew right away you that were hyperventilating; you were breathing too fast, so fast you couldn’t catch any breath at all. 

_No. No. Please. Don't do this to me. Don't,_ you begged internally, begging whoever was listening, whatever god, whatever devil, already feeling your eyes get hot.

_Eren?_

_Eren, is that really you?_

_Why are you here?_

_You're dead._

_You're supposed to be dead._

_I saw you die._

_This isn't possible._

_Am I crazy?_

You heard a line zipping and then Mikasa was gone from your side. You wanted to beg her to stay with you, _please_ , don’t leave, but you could not move nor speak. You heard another zipping sound, then another, then another, but you didn't know nor care whose they were.

You put your head in your hands, feeling like a headache would split your skull. You could hear Mikasa sobbing, and vaguely registered your surprise at the sound. Mikasa? Crying?

"How is he…?"

Jean. Jean was still behind you.

You wanted to look, to see, but…

_I can't do it. It would be too cruel._

You sat so long that you felt like you were melting into the roof. Eventually, you heard muffled voices – talking about you, you thought – and felt someone pick you up beneath your legs, bridal style. You didn't care. You didn't get angry like you normally would. Then you felt the roof disappear beneath your feet, but you could almost feel it clinging to you like quicksand as it fell away and you rose, up, up. You looked up. Brown hair. Bertholdt was carrying you?

_Why? Put me down._

_Let me die down there._

_Let me be with him._

Then you were on the wall. Wall Rose. Mikasa was still crying, quietly now, and everyone else was silent. Bertl gently placed you down. Mikasa was holding someone, but you dared not look at who. You sat, with your head between your legs, praying for everything to go away so you wouldn’t have to face reality.

You couldn’t look at him. No. Not when you’d already seen.

Finally, Mikasa’s crying came to a stop and you felt a hand on your shoulder.

Armin was beside you. "[Name]. Look at me."

You looked up, your eyes feeling swollen. Were you crying?

Everyone was gone except for Armin and Mikasa. There was someone lying on the ground. A body. You didn't look.

"Everyone else?" you asked weakly.

"They left to report in," Armin explained patiently.

"And... who…?" you started, trying to say it. The words didn't come.

_There is no way. I can't get my hopes up. It will kill me. It will kill me._

"I think you should come with me for a second," Armin said, gripping your hand and pulling on it. "Can you stand?"

"I... think so," you said shakily, standing up on unsteady feet. You hated how weak you were. You looked at Armin, refusing to see anything else. "Armin… what's going on?"

"Please come here," he said calmly, pulling you along.

He was bringing you to... the body. His body.

You closed your eyes, halting, tears dripping down off your eyelashes and landing on your cheeks. "Armin, I can't, I can't, please, _please_."

"No, just come see, [Name], it's okay,” he reassured.

Mikasa finally spoke up, quietly, eyes red. "It's okay."

You looked between the two of them, conflicted.

You trusted them. They were all you had left.

You nodded. "Okay."

You let Armin lead you and then knelt down, still avoiding looking at the body on the ground before you.

_Just do it, [Name]. Just look at him._

_You need to look at him._

You gradually raised your eyes.

Fabric. Cadet Corps. uniform fabric. And... a left arm? He shouldn't have...

You looked down. Both of his legs were still there too.

You felt relieved and heartbroken at the same time. This wasn't him. It couldn't be. But then why would they –

You looked up and your heart leapt into your throat.

Eren slept, looking as peaceful as you ever saw him. His eyes were closed, but you knew well the brilliant green that lay behind them.

You heart thundered in your chest.

"…This is impossible,” you whispered hoarsely, before slowly placing your hand on his chest.

You would not allow yourself to hope, but…

_Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum._

"Oh, Sina," you whimpered, voice cracking, laying your whole head against his chest and wrapping your arms around his back, pulling him to you as tightly as you could.

_Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum._

You could not just feel it now; you could hear it. His heartbeat. Eren had a heartbeat. Eren was...

Alive.


	19. Together Or Not At All

_Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum._

Each beat of his heart aligned with your own, bringing you life.

_Alive. He's alive. Oh, Goddesses, he's alive._

You pressed your face even further into his chest, tightening your arms around his limp torso. 

You couldn't imagine ever letting him go.

_Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum._

You felt that his shirt was wet where your face was pressed, and you wondered whether or not you were crying. You noted that you didn't care either way. A fog surrounded you and Eren, and everything outside the fog... was muted. Like a blanket had been thrown over it, dulling your sense of hearing. All that mattered, all that you cared about, was that Eren was here, with you, and he was _alive_.

You had been kneeling by his side for seconds, for minutes, for hours, _days_ , you weren't sure, before you noticed the tapping on your shoulder and it got too insistent to ignore.

"What?" you snapped. At least you _tried_ to snap. The voice sounded so weak, too weak to belong to you. Somewhere in the back of your mind you were embarrassed by how small it sounded. It didn’t sound like you at all.

Armin's soft voice was what reached you through the fog. "[First], we have to take him back. We can't just keep sitting around up here. He needs to be examined to make sure everything is… alright. And we probably need to report in, as well."

You let your eyes fall closed, drawing in a deep breath. "Okay. Just give me one more minute. Please."

Armin hesitated, blonde eyebrows rising in concern. "...Alright. Just one more minute. Then I will carry him down and you can follow. You're still injured."

You wanted to argue, to insist that you would be okay and that you wanted to help. But after a brief mental assessment of the state you were in, you realized he was right. Your injured legs were barely strong enough to carry you alone, and your arms weren’t doing much better. You were battered and bruised, and dried blood from you-weren’t-even-sure-what was caked onto the side of your face, over the old scar. You had a headache that may become a problem later. Perhaps a concussion. You wouldn’t want to _risk_ trying to carry another person, in case you dropped them or something else happened.

You sighed, relenting. "Okay, fine, but -"

The zip of someone landing nearby made you break off your sentence and look up to see the new arrival, whoever it was. It was Jean.

He stood awkwardly a few feet away, shifting restlessly. It gave you a bad feeling.

Your eyes narrowed.

"Um, hey," Jean said reluctantly, scratching at the back of his neck.

"You're all done with the debriefing?" Mikasa asked. She sounded as suspicious as you felt.

"Yes," he continued, and you didn't like the tone of his voice. "The higher-ups are... concerned about Eren. Upset, actually. They want you to bring him to the courtyard just over the wall ASAP. They... suspect that he's allied with the titans. That he _is_ a titan. Or something."

Your jaw dropped.

"What?" you heard Armin's incredulous voice. "I mean, I know it seemed bad, but that's impossible. People can’t be titans. Or vice versa."

Mikasa didn’t seem to care about that. "What are they planning on doing to him?" Mikasa growled.

You pulled Eren back towards you protectively, like Jean was the threat. You knew it was pointless, that he was just trying to help, but you couldn’t help it.

"I don't know," Jean said quickly, sadly. "I’m sorry, you don't have a lot of time. I’d have come sooner but they just let me go. They're sending someone to get him now. I just thought I'd give you a head's up so you can, I don’t know… try to figure something out.” He was backing away, towards the edge of the wall, fingers twitching on the triggers of his gear.

"Jean, wait -" you called.

But he was already gone.

You looked at Eren with concern.

"A titan? But how? We've known him for years..." you whispered.

"I've known him his whole life," Armin said, distraught. "And never seen or heard of _anything_ like that. No one has. But... that is what it looks like. He emerged from the titan's weak point, suspected to be their central system. It... makes sense. But it makes _no_ sense! _How_ can a person be a titan?"

"I don't know," Mikasa said fiercely. "But it doesn't matter. He didn't hurt anyone! He only killed titans. Surely they will understand that."

"I don't know that they will," Armin spoke quickly. "His actions aside, they are not likely to bet the whole population's existence on an unknown variable. And Eren's... titan is an unknown variable. We don't even have more than one experience to show that the probability is that he is harmless to humans. And we don't know whether it will ever happen again so we can _have_ that chance! It vaporized! Maybe that was that. Maybe it wasn't even 'his' titan. Maybe... maybe..." Armin fell silent, eyes wide. "I don't know."

You stood up and crossed your arms, looking out over the destroyed district. You took a deep breath, trying to ground yourself again. Trying to collect yourself. _No more weakness and dramatics,_ you scolded yourself.

Eren was alive. Now it was your job to make sure he stayed that way.

And Eren was in danger.

"It doesn't matter what the deal with that titan is right now," you said, rounding on the two, relieved to find that your voice sounded strong again. Eren still lay prone. "The most immediate issue here is how we're gonna stop the higher-ups from doing anything to hurt him."

Armin nodded, brows furrowing. "You're right. There will be plenty of time to figure out this rogue titan thing later."

Mikasa spoke quietly, but her voice was hard. "We will do whatever it takes to keep him safe."

The two of you nodded in agreement at her resolution.

A second zipping sound tore through the air and you heard a pair of boots fall heavily to the surface behind you.

"Cadets," a voice called. "Come with me. I will carry… that," he said with disgust, pointing his chin at Eren’s unconscious form.

Anger flared in you, but you held your tongue. "…Yes, sir."

The other two echoed you. "Yes, sir." The tone of Mikasa's voice was downright terrifying.

The soldier looked perturbed, but said nothing. He picked Eren up by his midsection, holding him under his arm and clipping him to his harness as a safety measure. “Follow.”

Without another word, he left.

Angry and filled with purpose, the three of you obeyed.

~

You landed roughly on your sore legs in a small clearing, the courtyard the soldier mentioned, surrounded by a huge crowd of soldiers, seemingly all members of the Garrison Regiment. Every face had one thing in common - the dangerous look of a person who is both angry and very, very frightened.

The soldier who had escorted you unclipped Eren and dropped him unceremoniously onto the stone. You flinched.

"Now step aside and let us proceed with the interrogation, cadets,” he ordered, turning to leave.

"He isn't even conscious yet," Armin countered.

"We're not going anywhere," you growled.

Mikasa merely glared.

The soldier turned slightly to face you. "Then, when he gets executed, you will go with him," he warned, throwing a nasty look at the unconscious boy. 

_When?_

" _If_ that happens, you will have to go through us anyway," you snarled. “So we are _not going anywhere._ ”

The soldier raised his upper lip in an ugly sneer. "If you would defend him, you can be judged with him as a traitor to humanity. Doesn't matter to me."

He turned and strutted off towards what looked like the leader of the group. Captain Kitts Woerman; you could see him now. The same crazy-eyed garrison official who had given such an ‘inspirational’ pep talk before you were all dispatched to your squads earlier in the day. It seemed like a century ago, so it was hard to believe it was only a few hours. But he looked even more haggard now. The dark circles under his eyes were visible even from your distance. You could see the whites of his eyes.

The first soldier said something to him, and then the captain looked out towards your group sharply.

"Cadets!" he called, voice cracking with strain.

You heard a groan from down by your feet.

"Eren!" Armin whispered, sitting him up gently. "You have to wake up! Now!"

You looked over your shoulder with concern and saw that he was still unconscious. You turned to face Woerman again, you and Mikasa both stepping forward, blades out, to create a wall in front of the two boys.

Eren groaned softly again. "…I will kill them all."

Eren's voice chilled you to the bone.

"Eren!" Armin gaped.

After a few silent seconds, Eren gasped. He must have realized the situation you were all in.

You and Mikasa both turned slightly to look at him, keeping your bodies facing the soldiers... the threat. Eren was kneeling next to Armin, his arm slung over the blonde's shoulders for support, and he looked horrified. He looked at Mikasa and then to you. You held his gaze, and nodded.

"Stay calm. We'll figure this out," you mouthed to him.

You couldn't tell from his face whether or not he understood.

Armin was speaking rapid-fire, trying to assess Eren's mental and physical state. Eren said nothing.

"Did you hear that? He wants to kill us!" someone shouted from the group.

"Yeah! He said it, clear as day! You heard him!" another called, enraged.

A chatter rose up from the group, surrounding the four of you with the noises of anger.

"What the hell are they talking about? Why do they have weapons trained on us?" Eren said softly. Uncertainly.

"Cadets Jaeger, Ackerman, Arlert, and [Last]!” Woerman screamed from his perch. You tensed. “Your actions constitute treason! I am conducting an inquiry to decide what to do with you! If you don't tell the truth, or if you move from that spot, we will fire the cannons without hesitation!” You felt the blood drain from your face and noticed, for the first time, the cannons upon the wall. “Answer directly! What are you? Human? Or titan?"

Eren was silent for a few seconds, staring with wide, confused eyes at the captain. "I don't understand your question!"

"Feigning ignorance?” Woerman scoffed. “You monster! I dare you to say it again! I will blow you away! You won't even have a chance to show your true form!”

Eren responded more quickly this time. “…True form?”

Woerman’s voice rose an octave in outrage. “There are plenty of witnesses! They saw you emerge from _within_ the titan’s nape! We allowed an unknown creature like you to pass into Wall Rose! You may be cadets of His Majesty's forces, but it is our duty to eliminate any threat swiftly! I AM NOT WRONG!”

Woerman’s desperate and crazed screaming made evident the fact that… he was just afraid. He didn’t know what to do.

You almost pitied him.

“The armored titan could appear at any time to destroy the wall!” he continued, voice shrilly battering your brain, making your headache worse. “Humanity is on the brink of extinction! Don't you see? We can't spare the soldiers or the time to deal with you! I will fire a shell into you without hesitation!" he cut his arm down like a sword, pointing an accusatory and shaky finger at Eren.

_Is he trying to convince us or himself?_

A small, ashen-haired woman next to him spoke something to him softly. You could not hear what.

After a few seconds, one of the soldiers called out to kill Eren while he was still vulnerable in human form. There were shouts of agreement from all around.

You saw red, and your skin heated up with prickly anger.

You stepped forward, ignoring the rows of soldiers shifting their guns to train them on you. 

"NO!" you shouted, stranding your ground, feet shoulder length apart. You still held your blades, but they were lowered.

Everyone fell silent, looking toward you.

"You will not _touch_ him," you snarled. Your own voice seemed to belong more to an animal than any human. "I will _kill_ anyone who even dares to try."

Mikasa stepped up beside you, eyes dark with malice.

Captain Woerman's face blanched and his mouth feel open. "Traitor! The cadets defend him! For all we know, they are all like him!"

There were cries of outrage.

Another soldier next to Captain Woerman, a blonde man, spoke softly, and Woerman seemed to consider Mikasa carefully.

"[First]? Mikasa? Please, tell me what's going on!" Eren’s panicked voice rose up from behind you, but you forced yourself to ignore it, maintaining eye contact with the captain. You needed him to see how serious you were.

You would kill him in a _second_ if he tried anything.

"Guys, killing other humans won't accomplish anything! They’ll hunt you down! There is nowhere to hide inside the walls!"

That was Armin’s voice, coming from the same small area as Eren. He must still be supporting him. Eren wasn’t strong enough to get away, and all of you were injured to an extent.

It would be hard, but you would figure it out.

"I will kill _anyone_ if that’s what it takes to prevent Eren from being killed," Mikasa hissed. "I don't need another reason."

You said nothing, continuing to glare at the captain.

"Just _talk_ with them!” Armin begged. “No one understands the situation! They're just afraid!”

Woerman’s voice broke through the still air. “I will ask you once more! What are you? Are you human? Or are you titan?”

You turned slightly. You could see the despair on Eren’s face as he struggled with his memories, trying to find some ground, something solid, to rely on. His eyes shot around, from his friends, to the soldiers, to the walls and the cannons.

You saw the moment he came to a decision.

“I'm human!” he screamed at nothing and everything, sweat dripping down his temple.

There was complete silence.

Captain Woerman's mouth closed and he stared straight ahead, almost tiredly. The lines in his face were so sharp they looked to be made of glass. The only movement belonged to the debris being blown around in the soft breeze.

“I see,” Woerman said sadly. “Please don't hate me. I have no choice. Since no one can prove... that you _aren't_ evil.”

His hand snapped into a stiff upwards gesture. You could hear movement from up on the walls - by the cannons. They were being loaded.

Mikasa kicked into action first. "Eren! [First]! Armin! We have to get out - up! We have to go up!”

She ran back, tackling Eren and picking him up into her arms seemingly without any effort. His eyes widened and trained on the cannons being loaded.

“No, don't!” he yelled, slamming his feet down and pulling hard on her arm. “No time!”

Eren twisted, thrashing until he fell from Mikasa's hold. He gripped her wrist and yanked her after him, charging towards you and Armin, taking you both into his arms so tightly it hurt and the breath was knocked out of you like in a vacuum. Your nose was digging into his clavicle, your fingers tangled in his ruined tunic, and he was holding you up so tightly that your feet weren’t touching the ground. Armin was in a similar position, while Mikasa was simply held in close by her arm linked with Eren’s, and although she seemed reluctant, she trusted him and did not try to break away.

You heard a blast and felt the air shift, like the fraction of a second after a dam breaks.

The cannon had been fired, and you were all directly in its path. It would be zooming towards you now like a falling star, fire and rage, injustice, death impending. Your eyes fell shut in wait.

_At least I get to be with them when I die. With him._

_At least I got to see him one last time._

But it was not to be. Not today.

Eren's arm wrenched around your neck and you gasped in pain. He pulled his hand up to his mouth. You were pressed against his side, four pairs of legs tangled together.

You felt a small splatter of blood hit your cheek and wondered where it had come from.

Lightning struck.

An explosion like you'd never experience again wrenched you away from the others, rattling your every bone, shaking your teeth, and you heard a prolonged crashing. Eren was gone. Your knees hit the stone with a thud.

Long, white beams shot around you, Mikasa, and Armin like a bone prison.

Bone.

And flesh.

You couldn't see what was happening, but at last, you heard the explosion of the cannon and squeezed your eyes shut, bracing for pain.

It never hit you.

You opened your eyes to smoke.

You were sitting now on the stone. It stank of... you didn't even know what. It was horrible. Pungent. And it was hot. You clenched your teeth and felt your eyes open impossible wide.

The three of you sat within a massive, fleshy ribcage. Nothing below it, just the upper part of a torso. Somewhere above you, you could make out a massive, skinless skull and one shoulder of muscle and tendons. The fleshy arm attached to it had been thrown out in the direction of the cannonball, likely to intercept it before impact. It left a gruesome mess as a result. The other half of the body was far less developed, and merely had some pieces of… skin… hanging off it in certain areas. If you weren’t so shocked you might have gotten sick.

Tiny shards of bone fell from the shifting skull, lightly bouncing off your skin. Not... intentionally, it seemed. It was disintegrating.

You could hear Woerman screaming, but you couldn't make out the words through the ringing in your ears.

You vaguely remember hoping that you wouldn't go deaf from the explosion.

You felt the thing, the titan, shift, almost twitch, and then heard a loud hissing noise. Eren must have freed himself from it.

You looked down, gathering your senses as the ringing in your ears subsided, and were shocked to see a few purple flowers from the courtyard peeking up through the stone, unaffected by all the chaos. They bent lightly in the breeze.

As the skeleton started to decompose, steam and smoke poured out even faster, covering up everything outside the ribcage. They definitely couldn’t see you now. The three of you sat within, Mikasa being the only one with any semblance of calm.

Armin started murmuring. "All I remember is the cannon shot... and now we're inside a giant skeleton.” He sounded half curious, half horrified.

"Eren protected us," Mikasa stated firmly. That was one of the things you appreciated about her. She bounced back so quickly, and there was never any bullshit.

You tried to make a meaningful contribution to the conversation.

"There are flowers," you pointed out flatly.

The others followed your gaze, eyes wide.

"Hey!" Eren's voice called as he ran out of the smoke. "Are you guys alright? Nobody is hurt?"

You could see one of the ribs behind him start to burn away like paper in a bonfire. You couldn't find the words to answer him.

"What happened?" Armin asked, his blue pupils tiny in his wide eyes.

Eren froze for a second, then shook his head. "I don't know. Look, we need to go. The titan is gonna vaporize soon."

The three of you stood up and followed him out into the smoke where you could see the group of garrison soldiers a little better.

Eren continued. "They are either still watching us or preoccupied with something else. When they see we survived, they will likely continue their attack. After this, I highly doubt talking will accomplish anything,” he said bleakly. “…But I did remember something. When I was… inside. The basement. The basement in my old house in Shiganshina. My father said I would understand everything if I went there. I am this way because of something my father did,” he growled. “If I can get to the basement... I'll learn the _truth_ about the titans.”

He punched a rib. The bone fractured under his fist like glass.

"Damn it! If he knew, why did he hide it? Isn't that information vital to humanity's survival? Thousands of scouts have lost their lives trying to learn as much!” he raged. The three of you remained silent as he paced around the small area inside the crumbling skeleton. “And he kept it hidden away in our basement. What the hell was he thinking? And _where has he been all these years?_ ”

His anger was reaching dangerous levels, so you stepped in. "Eren," you spoke softly, laying your hand on his arm. He froze, not facing you. "We have to worry about our current situation right now. We can discuss all this later."

He immediately cooled down. He nodded and turned to face you, resolute. "Yeah."

A side of the ribcage collapsed and the head finally broke free, crashing to the ground nearby and shattering, sending a wave of smoke and dust out. You all bent down to cover your faces as much as possible. You coughed softly.

People were screaming and barking orders from outside, alarmed at the sudden crash, no doubt. The smoke was clearing. You were running out of time before you’d be forced to confront them again.

"...I'm getting out of here," Eren said from his crouch before straightening up.

Armin gasped, grabbing Eren’s elbow. "What? But where will you go?"

Eren shrugged, a dark expression in his green eyes. "Anywhere. For now. After that, I'll scale the wall and head to my old basement. I'll become a titan again, to protect myself.”

You shook your head. "How do you even do it?"

Eren made a fist with his hand, staring at it, thinking hard. "I don't know how I do it... how I know. But I know I can. The same way I can't explain how I move my arm,” he said, flexing his arm lightly. “Earlier, I just reacted. The only thing I was thinking was that I had to stop that cannon shell. And it happened. That's why my body didn't have... functionality or movability. It had that singular purpose.” He flexed his hand and closed his fist again, shaking in anger. “I'll do it again, better this time. A fifteen-meter, like the one who killed all those titans before!”

You noticed a bead of blood drip from his nose.

"Eren," you said softly, reaching out.

"Your nose is bleeding," Mikasa observed.

Armin's eyes narrowed. "You're pale and your breathing is ragged. It's clearly messing with your body.”

"I don't care! Right now, my condition doesn't matter,” he snapped, as stubborn as he ever was. “I have two ideas right now. If you guys don't actively try to protect me, you won't be killed. You've already been in enough danger because of me…. From here on, I should go alone.”

You snorted. “Like hell you will! I'm going with you.”

He shot you a glare. You could tell you were in for an argument. “No. You _aren't._ ”

“If I can't keep up, you won't have to worry about it," you challenged with a smirk.

"And technically, you can't stop us," Mikasa added fiercely.

"I'm telling you to forget it! I'm _not_ your kid brother and I don't need _you_ to take care of me!" he shot that last one towards you, but you held your ground, sticking your chin up at him like a child. You didn’t care. You weren’t going to lose this battle, no matter what.

“I watched you die once,” you said lowly. “And I will not be forced to do it again.”

That shut him up.

“I saw one titan bite off your leg and watched you fall twenty feet onto a rooftop and skid until you were missing some skin,” you snarled. “I saw Mina, Nack, Millius, and Thomas die _horribly_. I watched you push me and Armin out of the way of danger so could sacrifice yourself and get eaten by this huge, grisly monster that is burned into the backs of my eyelids so I see it every time I blink, _don’t you dare think you are going to be able to talk me out of this._ ”

You knew you had taken it too far by the look on Armin’s face, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

Eren watched you quietly for a moment. “...I’m sorry.”

You shook your head. “Don’t be sorry. Just don’t expect for me to just abandon you now, not after all of that. We’re in this together or not at all.”

He paused, but then nodded in understanding. “Well, I said I had two ideas, didn't I?” he reminded gently, with a small smile that told you - you had won the argument.

“Don’t keep us waiting, then,” you replied, with a triumphant grin.

Eren turned to face his friend. “Armin, the rest is up to you.”

Armin was drawn out of his stunned silence. “…Huh?”

Eren began, “I know this will sound ridiculous, but the most effective use of this new ‘titan power’ would be to strategically use it on behalf of the troops,” he stated decisively. “This may sound crazy, but if you can convince the Garrison Regiment that I don't pose a threat... I will believe you and do whatever you say I need to. That is my second idea. If you don't think it's possible, I will go with the first idea. As a last resort.”

You all turned as you heard the cranking of the canon being re-sighted somewhere above.

Eren turned a hard gaze on him. “You have fifteen seconds to decide. Whether you can or can't. I will respect your decision either way.”

The cannon clicked into place.

Armin shook his head incredulously, dirty, blonde hair falling into his face. “Eren... How can you leave such a huge decision up to me?”

Eren smiled grimly. “Because you always know what to do when things get hairy. I trust your judgement.”

You and Mikasa nodded in agreement.

“When have I ever...?” Armin asked, brows furrowed, searching his memories.

“Plenty of times!” Eren said. “Like when Shiganshina fell. If you hadn't told Hannes what was happening, Mikasa and I would be dead. Devoured.”

Armin's face went blank. The spine of the rogue titan collapsed behind him, but he didn't seem to even notice.

“Armin, we're running out of time!” Mikasa said in an unusually pitched voice.

“The cannon is reloaded! On your order, sir!” That sounded like the woman standing near Hannes.

Armin lowered his head and you watched him, your skin itching. You looked nervously through the clearing smoke and then back to Eren, who was watching Armin with steady, tired eyes.

You’d never seen him look so old.

Armin stood up abruptly, shaking you out of your reverie. "I will convince them. You three do your best to look as non-threatening as possible.”

You all nodded as Armin turned and marched straight through the smoke, his boots clicking on the stone with each purposeful step.

He unclipped his harness and started to run.

 _Bad idea,_ you thought, bracing yourself.

You could hear Woerman scream and a gun being cocked.

You froze, and felt the hairs rise on your arms and neck.

_Will he…?_

But the shot never came. Armin stopped, and raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.

“So you've finally shown yourself, monster!” Woerman screeched. “I'll do it! I'll give the signal!”

“He is _not_ an enemy of humankind! He is willing to share everything he's learned with you!” Armin shouted bravely.

“It's too late to beg for your lives! We've seen what he is! You have no proof that he is anything else!” The sound of his voice sent a shiver through your body.

“I don't need proof!” Armin shouted back. “The issue here is not how we regard him! You said there were many witnesses! Then all those people saw how he only fought other titans! They saw the other titans gang up on him! In other words, the titans regarded him as prey, just as they do to humans! No matter how you rationalize it, that fact is irrefutable!”

You could hear the array of disbelieving and hopeful chatter rise up among the troops.

"He has a point."

"A titan on our side?"

"That's impossible... right?"

Captain Woerman floundered, trying to found ground to stand on. Coming up with nothing, he fired his arm up. “Prepare for attack! Do not fall for their trap! Their behavior has always been beyond our understanding! They take our form, and they use our language! That means they can trick us as well! WE CAN'T LET THEM HAVE THEIR WAY WITH US ANY LONGER!"

That seemed to snap all the soldiers out of it and many of them drew their paring blades, the angry hissing of metal surrounding you.

Some however, still looked uncertain.

All the color drained from Armin's face.

He looked back over his shoulder at the three of you.

You maintained his gaze steadily. You saw Eren nod beside you and Mikasa smile softly.

Armin's face transformed. You saw a glint of determination in his eyes that seemed foreign to his face. He pivoted sharply and saluted.

"I am a soldier who has pledged his heart in order to resurrect humankind!" Armin screamed, eyes closed tightly. "If I perish while serving that pledge, I can ask for nothing more! By combining his 'titan power' with our remaining troop strength, it might even be possible to retake this town! In the name of glory for humankind, in the few moments I have left to live, I argue for his value as a fighting asset!”

Woerman froze.

Even you were shocked by the conviction and power behind Armin’s words. Despite yourself, you were curious to hear Woerman’s answer.

"Captain Woerman," spoke up the blonde man beside him who had remained quiet throughout most of the hearing. "I think it's wise if we consider -"

"Silence!" Woerman screamed, rounding on Armin once more. Almost in slow motion, you saw him raise his arm again to give the signal.

You heard Mikasa draw her blade.

You closed your eyes. A familiar hand gripped yours tightly.

You looked beside you. Eren stared straight ahead towards Woerman.

You closed your eyes once more, squeezing Eren’s hand, and for the umpteenth time that day, you resigned yourself to death.

"Stop," barked a gritty voice. Your eyes flew open. A wrinkled hand gripped Woerman's arm, preventing him from slicing it down to give the signal. "For a big guy, you're as fragile as a fawn."

"General Pixis!" gasped someone from the crowd.

The man, Pixis, lowered Woerman's arm and you saw his face for the first time. He looked more like an empty burlap sack than a man, his skin was so dry and wrinkled. Still, he had the glint in his eyes of mischief, and had an aura of pride and authority. His jacket was emblazoned with the symbol of the Garrison Regiment, and you recalled what the soldier has said. This was the General of the Garrison Regiment, Dot Pixis. The highest ranking authority in the Garrison.

Woerman's superior.

"Can't you see the magnificent salute he's showing you?" Pixis said with a wry grin, bearing a mouth full of surprisingly _present_ teeth.

You realized he was referring to Armin, who still stood in a stiff salute, his eyes still squeezed tightly shut.

"I just got here after being informed of the situation by an official messenger," Pixis mused. "You go and take charge of the reinforcements. I think I should listen to what these people have to say."

At his words, Armin fell to his knees with a relieved smile and tears in his eyes, panting. Eren squeezed your hand reassuringly. Pixis dismissed Woerman with a wave of his ancient hand.

The out-of-place purple flowers swayed softly.


	20. A Last Hope

Hours after the cannon 'incident', you hadn't yet had time to see or speak with any of your peers. Directly after departing that miserable, Sina-damned courtyard, General Pixis led you, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin to the top the southernmost wall of Rose (much to the traumatized Woerman's disbelief and very _vocal_ disapproval) to debrief you further. That and make some very interesting comments about the ideal scenario for him when it came to getting eaten alive by a titan, all while absent-mindedly fixing his authoritatively red sash. Being swallowed whole by a knock-out female would be okay, he declared to your slack-jawed quartet.

After a bit of questioning and larger bit of meaningless chatter, Armin started to explain to Pixis his genius-but-only-if-possible plan of sealing the destroyed Trost Gate with the gigantic boulder located in the eastern corner of Trost. It wasn't known whether or not Eren would actually be able to summon the titan form again. It was even less known whether or not Eren's titan form would be able to _lift_ the boulder, let alone carry such a thing to the breach without being crushed beneath its enormous weight. Despite these uncertainties, Pixis asked him Eren if he could - no, if he _would_ do it.

Eren, somehow maintaining his dignity even while looking ragged, exhausted, and terrified - and utterly ridiculous for missing one sleeve, half a pant leg, and a boot -  swore he would. His eyes gleamed, more familiar to you than the face in the mirror. Being barely able to stand on your own two feet yourself, you admired and envied his composure.

As Eren set off with Pixis alone and the three of you remaining began to work over the impulsively devised strategy on a smudged and bloodstained map of Trost, you searched every corner of your frayed soul for a fraction of that same confidence.

But more than that, you couldn't help but stare at him as he departed and marvel at the fact that somehow, _somehow_ he had been brought back to you, the same as he ever was. A creature of purpose, forged in fire and rage, passion and conviction, kindness and love. A beautiful monster.

You dared to let your heart sing.

~

Mikasa quietly approached as you stood at the edge of Wall Rose, staring disdainfully down into the stone fish bowl filled with massive, humanoid piranhas. A particularly hideous one clawed desperately at the wall beneath you with bloodied, jagged fingernails as large as your entire body and a wave of loosened debris rained down into its unblinking, manic eyes.

Mikasa stopped beside you and watched the titan below as shards of stone were embedded in the beast's eyes. A small amount of steam rose from the lacerations, slightly obscuring the view.

Stowing her look of hatred and disgust for the sight beneath her, Mikasa turned to you, a pale hand rising to gently rest upon your shoulder. She looked at you for a beat, perhaps contemplating what she was going to say, before deflating and letting out one of her rare cusses.

You shot her a fatigued smile. "Hell of a day, huh?"

Mikasa scoffed, directing her attention towards the mid-afternoon sun. "You could say that. But it's not over yet."

"It certainly isn't," you agreed, and the two of you fell into a comfortable silence.

You vaguely registered General Pixis' voice rallying the hundreds of soldiers gathered in the streets on the Rose side of the wall. Judging by heated tone of his voice and the noisy unrest from below, things were not going well.

You realized with a start that you trusted that most would come around and do what was right. When and where you had salvaged such faith in humanity, you weren't sure.

You directed your gaze over your shoulder to the blonde boy still hunched over the map with a pair of Garrison soldiers. Their quiet voices barely reached your ears. "Armin's still working over the plan, then?"

Mikasa nodded, following your stare with her own. "They're devising a way to create as much of a distraction to the titans as possible. To draw attention away from Eren."

"Good," you breathed with a nod of approval. "If there is too much opposition during the operation, that boulder could end up falling and crushing him and others, Sina forbid. I'll draw them away myself, if need be."

Again, you surprised yourself. You meant it. When had you lost your sense of self-preservation? The only person you had ever even _considered_ worth sacrificing yourself for before you came to the Military was your little sister. Now you were ready - willing, even - to risk your life for strangers.

It terrified you, but you didn't falter. _How people can change_ , you mused. You hadn't even noticed it at first, but for three years you had been slowly shedding your armor and transforming into someone you had never known you held within you. You wondered what Amelia would say about this version of yourself.

When you thought about it, you were sure Amelia would like you.

You realized that while you had been lost in your thoughts, so had your companion. Mikasa stared searchingly at you until you began to feel it like a film on your skin. You shifted uncomfortably.

"Mikasa?" you prodded with a lift of your brow.

"We talked about this briefly before, but... I can't be with them all the time," she said at last. "I can't always be there to protect them. Goddesses know they don't want anybody's help, but if... when I can't be there, you will, won't you? And be safe yourself, of course. Just... take care of each other."

You blinked at her. "What brought this on?"

She wrung her hands in an uncharacteristic display of anxiety. "I always had complete faith in myself. In my abilities. But I realized after today, after I fell like that... that I'm not invulnerable," she conceded. "If not for you and Armin, for the rogue titan's interference, I would have died. So, if something ever happens to me, I need to know that you will take care of them."

You pulled the raven-haired girl's hand into your own and squeezed. "Don't be ridiculous," you said with a small, fierce smile. As Mikasa opened her mouth to argue, you gripped her hand even more tightly, letting her know you weren't finished. She quickly quieted. "Of course I promise. I will be there for them  whenever they need it. As will you. And they will be there for us, always. We look out for and protect each other, but we also have to trust. We're strongest when we have faith in one another."

Mikasa looked at you for a long time with her gray, bottomless eyes before answering. "We're _so_ lucky to have found you, [First]," she softly spoke. "For a long time, my family was... all I had was Eren and Armin. All _we_ had was each other. But now I'm proud to call you my family. My sister."

Your heart swelled and throbbed painfully.

_Oh, Sina... Amelia. I miss you, so, so much._

_And Mikasa... I am so, so grateful for you._

It was a thought you had had before, so it didn't come as too much of a surprise. Mikasa... a sister. Your sister. But to hear it said aloud so resolutely, to give it life, you were rendered speechless.

In the absence of words, you looked out over the district blurrily, ignoring the prickling at the corners of your eyes. Mikasa didn't say anything more, but squeezed the hand you still had gripped solidly in your own. You knew she understood.

~

Pixis was addressing his top soldiers, Ian Dietrich, Rico Brzenska, and Mitavi Jarnach several meters away.  You could hear the white-haired woman, Rico, raising her voice at one of her comrades. At last, you had a moment to speak privately with the other cadets from behind a stack of wood that served as a decent barrier. Unsurprisingly, it didn't take long for other duties to come in the way of your short-lived reunion with your small, makeshift family.

"Ackerman! Arlert!" Dietrich, the man Pixis must have decided would be in charge, called. The two exchanged a weary look before they dutifully departed to receive their orders.

You were hyper-aware that you and Eren were finally alone, after hours of being swarmed by all manner of people, without a second to breathe, let alone discuss anything. The most you had been able to do since the courtyard was glance at each other, and every so often his arm would brush against yours. Now you finally had a moment to really _talk_. With a surge of electricity throughout your whole body that made your hair stand on end, you turned to finally face him.

Eren, in a fresh uniform, was already looking at you, a smile pulling at his lips. He looked as if nothing had happened to him at all.

Sina, how you had missed him.

His expression shifted. Then he spoke.

"You look like shit," he commented, taking in your injuries, bloodstains, and general dirtiness with a concerned bite of his lip.

Your jaw dropped for a second. That was all he had to say? After everything that had happened in those twelve or so long, horrible hours?

Overcome with something akin to murderous rage, you bristled like an angry cat and punched him in the arm.

"Ow!" he yelped, leaping back, grabbing the apparently offending appendage. "That was _not_ what I meant! I was only worried."

"Idiot! What do you know about worrying?" you growled, scowling at the confused man in front of you. "Don't you _ever_ put me through that again."

His eyebrows lifted towards his hairline. "It wasn't _my_ fault! Goddess, you really hurt, you know that?" He massaged his bicep indignantly, visibly pouting.

You gaped at him, lower lip trembling involuntarily. "I saw you die!" you rasped. "I saw you get _eaten alive_! Torn to pieces! I was so... I thought I would never... I thought... I..."

You stared at him for a second longer before all the emotions from before, the shock, the guilt, the heartbreak, and the overwhelming relief came rushing back like water from behind a collapsing dam and finally you realized how lucky you were to have him standing in front of you. To have him whole, alive, and you were drowning, drowning.

Your eyes welled up with tears and you threw yourself into his waiting arms. He pulled you tightly to his chest with a shuddering breath.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Oh, Sina, I thought I had lost you," you croaked against his shirt. He buried his face in your hair, gripping your harness in white-knuckled hands to pull you as close to him as he possibly could. Your ribs hurt as Eren squeezed life back into your battered body and you could feel every crease of his destroyed ODM gear press into your skin. "I saw you... you were broken. It wasn't enough. _I_ wasn't enough. I couldn't save Squad 34. Eren, I'm so sorry."

Eren pulled you back roughly by the shoulders so he could look you hard in the eyes. "Cut that out right now. You're here. Armin's here and Mikasa's here and you had a hand in that. You did _everything_ you could. Everything anyone could. I'm so proud of you, [First]," he said, eyes shining with fresh grief. "The rest of our squad would be, too. I just know it."

You pressed your hands to his cheeks and felt your tears create hot tracks down your face. You leaned forward to press your forehead against his and, not needing a word but understanding you perfectly, he let you remain while you calmed yourself down. Eyes closed, you compared your heartbeat to the pounding rhythm you could feel beneath your fingertips at the base of his jaw until both slowed to something that seemed normal.

You sniffed. "You're amazing, you know that?" you said, pulling back and wiping your dirty, tear-stained face on the cleaner of your two hands. "You are humanity's _only_ hope. You really never knew?"

It wasn't an accusation, and you were relieved he didn't seem to assume it was. He looked quizzically at the smoking ruin of a city many, many feet below. "No," he said, lifting one of your hands and kissing your scabbed knuckles from the night before. Had it really been that short a time since you had found the policeman, that specter from the darkest moment of your life? Since Eren had found out the truth about your past? Since the two of you had kissed? You could still feel the ghost of his lips pressed against yours and you flushed against your will. He shook his head gently, still thinking on your question, eyes focused on someplace faraway. "I had no idea."

"Cadet [Surname]!" you heard Dietrich call.

You disentangled yourself from Eren and rounded the corner of the wood stack to snap a hasty salute. "Yes, sir!"

He appraised you for a moment. "You're injured and would be more of a liability than a help. Head out with Arlert to join the decoy squad," Dietrich called.

Your heart sank into your stomach. Despite years of training to the contrary, you made to contend with a superior's orders. "Bu -"

"[Name]," Eren called softly from beside you.

Dietrich stared you down, clearly waiting to see if you would challenge him.

Barely withholding a sigh, you withdrew. Reluctantly. "...Yes, sir."

Dietrich maintained his gaze, but his expression softened around the eyes. "I'm sorry, [Surname]," Dietrich said, genuinely apologetic. "It's for the best."

You nodded and Dietrich continued on his way. You turned to face Eren, plastering the brightest smile you could on your face.

"So! Are you ready for this?" you asked, willing a determined glint to your eyes.

He held your gaze and shook his head soberly. "No. Not really. But yes. I have to be. I _will_ do it."

You smiled at him and tried as hard as you could to make it not look sad. You weren't sure you succeeded. "I know you will. Try not to get eaten or crushed without me, okay?"

"I'll do my best. Besides, you still owe me a kiss after we both get out of this alive," he reminded you with a devilish smirk. Your heart hammered in your chest. "I haven't forgotten."

"Neither have I," you replied.

"Jaeger!" Dietrich called from somewhere down the wall. "We're moving out!"

"Time to go," you said with mock cheerfulness. "You better come back to me in one piece this time," you added, and you made certain some of the threatening bite leaked into your voice.

Eren's eyes crinkled into a small smile. He pulled you forward by the back of your neck and kissed your forehead briefly, lingering for only a second before taking off after Dietrich and the elite forces.

"Be careful," you whispered, but there was no one to hear you and your voice was stolen by the wind.

You were left alone, standing on the precipice of the day that would determine the fate of humanity.

~

The next hour passed in a blur. You remember things only in bursts of adrenaline and fear throughout your body.

Sprinting on your bad leg across the top of Wall Rose with Armin, gritting your teeth from the pain.

Dropping down into a hanging position over the edge of the wall, dozens of salivating titans grinning up at you from a mere few meters away.

The flash of green lightning that signaled Eren's transformation from man to monster. You felt a surge of joy and anxiety at the thought, which was quickly consumed by a heavy, choking worry that only increased with each savage roar that tore through the atmosphere like a half-forgotten nightmare.

The sharp smart of a titan swatting at your dangling foot. The rush as you relieved that same titan of three fingers and half of a thumb.

The red smoke signal shooting through the sky, signaling failure, signaling the stopping of your heart. The officers along the wall signaled your return to the walkway above.

Armin taking off to go meet his friends, his family, _your_ family, and you attempting to follow him, before Pixis grabbed you by the elbow and delivered a short, but effective speech about having faith in the others and remaining where you were most needed. Shocking no one more so than yourself, you dutifully lowered yourself over the edge once more, the blonde boy fading into the distance, the titan with a steaming half of a hand renewing its efforts in catching you.

The enraged scream of the rogue titan as scouts above reported a dozen new beasts clambering in through the hole in the wall over a mile away. They were going to be overwhelmed, they said in a panic.

And finally, the loss of the last remnant of your self control.

You couldn't take it anymore, not being with them. Letting the fate of humanity teeter on the tip of a pin while you dangled from the wall like a particularly succulent piece of bait.

You knew it was foolish, out-of-line, selfish. You couldn't bring yourself to _give_ a shit. 

You felt more than heard the feral scream rip from your body as you fired off the wall and over the head of the titan that scratched at your heels. Garrison soldiers shouted behind you. It was easy to tune them out.

You flew over many a titan, all too slow to catch you. Many didn't even notice you until you were long gone, whistling down the next street.

Once you finally reached the massive landmark, the first thing you saw was the rogue titan on its backside, hunched over, unmoving, with Armin screaming into its nape. Whatever was happening, it wasn't good.

You had fired your anchors into the boulder and begun to approach them when your gaze found Mikasa.

She was focused on two titans circling her with malicious grins, oblivious to a third, its grotesque face twisted into a caricature of disgust as it lumbered over a roof toward her. She was alone.

You turned so hard midair you could feel your hips wrench in ways they weren't meant to. You bit back a wince as the wind whipped your hair around wildly.

Mikasa barely had time to form your name on her lips before you shot past her, jerking your blades around from behind you as you hacked the nape of the grimacing behemoth from the rest of its body.

Mikasa recovered quickly from her shock, dispatching the other two titans in smooth, practiced acrobatics before landing heavily on the loosely-shingled roof across the street from you.

"[First]!" she called, panting. "What are you doing here?"

You wiped one of your steaming paring blades off on your pants before giving her a broad grin. "I've got your back, sister."

Mikasa's look of confusion slowly melted away into a brilliant smile, and she used one of her blades to give you a savage, iron salute. You returned the gesture with equal ferocity.

A tremor shook the rooves beneath your feet, and you had to use your hands to catch yourself before you fell.

"What was -" Mikasa just managed to get out before another shudder silenced her.

You both turned towards the source of the crashing and an unnatural silence followed, interrupted only by the steady, rhythmic vibrations. It was almost as if everything in the world, even the breeze, had paused to witness the spectacle. Before your mind could catch up to what you were witnessing, your heart stuttered to a halt.

A rock the size of a building was rising and falling overhead, moving in the direction of the gap. You didn't dare believe it. You surged forward to the top of the chimney to get a better look and a giddy laugh rose to your throat, cutting into the copper-scented air so abruptly you thought you might be able to see the sound of it if you tried hard enough.

The rogue titan carried the leviathan stone above its head, like a black ant carrying a exceptionally large breadcrumb. Its head was bent at an unnatural angle beneath the impossible weight, one eye squished from the pressure, the other shining an unearthly, unnerving green. However, you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Eren was in total control of its body. The single, gleaming eye was affixed to its goal.

You had nearly forgotten you weren't alone when you heard Dietrich shout in a hoarse and powerful cry, "Protect him to the death! Even if it means all of our lives, defend Eren Jaeger until he reaches the gate!"

The battlefield wound back to life as you heard a woman shrieking somewhere and paring blades scraping against iron and stone. War song echoed throughout the stone streets and alleyways, a cacophony of shouts and clashes and bangs. You saw a small herd of titans bee-lining for Eren and a heard someone's sharp alert. Your head whipped around towards the noise.

"Squad Mitavi! What the hell?" shouted Dietrich.

Mitavi and two other soldiers darted out from an alleyway behind the herd, blades drawn. You didn't hear what they said, but it seemed to distress the squad leader, and shortly afterward, several of the herding titans turned their horrible faces to look back at the soldiers before pivoting and barreling toward them at full speed. Your stomach clenched bitterly. You could see what was coming next long before it happened.

A hand slapped down on Mitavi, rendering him little more than a gory puddle. The other two soldiers died similarly awful deaths. Even from such a distance, you heard Dietrich scream Mitavi's name in anguish. Despite yourself, you took a few steps back before whirling around and running toward a smaller titan, blades drawn. You noted with exasperation that they were lacking the razor-edge you'd need to smoothly cut titan flesh.

Before you, a 10-meter titan with a childlike face looked positively gleeful as it ripped a Garrison soldier's stomach right from her body. It dropped her before turning its beaming grin to you so fast it knocked the air out of your lungs and replaced it with dry ice.

Your face hardened and you withdrew a new set of blades, discarding your old, dulled ones. The _zing_ of the fresh metal escaping its sheathes sent a violent thrill through your bones and you cracked your neck, setting off at a sprint along the roof.

You skidded to a surprised halt as the white-haired woman from earlier, Rico, shot out of the sky like a phantom, tearing the nape of the child-titan's neck from its body in a practiced swing. With a jolt of wonder, you remembered that she was a Garrison officer. Where had someone who had never had to deal with titans become so adept at killing them? You found yourself deeply amazed by the small, ferocious woman as she used the blades to gouge out a different titan's eyeball. You swept in to take the kill, taking advantage of its moment of blind agony. Rico nodded at you mid-flight.

A nearby titan sank through a caving roof near you and you dragged your eyes away from Rico and set your focus on its graceless, fumbling form. You shook your head to rid yourself of all external distractions.

You latched onto the nearby roof, easily whipping your body downwards and cleaving flesh from the back of its neck before latching onto the steeple of a church and swinging back out of the fray, stretching your taught thigh muscles as you ascended and gripped onto the edge of the tower. You needed only a moment to rest your leg before dropping from your perch into a smooth decent toward the shingled, orange roof below.

You turned an assessing eye out over the battlefield and noticed ahead, too far ahead, Dietrich using his paring blades to heave open a titan's mouth, throwing out the man who had been lodged within it, weeping, waiting for imminent death. The twisting movement it required to toss the soldier weakened Dietrich's stance just enough for the titan's jaw to overpower him and you saw Dietrich's arm snap in a way arms aren't meant to.

You kicked into top gear with a soundless cry, firing your ODM in his direction, your body yanking uncomfortably with the sharp movement. You felt the air stir beside you as someone else joined your pursuit. You caught a flash of white locks yet again out of the corner of your eye. Rico.

You kept on.

But you were too late.

You watched in horror as the titan's teeth snapped cruelly closed around Dietrich's neck and you heard Rico's strangled wail from somewhere nearby followed by a disheartening crack as she slammed onto a roof. Your heart ached for her.

You refused to look as Dietrich's head tumbled unceremoniously to the cobblestone fifteen meters below. Still, you had to fight back a wave of nausea and the familiar feeling of dread attempting to make a home in your gut.

You saw Mikasa and Armin running in the street below the rogue titan, ensuring that the way was clear for him to proceed towards the gap. As even more titans poured in through the hole, you opted to join them. It looked like they were going to need it.

One after one, the three of you worked together to cut down titan after titan. Rico quickly joined you in the fray, fueled by grief and fury that you recognized all too well. The woman was a force to be reckoned with.

After an age had passed, nothing stood between the rogue titan and the gate except for the triple moat. He moved forward steadily.

Finally, with an earth-shattering howl, the rogue titan slammed the boulder into the opening and no more titans entered Trost District. A breeze laden with dirt and dead leaves drove past you, blowing strands of hair out of your face and burning your eyes.

In the aftermath, a shudder claimed your body from head to toe as you realized: He did it.

He had closed the breach and saved Trost District.

Rico collapsed to her knees beside you, eyes shining with unshed tears. Her breath caught violently.

"Everyone who died..." she whispered gravelly. "It wasn't in vain."

She collapsed in on herself in sorrow and relief, digging into a small satchel strapped to her belt as she sobbed.

Your gaze locked on her as she lifted a small, metal gun to the sky. The nearby soldiers covered their ears, and you followed suit as she fired. A line of yellow smoke shot straight up, so high that the setting sun drowned out its color as it faded into space, and your soul was carried with it, soaring straight toward the heavens.

Rico, looking both fierce and frail at once, looked at her comrades now, tears falling freely from her eyes.

She threw a victorious fist in the air.

"For the very first time today, humankind beat the Titans!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rico Brzenska 2k16, am I right?
> 
> I won't lie to you, I fell a bit out of love with writing, SnK, and anime in a general for a little while. I've been a bit consumed with the general problem of being in your 20's without a set life path, but I'm working it out piece-by-piece. I watched a new anime and that kinda set me on the fanfic warpath again. I was feeling inspired to finally hash this out and _damn_ , does it feel good to be back. This chapter is a bit of a warm up because I'm out of practice and it took me a century to finalize, but I'm feeling really good about it so please enjoy this while I work on getting the next one out! Don't be afraid to send in comments identifying any spelling / continuity errors you spot, I always appreciate the help. <3
> 
> So, thanks to all of you for sticking around and making me feel like all the time I put into this is worth it. I hope y'all find $100 bills on the sidewalk today.


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